October 3, 2000
*Crap Molecules*


We continue to have more than our share of *crap molecules* floating around the SecraTerri/Юåf±êrvØ¡ household, this week.he's only happy when he rants

The financial reality of David's new, streamlined paycheck is beginning to sink in, and it doesn't look good. Neither one of us has had a chance to fully absorb the changes yet: all we know for sure, at this point, is that our already-frugal lifestyle is about to get a whole lot more frugal.

(Can you say "generic toilet paper?")

I keep trying to soothe him with bland, life-affirming reassurances, like "I would rather be poor with YOU than rich with anyone else, Honey" ... and "I fully support you in any career decisions you make, Honey" ... and "At least hot sweaty jungle-sex doesn't cost anything, Honey." 

But so far he's not buying it.

He's not grumpy. He's never grumpy. He's just a lot more distant, right now, than I'm used to. And preoccupied. And sad.

It breaks my heart.

Stan came into my office yesterday afternoon and closed the door. "I have a favor to ask you," he said, and he gave me a big sunny CFO smile.

(Oh god. Why do those words -- I have a favor to ask you -- always inspire such dread in my little Executive Ass heart?? Maybe because every time I hear them, I end up spending the next hour and forty-five minutes on the phone with a crabby, gum-chewing "Customer Service" representative from some podunk hotel in Nashville, trying to upgrade the VP of BFD's hotel reservation from a Double to an Executive Suite twenty minutes before he is due to check in.)

Stan is an OK guy. It took me a little while to warm up to him, after the sneaky way they brought him in to replace my pal Craig. But if anybody knows that you don't blame the employee for the sins of the employer, it's yours truly.

Besides: Stan is so adorably earnest about wanting to make the Totem Pole Company a better place to work.

It turns out that he wants to schedule an offsite breakfast meeting with Franz this week, in order to discuss "the way that Franz treats people." (That's the favor: putting the meeting on the calendar, and then making sure that it actually happens.)

"I think that maybe if I bring his behavior to his attention," Stan says earnestly, "and if I show him how it is affecting the people around him, it might help improve the climate around here for everybody."

I totally agree. I have them scheduled for pancakes together in the morning.

Frankly, I see this as a quantum leap forward. It means that somebody else in this company, besides me, has witnessed the negative energy vomiting forth from the office across the hall. It means that somebody else in this company, besides me, is concerned about the effect that this constant stream of negativity has on company morale. And it means that somebody else in this company, besides me, is going to try and tell Franz to cut it out.

I'm going to miss Stan when he's gone.

At any rate.

I think it is going to be critically important for me to stay focused on the positive stuff going on in my life, for the next little while ... not only for my sake, and for David's sake, and for the sake of my continuing to draw a paycheck/not killing Franz totally dead ...

... but for the sake of my journal. Unless you nice people want to be reading nothing but crabby entries all about generic toilet paper and raging court battles for the next three months, I think I'll need to steer clear of as many emotional pollutants as possible.

To that end, I have decided to temporarily eliminate the following from my psychic orbit ... at least until David and I are back on our feet:

  • The AH.
  • The VP of BFD.
  • The World Wrestling Federation.
  • Judge Judy.
  • Dr. Laura.
  • Television commercials for Verizon, featuring that stoopid faux-Sheryl Crow person faux-drawling her way through "People Got To Be Free."
  • AOL message board debates about abortion.
  • AOL message board debates about whether so-and-so is a cunt (and if she is a cunt, then whether she is a cuntrag, a cunthole cuntslice cuntface, or simply a run-of-the-mill garden variety cunt).
  • AOL message board debates about AOL message board debates.
  • E-mail lists, group mailings, Fwd: FWD: fwd: FORWARDS, and all e-mail from Cranky Denver Lady.
  • New shoes.
  • Food.
  • Franz.

(That last one will be easier than it sounds, btw: he leaves next week for an entire month in ... drumroll, please ... AUSTRALIA.  Stay tuned.)

Hopefully, by avoiding as much of the *crap molecules* in my life for a while, there will be room for more *positive energy molecules.* And right now those are the ONLY type of molecules I want floating around the Юåf±êrvØ¡/SecraTerri household.

two years ago: autopilot
one year ago: a change will do you good

throw a rock