August 15, 1998
Circus Midget Seeks Scrabble Victim

I know, I know  ... you thought I was kidding about the online personal ad, didn't you?


Witness the following:

Circus Midget Seeks Friendship & Scrabble Victim

OK, I'm not really a circus midget. But I got your attention, didn't I?

I'm actually an only-slightly-demented 40 yr. old divorcee (and that societal rarity: a noncustodial mom) with a dangerous brain and an overabundance of humor molecules ... living, breathing and exfoliating near Portland, Oregon.  I'm moody, I'm inconsistent, I'm easily amused AND just as easily distracted ... I careen wildly from one emotion to another (and drag you along for the ride) ... I thrive on compliments and wither under criticism, do not follow instructions very well and STILL haven't figured out what I want to be when I grow up.

I'm a pop culture JUNKIE. At least a fundamental knowledge of 60's rock/bad sitcoms/good movies is a prerequisite here. (Extra points here if you know who did "The Martian Hop.")

I am extremely picky about the English language and about cyber as a form of written expression. Type in ALL CAPS or allow your participle to *dangle* and I will not respond.

I'm also cute as hell ... and what's even worse, I know it. In short: I'm a handful.

And you? You're able to construct a literate sentence, first and foremost, but you're not threatened when I totally cream you in Scrabble. You're effortlessly funny. You're computer-knowledgeable, have a career (or plans for a career) that gives you satisfaction,  take good care of yourself and you sing in the shower when you think no one's listening. Most importantly ... you're not afraid to cry when they shoot Old Yeller for the bazillionth time. Drop me a line.

Yes, I realize that this is yet another idiotic move on my part. Considering everything I've been through in the past couple of years, the very last thing in the universe I should be thinking about right now is romance. And yes, I can hear you screaming in Shell Pile/Louisville/TicTac/Kent/Maryland/New York/Assorted Other Areas of the Planet.

(Tomorrow I'll print some of the delightfully inane responses I've gotten. They're a HOOT.)

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