The Confessions of DRaftervoi

1969: Called Richard Nixon a brainless bozo; and in an even more heinous crime, I purchased a Cowsills record.

1970: Invented “child-proof” safety caps in an effort to peeve adults.

1972: Called Richard Nixon a lying psychotic buffoon and a lunatic. Worked for McGovern.

1973: Pulled the tag off my mattress.

1974: Again called Richard Nixon a lying psychotic buffoon and a lunatic. Held a drunken party when he folded up like a piece of wet cardboard that summer.

1975: Laughed hysterically at Chevy Chase imitating Gerald Ford falling down stairs.

1976: Voted for Jimmy Carter. Talked an older fellow college student into buying me a six-pack of beer.

1977: Bought LOTS of ABBA albums.

1978: Changed lanes illegally.

1979: Bought Sports Illustrated “swimsuit” issue. Yee haw!

1980: Called Ronald Reagan a brainless psychotic bozo.

1981: Parked in a bus zone.

1982:.Bought the Human League’s “Dare” LP. What the HELL was I thinking?

1983: Kept the change I found in a pay telephone change return bin.

1984: Invented stonewashed jeans, and suggested to old pal Walter Mondale that “running a woman as a VP candidate would clinch the election”.

1985: New Coke. I’m sorry. It seemed like a good idea when I thought of it.

1986: Called Ronald Reagan a brainless psychotic bozo again.

1987: The unfortunate “woman’s underwear“ incident.

1988: Installed lights at Chicago’s Wrigley Field.

1989: Listened to some disco music. Felt nostalgic over "The Hustle."

1990: Pulled the tags off my pillows AND another mattress.

1991: Exhumed Zachary Taylor.

1992: Paid money to see "Star Trek V" (the one directed by William Shatner)

1993: Went through a stop sign without completely stopping first.

1994: Paid too much money for my muffler.

1995: Referred to Jim Carrey as a “genius.....and the ‘Jerry Lewis of his era’ ”.

1996: Bought and actually DRANK a bottle of "Zima."

1997: Saw "Show Girls" AND "Striptease."

1998: Did NOT see the movie “Titanic”.

1999. Four words: Marinus van der Lubbe.

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