April 12, 2001
99 Days


Yeah, I know. The wedding-countdown meter at the bottom of the *FootNotes* splash page is tacky and dorky and incredibly self-indulgent ... and the java script plays havoc with some of the older, funkier web browsers out there (like ours) ... and it's the surest indication yet that SecraTerri & DRaftervoi really and truly believe that *they* are the center of the universe, cyber and otherwise.

Which is precisely why I love it so much.

This morning when I saw that the counter had flipped overnight, from 100 to 99, I let out a yell of pure, unadulterated joy. 

DOUBLE DIGITS!  We're in double-digit-territory now, folks!!


During my lunch hour today, I closed my office door and spent some quality time with my calculator. Here is how those ninety-nine days break down in SecraMath:

  • Ounces of coffee consumed between now and July 21st: 1,980
  • Milligrams of St. Johns's Wort: 81,000[hey: if it ain't broke ... don't fix it.]
  • Cans of delicious nutritious SlimFast: 198
  • Trips in the Totem Pole Company Elevator: 882
  • Tubes of ridiculously expensive, yes-I-know-I'm-paying-for-the-brand-name (but it smells better than Suave) L'Oreal Plenitude Line Eraser at $15.98 a pop: 4
  • Wedding Anxiety Dreams: 28
  • Long, drooling Saturday afternoon naps: 14
  • Loads of laundry (cold wash/delicate cycle/drip-dry): 13
  • Days off from the Totem Pole Company: 31
  • Miles flown between here and TicTac: 2,720
  • Zits popping up in unexpectedly ridiculous places on my body ... like the inside of my EAR, forcryingoutloud: 9.6
  • Chances to wake up and say "Rabbit Rabbit" for good luck: 3
  • New pairs of No Nonsense Sheer Endurance Pantyhose purchased: 24.7
  • New pairs of No Nonsense Sheer Endurance Pantyhose destroyed before lunch: 18
  • Hormonal *Days From Hell*: 3
  • Uncomfortable Shoes/Ridiculous Undergarment Days: 63
  • Hang-ups on our home answering machine: 220
  • *FootNotes* entries: 64
  • Issues of "The Executary" I dump directly into the trash: 4
  • Dates with Miss Clairol: 2.5
  • Long-distance charges on the AT&T bill: $113.85
  • Tot Birthdays: 1
  • Tots graduating from high school this spring: 1
  • Tots who will send me a thank-you card for anything: 1
  • Sundays: 14
  • Number of Sundays I will probably miss church: 14
  • Ants in the bathroom: 43,897,621
  • Holidays (including the two most important holidays of the spring, Mother's Day and SecraTerri's Day): 5
  • Unsolicited e-mails from ozemail accounts, offering deep discounts on Viagra for Women: 110
  • Automatic deposits to my checking account: 6
  • Mornings I can watch all three hours of The Matt Lauer Show (Starring Matt Lauer & Some Other People): 9
  • Days until I freak out over the idea of getting married again: 98
  • Days until I get over my temporary bout of pre-wedding *jitters* and remember why I'm doing this in the first place: 98.5
  • Days until one of the finest moments of my entire life: 99

Of course, looking at it this way makes the wait seem even longer than 99 days. But then again, any time I start to get antsy and anxious between now and then,  feeling as though The Big Day is never going to get here, all I have to do is fire up the piece-of-crap computer ... point our decrepit browser in the direction of *FootNotes* ...

... and watch the countdown.

throw a rock