Hazel-eyed children?
How jejune!
How unimaginative!
A rabbit has already been manufactured that incorporates jellyfish genes that express themselves as phosphorescent under black light, creating the World's First 'Glows Under UV Light' Rabbit. I would have paid BIG BUCKS to have a black light rabbit like that hopping around when I was dropping all that acid back in the 70's, although I probably would have done something dumb like killed and ate him to see if I turned day-glo or something, and then my roommates would have tried to kill and eat me, so maybe it's for the better that I didn't actually HAVE a rabbit at all back then. I had a crayfish, but he died. See what I mean?
But let me tell you, "hazel-eyed" doesn't even begin to describe what I want to do to my next generation of children.
Tentacles.... Long, ropy, sinuous, and let's be honest: SEXY tentacles, just like on one of those devilishly attractive (yet oh so elusive!) Architeuthis!
Hooves! Think of the money you'll save on shoes. Sell that Nike stock before their bankruptcy!
Gills! Never worry about another accidental drowning! Kids just aren't safe without a set of functional gills! What kind of parent would let their beloved child near water without them having the ability to breath underwater? BAD parents, that's who! Get gills now, and enjoy aquatic fun all summer long!
Antlers! Yeah, they're ridiculously expensive to add to a boy-child, and the kids shed them every year, and they're nothing more than an unnecessary secondary sexual characteristic, but let's face it: Chicks really, REALLY dig guys with a huge rack of antlers. Don't you WANT your son to have a date for the Senior Prom?
Serious vegans, become a ruminant! Add that second stomach you've always wanted, and DIGEST GRASS! Never be tempted by meat again! CHEW CUD!!
Want some serious personal defense? Forget that bull-puckey chop-socky karate kung-fu hippety-hop kick boxing blizz-blazz, that's way too much physical work and you look terrible in a T'ai C'hi suit. No, permanently INSTALL AT BIRTH a set of functional POISONOUS FANGS!!! Some guy pops you one in the mouth, and he's dead in 30 seconds, shivering on the floor as his lungs refuse to respond and his central nervous system shuts completely down. Goodbye, Mister Tough Guy! This also eliminates that divisive "2nd Amendment" debate; who needs a silly gun when you're permanently toxic?
Live in a cold climate? I recommend you have children with fleece. A nice winter coat keeps them warm and snug, and you can make pin-money sheering your children in the Spring!
NEXT UP: BREEDING A GENERATION OF BARBIES AND KENS
Юåf+êrvÕ¡: I am un chien Andalusia!