July 19, 2006
Shlogging
Originally posted on the Breast Health Online forum




I continue to shlog my way through The Longest Month in the History of The Universe  ...

A handful of things are keeping me sane at the moment.  I've reinstated the calendar, for one thing  ...  although this time I've scaled it down to a simple one-month calendar, taped to the bottom left corner of my computer monitor.  No flashy graphics.  No color-coding.  No shrieking banners (*~*"SECRA'S BR COUNTDOWN!!!"*~*).  At the end of each day I run an X through the date  ...  and that's that.  And yes, the days are painfully slow to accumulate.  But they're accumulating.  

I'm down to sixteen days now.

Work is also helping me stay in the moment.  I've got one of those 'workhorse' jobs, where the paperwork never ends (and it's always the SAME d**n paperwork, over and over again).  Ordinarily this would probably drive me bonkers  --  and someday it may very well do that: as I've said, I've been with this job less than a year  --  but right now there is a sort of comfort in the routine and the busy-ness of it all.  No time to obsess over anchor patterns and compression bras when you're typing rental leases and running credit reports  ...   then typing MORE rental leases and running MORE credit reports  ...  

It goes without saying, of course, that my husband is a source of calm and comfort, even though I sense that he is undergoing his own internal struggle over this.

And then there are the more frivolous diversions: ordering pajamas and button-down shirts online  ...   buying fresh fruit from the Farmer's Market on Tuesdays and Thursdays  ... e-mail from my kids  ...  a new Dean Koontz  ...  an All-Stars season of Big Brother (my second-favorite pseudo-reality show: go Season Six!).  The trick here, I think, is to try not to think much beyond the day at hand.  If I can just focus on getting through this one day  ...  AND if I can find ways to interject a little fun and accomplishment and joy into it, along the way  ...  then the other fifteen days will take care of themselves.

That's what I'm telling myself today, anyway.




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