Happy Voodoo Panda Toaster Awards
Somebody e-mailed David a voodoo curse this morning.
(A non-fan, perhaps? A disgruntled former lover? Celine Dion, seeking revenge?)
It originated -- anonymously -- from a website imaginatively called pinstruck.com. The disclaimer on the accompanying e-mail reads "WARNING: If you are sensitive, paranoid or superstitious in nature, viewing your voodoo curse may be upsetting to you. Curses are not suitable for viewing by people under the age of 18." As curses go, though, this one is pretty innocuous: the "voodoo doll" looks like it would be right at home in a Happy Meal. But I suppose it's the thought that counts.
What *I* want to know is where the heck was this website two years ago, when I really could have used it?
You remember: back when I sat alone in the Tree House every night, filled with drunken black rage against He Who Done Me Wrong? When none of my problems were *my* fault, and all I wanted to do was stop the shrieking noises in my head? (As soon as I emptied that auxiliary box of Mountain Chablis, I mean.) If I'd known about pinstruck.com two years ago, I would have been mailing those anonymous voodoo curses quicker than you can say "Papa Legba, ouvri barriè pou nous passer."
Over the past couple of years I would like to think I have evolved slightly ... thanks not only to nearly two years of hard-won sobriety, and to the nurturing love and support of my life partner, and to the encouragment of family and friends ... but thanks also to the simple emotional equalizers of time and experience. I am a kinder, gentler version of that angry, wounded Secra. I have outgrown my need for revenge.
These days, Kinder/Gentler Secra loves everybody. (And the people she doesn't love are allowed to live anyway.)
Kinder/Gentler Secra wouldn't hurt a fly. (She might spray an entire goddamned ANT FAMILY with Aqua Net Super-Hold if they attempt to set up housekeeping in her toothbrush holder again ... but she wouldn't hurt a fly.)
Kinder/Gentler Secra would never think of sending anonymous voodoo e-mail to a former lover, regardless of how miserably she feels they may have treated her. (She figures that stooped shoulders and chronically irritable bowels are punishment enough.)
These days, Kinder/Gentler Secra is infinitely more interested in promoting feelings of good will and fellowship and general all-around *grooviness,* not only here on the website but everywhere she goes. She understands that life is short. She knows what is -- and isn't -- important, in the grand scheme of things. She has learned the hard way that anger is toxic, and that forgiveness is the psychic equivalent of Syrup of Ipecac.
And in that spirit, she is more likely to want to hand out accolades than death threats.
Therefore, Kinder/Gentler Secra is announcing the very first *FootNotes* Happy Voodoo Panda Toaster Awards, given in appreciation of kindness, consideration for fellow man, interesting achievement, general all-around *grooviness* and/or making the planet a slightly better place to be. Think of this as my way of spreading a bit of karmic good cheer. (And of filling up some white space on the website, in the process.)
Here, then, some
of this soon-to-be-hotly-coveted award:
Have a great weekend, everybody!