August 1, 2006

Originally posted on the Breast Health Online forum

I went bra-shopping at Mervyn's on Saturday.  

I've already ordered some size-nonspecific "leisure" bras online (front-close/no underwires/stretchy/comfy/ virulently-unsexy/strictly-business), to wear in the days and weeks following the surgery, but I was worried that they might not arrive in time. So I figured I should buy at least one "offline bra" to have on hand, just in case. And of course Mervyn's had absolutely nothing even close to what I needed. They never do, but when you've only got one department store in town (and you're feeling too lazy to leave the island), it's Mervyn's or nothing.  

I circled the bra department a dozen times, but the "full figure" bras all closed in the back -- that's a violation of doctor's orders -- and the "sports bras" were tiny little one-piece affairs, barely more than a rubber band around the chest.

Worse still: no sales clerks upon whom I could throw myself (and my credit card). Ordinarily they're more prolific -- and only slightly less welcome -- than a swarm of rabid mosquitos, but on Saturday they were nowhere in evidence.

Worse STILL: the usual gaggle of snarky twentysomethings and toney island matrons, looking down their noses at me, in my bulging T-shirt, like I was some sort of freak.  

Ordinarily all of this would have been enough to send me out of the store in tears. As a matter of fact it has sent me out of the store in tears, more than once. Bra shopping has always been a major source of trauma. But this time I just found the whole thing amusing, in a happy/sad/bittersweet/fudk-you! sort of way. After my surgery, Mervyn's bra department is probably never again going to reduce me to an embarrassing public *BooHoo Moment.*  

So I just turned around and walked out of the store without buying anything at all.  Ironically, just as I was walking out the door, some fortysomething dude in a cowboy hat looked at my chest and said "SWEEEET." Hee.

AND when I got home, one of my online bras was waiting for me in the mailbox.  So there you go.

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