| March 1, 2000
I DID it! I actually remembered to say "Rabbit, rabbit" this morning, the minute I woke up. That means that March is going to be my lucky month!!
I am so excited!
I've been trying to remember to wake up and say "Rabbit, Rabbit" on the first morning of the month since 1968, basically ... ever since that Davy Jones interview in Tiger Beat Magazine. The interviewer asked Davy if he carried any good luck charms with him, and he said no, he didn't, but that he always remembered to say "Rabbit, rabbit" on the first morning of the month, and that it never failed to bring him fabulous luck. (Although you've got to kinda wonder if Davy has remembered to wake up and say "Rabbit, Rabbit" lately. But that's another story for another day.)
I thought that it sounded pretty neat. All you have to do is wake up in the morning ... utter the magic words ... and vóila! Thirty days of good luck! I decided I would start the very next month.
That was thirty-two years ago.
Over the years I've tried all kinds of tricks to help me remember. I've taped notes to the ceiling above my bed. ("STOP! LOOK! LISTEN! RABBIT RABBIT!") I've slept in bunny p.j.'s. I've stuck Post-Its to the alarm clock. I've tried attention-getting devices, like stuffing the bunny slippers in the microwave. I've fallen asleep counting rabbits instead of sheep.
But up until now, nothing has worked. The first thing out of my mouth when I wake up is usually something like "Get that thing off my leg" ... or, "I'm serious! I'm quitting my job!" ... or, "There are ants floating in my orange juice again."
So this is a major accomplishment for me. You might even say it's the culmination of a lifelong dream. And god knows I could use some dream-culmination ... not to mention a free lucky month .. right about now.
I'm curious, though. How exactly does this "lucky month" stuff work? I mean, are we talking thirty days of uninterrupted perfect hair, indestructable pantyhose and multiple orgasms?
Or is this one of those *three wish* deals? And if so, what sort of wishes are acceptable? Can I wish for extra wishes? Or the self-perpetuating dollar bill? Or the never-ending M&M bowl? Or do I have to stick to regular stuff ... like a bazillion tax-free dollars, world peace and some really good sausage?
Is my good luck null and void if I accidentally touch a tails-up penny today, or if I hear "Marrakkesh Express" on a passing car radio, or if I see a black helium balloon floating past my window?
What happens if I do something really stoopid, like stepping on a crack? Does the good luck coverage extend to family members?
Here's another question: do I get to specify what KIND of good luck I want to have? Or am I stuck with whatever they give me? I think I would prefer to be "lucky" at picking lottery numbers rather than being lucky at playing ping-pong. Do *I* get to choose?
If you tell somebody what you wished for, will you still get your wish?
If I don't use up all of my luck before March 31st, can you transfer the remaining good luck to April? (Or to the next time I'm flying on an Alaska Airlines MD80?)
What happens if February turns out to be your lucky month, but it's not a leap year, like yesterday was ... do you get shortchanged those extra couple of days? Or can you make them up later?
And what happens if I wake up next month, on April 1st, and I miraculously remember to say "Rabbit, rabbit" again -- do I get another lucky month? Or is this a *limit one per customer* deal?
Could I transfer my extra lucky month to someone else, if I wanted to? ... sort of like a "Lucky Month Gift Certificate"? That would certainly take care of Daughter #1's high school graduation gift.
Or could I split the lucky month into lucky DAYS, and send them to my readers as little tokens of appreciation for reading the website? ("Thanks for reading *FootNotes!* Here's a free Lucky Day, courtesy of Secra!")
And finally ... what if I'm not completely satisfied with the quality of my good luck? What if my good luck breaks down halfway through the bungee-jump/coronation ceremony/fully-insured breast reduction surgery/romantic marriage proposal? Is there a customer service number I can call? Somebody I can complain to?
Do I get my thirty days back if I'm not 100% satisfied?
I dunno. This is all starting to sound a little complicated.
Maybe next month I'll just stick to "There are ants in my orange juice again."
| special *howdy* to:
daughter #1, who left the following pathetic, heart-rending voicemail message on my machine this morning:
"hey mom it's me, i'm just calling to say hi and tell you how sick i am, and complain about how sick i am, so if you get this soon give me a call at home."
guess i know how i'd be spending one of my wishes today.
feel better soon, puss!
profound thought of the day: