April 21, 2000
A Man, A Plan, A Canal: Ю僱êrvØ¡


For the third morning in a row, I woke up at 4 a.m. today to find the other side of the bed empty ... and The Other 50% of the Population sitting in front of the computer, in his skivvies, typing furiously.  I haven't seen him this fired up about the message boards since The Great *Dole Pineapple Ring* Debate of 1999.

It's adorable.

There is a particularly venal little war going on in the Boomer boards this week ... a battle between a group of longtime, online/offline friends and the AOL Message Board "Hosts" who have suddenly set up noisy housekeeping in their midst.

David has managed to position himself plunk in the middle of the debate. (Or, more accurately, somewhere left of center.)  He views this as a free speech issue, particularly as AOL broadens its TOS regulations and narrows its definition of what is and isn't "acceptable." (You can use the words "breast" or "testicular" in a conversation about cancer, for instance ... but "slang versions of these words are not acceptable anywhere" on AOL.)

I'm staying out of it, as usual. My interest in AOL in general -- and in things Boomer, specifically -- extends to the handful of Boom Room friends I still communicate with ... an occasional gossip fest, just to find out who's boomin' who ... and, of course, the daily sneak peek over David's shoulder as he manifests himself as *The Mighty Ю僱êrvØ¡ -- Champion of Free Speech (and Purveyor of Arcane Music Trivia).*

He has been in his element this week. It's fun to watch. And it's even more fun to read.

Herewith, some highlights  (and -- even better! -- some lowlights) from The Mighty DR.

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Here he addresses an especially oily AOL Host who guarantees she's "not there to make his life miserable":

" ... And contrary to your statement, you have already made my life miserable. Your posts make me miserable. I find them offensive. Having to read your turgid, self-important rationalizations make my skin crawl even more than having to read kewstie-wootsie-icky-poodlewoodle maunderings from middle-aged women 'HOSTS' about taking men into their 'dungeons,' which, btw, is online code for the kind of sexual freaks who play around in Sub-Dom chatrooms ...

Oh, well, perhaps we'll have an imaginary propane tank explosion at the imaginary barbeque, and all these 'HOSTS' will get to have imaginary trips to the E.R.

One can dream."

Ю僱êrvØ¡: Trouble without applause ~

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He forgot to mention the faux Southern accent stuff.

" ... Trust my judgment in this one: this gaggle of unwanted volunteer busy-bodies are pure, unadulterated evil in human form. No good will come of their being here.

Those of you that use thinly veiled profanity in your posts, prepare yourselves for TOS violations. Those who argue vehemently and passionately for causes, prepare yourselves: these mooks will clearly takes sides, most likely not YOURS ...

As a believer in the rock and roll version of the Antinomian Heresy (all things are allowed, nothing is Forbidden), I tell no one what to do.

But I utterly and completely reject this group of chatroom refugees as being '1996.' They toss around emoticons, fake .wav file jive, and refuse to spell like adults: 'kewl'.... how 20th Century! They are more annoying than someone releasing 'balloons' in the room, if you get my point."

Ю僱êrvØ¡: The judgemental voice of reason ~

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The closest I've ever heard him come to using profanity is "Jeepers." 

" ... First of all: 'Enough said'? Oh, dear God, if ONLY this were TRUE. If only this were the last time I have to read a post from some semi-illiterate middle-aged harridan whose sense of style causes her to inflict such horrors as the word 'cuz' upon me.

Secondly: I have never had a problem with either 'HOSTS' or board monitors. I don't use profanity here (or in my personal life) and I don't waste my valuable time in useless flame wars. I'm not going to get TOS'd, but I sure as shootin' don't need some artificially happy 'HOST' trying to get me to line up and play 'pin the tail on the donkey' ...

... Just look at the hideous blather already: words like 'kewl,' phrases like 'report to your Mother for a severe {S thwap}ping.'

If you try to thwap ME, I will knock you down."

Ю僱êrvØ¡: Fangs are bared in village of wickedness ~

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After a particularly gack-inducing run-in with a "Host" who *winked* at him.

HOSTLFSTRubella: ::wink::

"If you wink at me, I will do my level best to jam a stick in your eye.

I already find you and your other 'HOSTS' loathsome. Quite frankly, I hope never to have to read your cutesy-pie prose ever again. However, considering that you and your fellow 'HOSTS' have descended like a plague of locusts, I doubt that I'm going to be that lucky."

ZENITH >>btw, I have posted in a play name of mine, and the reception was far worse in it than this. Soooo give me your best shot.<<

"So, already it begins: the changing identities. I hate that.

I'm Ю僱êrvØ¡ all the time. You won't find ME playing head games, pretending I'm a woman or Eric Burdon or the Animals."

Ю僱êrvØ¡: A Quinn-Martin Production ~

P.S. The 'give me your best shot' is easily identified as a cheap ploy by a guard to try and get us to give you a TOS violation. It's called 'entrapment.'

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His impassioned message to his fellow Boomers:

"I want to remind each and every one of you that we did not just flee the old, official chatroom because of teen snerts.

We also fled because of 'HOSTS.'

Don't you remember people being threatened with being TOS'd for not staying 'on topic' in the old room? In my opinion, the entire CONCEPT of FORCING people to talk about whatever the 'HOST' wanted to demonstrates that these people are systemically OPPOSED to the free-wheeling anarchy that is B3.

I can't tell you what to do. But I, for one, will not be giving any one of them the location of the chatroom. Can you imagine their presence in the chatroom when one of you wants to cut loose and curse a blue streak? Goodbye, AOL account.

And like every control freak, they justify it by saying that they are doing it all in the name of the children.'

Think about THAT: These people have made it quite clear that they think that children and teens need to be protected from the writings of Ð®åƒ±êrvØ¡. Think on my writings over the last three years and look into your hearts: do YOU think that your children shouldn't read what I have written?

The entire POINT of the B3 chat room was that it WAS unhosted.

Over the last three years, I have argued AGAINST exclusivity. I have argued AGAINST the concept of B3 as some sort of private club. I have brought people TO the room, and I have encouraged and defended new people posting on this board. I stood up ALONE when people blasted Deb and I defended her, and again when people suspected new posters of being her under a different screen name.

But I will NOT COLLABORATE with the guards. I will NOT cooperate with those who are now threatening me here on the board."

~ A man, a plan, a canal: Ю僱êrvØ¡ ~

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Anyway. You get the gist of it. He's clearly on a mission here.

If you're interested in following his exploits for yourself, go to AOL Keyword: "Baby Boomers," then -- in this order, to

  • Boards
  • Baby Boomers
  • Baby Boomer Roll Call
  • B3 Buddies.

Teeny-Tiny Caveat: I would suggest using the Message Board "Search" feature to call up only posts from the last three or four days. Otherwise you're going to have to wade through an avalanche of posts about fashions from the 50's, limited edition collectors plates and "how to make thousands of CASH within weeks with only an initial investment of $6.00 plus stamps!" in order to get to the good stuff.

Or just search for "Ю僱êrvØ¡." He loves it when you stalk him.

throw a rock