Hey, as long as the name came up, what the HECK was the Justice League thinking when they let this amphibian LOSER in?
I mean, check out the line up: Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, the Flash, Green Lantern...all with genuine bonafide hardcore superpowers, the kind that YOU would want if you were grabbing powers out of the superpower hallowe'en candy bag! Stuff like flying and invulnerability and super-strength and X-ray vision (hubbahubba babee!) and superspeed (yeah, I know, I know, no one really would have thought of being Green Lantern on their own 'cause the whole Guardian of the Universe/Power Battery thing is so wack, but he had a really cool uniform and that power ring was def, and yeah, I know Batman didn't have any actual superpowers, but come on, that whole Dark Knight thing was a great idea and kids actually PRETEND to be Batman. No kid ever pretended to be Aquaman, and if there WAS a kid who had pretended to be a fruitcake superhero like Aquaman in my neighborhood, we would have held him underwater AND beaten him up. Q.E.D., mofo.)
But Aquaman?
I mean, how many times have you said to yourself, "Gosh, this is a really dangerous situation! I sure wish I could communicate telepathically with a salt water fish!" Not to mention the fact that I really can't think of exactly how you can get a sea bass, or perhaps one of those nice little tench to catch criminals for you. "Oh, you fish! Yes, you with the fins! Not you, the big one with the goggly eyes there. Yes, you! Go over there and uh....BUMP that swimming criminal with your head! Push him back over here, closer to me!" Oh, I guess if we had an aquatic crime wave of, uh...underwater bathing suit theft? Or maybe a rash of people peeing in the water at the beach, Aquaman would come in handy. But in the Justice League?
OK, he can also breathe underwater, but come on, that barely even COUNTS as a superpower. I mean BREATHING? Not even SUPER BREATHE, like Superman could use superbreathe to knock an invading alien UFO out of the sky? But just plain old GILL breathing like some sort of impotent human sized newt?
Breathing underwater and talking to fish are not superpowers. Powers, yes, but SUPERpowers not on your friggin' life. Let's face it, Aquaman shouldn't have been in the Justice League at all, certainly not before Hawkman or The Atom got in, although, to be blunt, THEY were pretty piss-poor punk in the superpowers department, too. I mean, "Look! I can make myself really really tiny!" doesn't exactly strike fear into the cold heart of your average crack-addled Crip.
Sincerely,
Wayne Manor