JOURNAL NO. 5
May 1973 - June 1973
Age 15
"Plus it seems like all we do now is make out. There isn't much left for us to do,
except for going all the way, which I don't want to do."
Later that same evening ...
May 20, 1973
Sunday
Karen spent the night last night -- it was really fun. After we got back from Tim's house at about 11:30, we just sat around in the living room, watching "Night Gallery" and eating pizza.
I was so tired this morning when I woke up, I almost didn't go to church. But at the last minute I changed my mind and decided to go. I'm glad I did. it was really neat - The Ambassador Chorale from Multnomah School of the Bible was there, and they sang for us. I sat upstairs in the balcony, between Mike and Phil. Neither John or Laurie was there. Darn ... (ha ha)
Now I'm just sitting around in my room, listening to Dad's "Peter, Paul & Mary" albums. I've got a lot of time to kill between now and church tonight. Karen is babysitting, so I don't have to worry about her coming over. I guess I should clean my room ... it's a mess. But I don't have any energy!!!
I really made pointers with Dad last night by coming in 15 minutes early. I've got to win his trust! And more than anything I've got to make him trust and like Clarence. (An impossible dream?) Or at least get him past this level of mere "tolerance."
I went to church tonight, and it was really neat ... the polar opposite of two weeks ago right now. I think I have finally found, within my heart, the capacity to love Laurie as a Christian sister. I talked to her briefly a couple of times - once she said "Hi, Terri," and I flashed her my sweetest smile and said hi. Then another time, down in the basement when the movie was starting, I asked her if she knew where Mike was. At least it's a step in the right direction. I'm still completely ignoring John ... I don't dare start getting friendly with him, in case I wind up with egg all over my face again. Like the song that Lobo sings: I love you too much to ever start liking you/So let's just let the story have an end/I love you too much to ever start liking you/So don't expect me to be your friend. That fits my feelings exactly. John wants to be "friends," but I just can't do it. I'm not that strong yet, and the hurt is still there.
Anyway - Clarence came to church with me tonight! What a shock! We saw a movie about the Billy Graham Crusade, and the message was really powerful. Dr. Graham talked about God's judgement on the world, and how no one can escape it unless they accept Christ as their personal Savior. I'm not sure, but I think that maybe Clarence got something out of it ... I pray to God that he did. Christ could make such a big difference in his screwed-up life. He has so many hassles ... with his step-dad. with his brothers, with school - the guys he hands around with at school, like John and Carl, are such a rotten influence on him. He's starting to goof around with drugs and all that crap - his older brother Bob just got busted for grand larceny. So he really needs Christ in his life, to help straighten him out. I just pray that if there's any way that I can help him make that decision - to turn to Christ - that the Lord will give me the grace to do it right.
Clarence, Karen, Brian Watkins and me all walked home together.
May 21, 1973
Monday
What a traumatic day. John and Christy almost broke up today ... matter of fact, there's still a chance that they might. Personally, I wouldn't blame her a bit if they do. He treats her like dirt -- yells at her, insults her, tells her where to go and what to do and who talk to, spends her money, etc. etc. I don't even see why she stays with him. Him and Clarence hang around each other - a LOT - and that's too bad, 'cause they rub off on each other.Then Dad really jumped onto Dick's back tonight. I won't go into the details, but I will say that I think Dad was being entirely unreasonable. If I were my brother, I'd move out of this house, FAST. God, every time Dick even steps out of his room, Dad starts yelling at him: "You better clean that pigpen up, Buster!" or "You better bring that math book home TOMORROW NIGHT or ELSE!" I feel so sorry for Dick, my heart feels like it's going to break. Dad doesn't even try to understand Dick. I'm his "little darling" -- I can get away with murder. But let Dick even step out of line one fraction of an inch, and POW!
I got my pictures today!!! (from camp last summer) Almost a year later -- I can't believe it. Pictures of me, Kerry, George, Tom, Clancy, Karen, etc. etc. I'm so happy! Kerry's so CUTE in them ... almost makes me wish I wouldn't have broken up with him!
Tonight we (Dad, Dick, Kar and me) all went to Herfy's and had hamburgers for dinner. Then I went to Karen's until 9:00. We walked to the store to buy some milk for her mom, and on our way back we stopped and talked to Kenny and Brian. We 4 sat in Karen's yard, talking and drinking root beer. After they left, we talked to Rick Gookstetter and Aaron Ondracek, who rode by on their bikes. At last, about 8:15 or so, Clarence came by. He was in a sort of sullen mood, "waiting for Kniffen." He looked pretty cute tho. Made me feel SO UGLY! He walked me home but he kept his hands entirely to himself. Hmmm ... I luv him lotz.
May 22, 1973
Tuesday 10:10 p.m.Quickly -- tonight after school, when Kar, Clarence and me were walking home, Kniffen drove up behind us, wanted to give us a lift. I didn't want to go, and neither did Kar, so Clarence went with him. They were driving around, trying to get me to ride with them. They even came driving over to my house to try and con me into going for a ride, when I was goofing around in the kitchen with Dick.
I ate dinner at Karen's - pancakes - and then her parents and Lisa went out so we had the house to ourselves. Clarence and Kniffen came strolling by - stayed until almost 9. Clarence was in a fairly good mood, but Karen and me were rolling ... we were laughing about everything. Kniffen was busy being real "cool." (choke choke) Rick G. was there too. Clarence kissed me goodbye. Stayed at Kar's until 10, watched a Connie Stevens movie (about the house mother). Then her mom drove me home.
Had an assembly today at school, a vocal & music concert. Ho hum. Got out of taking a Science test ... said that my "eyes hurt too much."
Note: School is NEVER gonna end!! (my own personal observation)
Time passes slow
When you're lost in a dream.~ Judy Collins
May 23, 1973
WednesdayI started reading "Wuthering Heights" by Emily Bronte today. I've been meaning to for a long time, but I never got around to it. It's really good.
Today: finished art work on the final newspaper. I got to read parts of it in advance: I won the "Most Artistic" award !! Math, second day with our sub, a real witch named Mrs. Ringenbach (while Mr. Bartholick's in the hospital). We had to take a test for the school district, to see how fast we could do some arithmetic problems to see if the sound-proofing of our classroom did any good.
I talked to Mike Baxter a couple of times, once before school and once after lunch. He's real sweet. Hey, and get this, both him AND Clarence asked me for my picture today! Weird coincidence, huh?
In Home Ec I finished the yoke facing on my smock (I did a crummy job - the shoulder seams don't match).
After school, Mark Kniffen was waiting for us in his car, but again Kar and me said "No way!" So while we walked home, they kept driving past, doing about 110 mph, and yelling "CHICKENS!" at us. After I washed the dishes, we went to Karen's and watched the movie "Shenandoah." It was so sad, I was sitting there bawling my eyes out.
At church we really had a neat time. Laurie and me are friends now (knock on wood). We got a little time to go off by ourselves and read out of the books of Haggai and Jeremiah, and think about "how we've fared" in our Christian lives.
This is what I wrote on a scratch paper:
Lord. I realize what you have been trying to say. By giving me all these problems and trials, Father, you've been telling me that I've been changing ... and I haven't been faithful to your commandments. I understand now, and I'm sorry. I haven't listened to You ... I've been too "busy" trying to unscrew my life. Boy, what a mess I've made of it, too - I can't do ANYTHING right without You. That's why I need You so much, and love You so much ... Thank you.After church, guess who - you guessed it - Clarence and Kniffen were waiting for me. They wanted to give me a ride home, and when I said I didn't want to go home yet, it's only 8:30, Clarence almost got mad and left. But finally I broke down - in a moment of sheer stupidity - and said Yah, OK, I'll go for a ride. Well ... Clarence and me sat in the back, with the radio full blast (they played my favorite song, "Roll Over Beethoven" by Electric Light Orchestra) and we went ripping up the road. We dropped Roger off first, then Kniffen says "Where d'ya wanna go?" and I said back to the church to get Karen. At first she wouldn't come with us, but with a little persuasion she did. Brian came with us too - Kar and Mike sat in front, Bryan, Clarence and me in back. It was fun! We just drove around Southcenter & stuff. I was holding onto Clarence like I'd never let go!! (so what's new?) One time he was kissing me and just then Kniffen started to swerve. How embarrassing!! Then they took me home.
The drama begins! Wheeeeeeeee!May 24, 1973
Terrible news (for me at least). I found out today that Clarence is running away from home tonight, with Carl Hallagin and probably Kniffen. Carl said that they'd be back by Tuesday, but there's a chance that they might be leaving for good. Neither one of them can get along with their parents, so it would be no big surprise (if they don't come back). I don't know very much about it because nobody would tell me anything, but this is what I do know: they're leaving tonight; Clarence has all his stuff packed - a bunch of shirts, some pants, etc. (he told John, John told Christy, Christy told me), so I guess he's all ready to go; Carl says that they're going up to a cabin in the mountains, by themselves. I also know that they're taking a whole bunch of wine and beer with them, probably some grass too. I'll bet you ANYTHING they'll have some girls up there, too. I don't mean to be the jealous girlfriend, but I can't help it.
What should I do, cry or what? There's nothing I CAN do. It's his life, after all. I just wish that I could see him before he goes - that he'd come over or call or something.
Karen and me got a ride home from school from Kniffen, by the way, but Clarence didn't say a thing about "seeing me later." Terrific. What the heck am I gonna do??
Happiness runs in a circular motion
Thought is like a little boat upon the sea
Everybody is a part of everything anyway
You can have everything if you let yourself be.
~ DonovanDuring one of our brief conversations today, Clarence told me to "be sure and look in my mailbox before I go to school tomorrow." Hmmm ... I wonder. Is he going to write me a note or what? I wish he would ... I've got one million and one terrible ideas floating around in my head.
Written later:
This is going to sound weird, and mushy, and probably boring to you (whoever you are), but I feel a real need to express myself on paper. Clarence probably hasn't even left yet and already I miss him terribly. I'm not kidding ... I feel like a part of me has been taken away. I can tell already that this is going to be one BORING weekend.
When I first seriously considered liking Clarence, about two months ago, the idea seemed strange to me, remote and unheard-of. I didn't even KNOW Clarence, except as this kinda weird, kinda cute guy in my Home Room. Even so, he didn't seem like me "type" ... how wrong I was. I thot that by giving up John and going with Clarence, I was junking my whole life - my church relationships would slide, I'd start messing around with drugs, wild parties, et al. I figured Clarence to be a real (quote) "long haired hippie freak" (unquote). I just can't believe how much my opinion has changed. It didn't take me long to get to know him -- we went from the "saying-hello-as-we-passed-in-the-halls" stage, to the "standing-around -with-a-bunch-of-friends -with-his-arm-around-me" stage, to the serious stage in a matter of days.
I love him ... I think. He's told me he loves me before, too.
May 25, 1973
FridayDear Terri,
By the time you read this, I'll be gone. Not because of you. Because of something else. I want you to know, I love you very much. I hate to go but I have to. And I mean what I say. And by the way Mark is a good driver so you can trust him. Friday I'll be gone, and John will tell you ware I went. But I want him to. So you know what's happening. I will right you something, someware. And Terri I hate what I'm doing because I'm leaving you. It's hard to right, to right this letter. I'll probably stop by your house and look before I leave. So I can remember you, and even Karen. But if I can I will see you or I'll try. Just remember that I love you very much.
Love always
P.S. I'll remember you always, and I will. Tell everybody good by for me, even Roger. You have my A.S.B. card so you can remember what I look like, and I have memories, only. Here are my air forse stripes also. You also have my wind breaker. What ever you want of mine, get it. Please understand. Please.
Love you alway, and always,
Clarence.
Need I say more? He's gone ...
Later (in a more rational mood):I feel like crawling up into a hole somewhere and just dying. WHY did this happen?? The Lord just brought me through one very traumatic period, when John and me broke up -- I thought things were finally going to start going smoothly. So why this, out of the clear blue sky? It just seems so darned unfair. I'm finding it very difficult to accept, or to even understand. Why did he leave? Will I ever see him again? Is this the end of our relationship? Or does the Lord have something good planned between Clarence and me? I never before realized just how much I loved him until now that he's gone. I say "loved" - past tense - but I still do love him, and I probably will for a long time. He means everything to me. He has changed my whole life ... I really love him. I miss him something terrible.
(This mush and tear-jerking dribble is bound to go on for pages, Dear Reader).
I wonder where he is right now ... what he's doing, what he's thinking about. I wonder if he thinks about me as much as I'm thinking about him -- or if he's missing me as much as I miss him. I don't think he's left my mind (or heart) once during the past 24 hours.
The State Patrol is out looking for him right now and they're bound to catch up with him sooner or later. When they do, and they bring him back to Seattle, one of three things will happen. He'll be put into "juvy" (juvenile center) for a long long time. Or he'll be put in a foster home somewhere. OR he'll be sent back to Wilson Creek, Wisconsin to live with his real dad. Either way, I probably won't ever see him again, and that will be the end of that. His parents won't want him, and they won't take him back - at least, that's what Bob says. Why? Why? WHY?? It's not fair, it's just not fair!!!!
May 26,1973I changed my mind at the last minute and decided I wanted to go to Fort Casey with our church group after all. I'm glad I went. It gave me a chance to think about Clarence and me, and to re-evaluate my feelings. Also, it gave me a chance to get away from everything. Laurie didn't go - which cheered me up a lot - even though we're friends now, there's not as much of a strain when she's not around. Karen found herself a new boyfriend, some Glendale guy named Steve, so she wasn't around too much. Mostly I hung around with Mike, Phil and John, and it was really fun. We went crawling around all the old dungeons and stuff, played on the beach, ran around in the PITCH DARK "switchboard" ... I'm not kidding, it was so dark in there, you couldn't even see your face in front of your hand (sic). I took Clarence's Air Force jacket with me, and his letter, and I let a few people read it. Their comfort and prayers are deeply appreciated.
At night I didn't have anything to do, so I just walked around (the neighborhood) for a couple of hours. Nothing could have broken my heart more. I went to all of "our" spots ... the basketball court at Boulevard, where I sat in the middle of the court with his note and cried ... Sunset Park, where I first saw him last summer (when I thought his last name was Japanier) ... 20th Avenue, past his street and Tim O'Brien's house ... Sunset School -- I looked into the cafeteria, where I will be sitting next Tuesday, just like always, and his place will be vacant ... our homeroom class ...
It was just too much to bear.
May 27, 1973
Why can't I shake this?? Every single time I think about him, my heart hits rock bottom and my eyes start brimming with tears. This has been a nightmare of a weekend. I took my calendar and put a black ring around the 24th, the 25th, and the 26th. I'll keep doing that, for however long it takes my heart to heal. Then on the day he returns ...Later at night:
I'm cold and tired, and I wish I could crawl into bed and sleep for ten million years ... and when I wake up, Clarence would be home, and school would be over, and it would turn out that it was all one big dream and he hadn't really left at all.
I did absolutely zero today. Karen came over late in the afternoon. I made a "Clarence Box," a little keepsake chest that I keep all my things from him in, like his A.S.B. card, the two notes he wrote me, his sleeve off his old jacket, his Air Force stripes, etc.
Church tonight was Body Life. Practically no one was there, 'cept me, Phil, John, Laurie and Thea. I got to feeling really sad and lonely for Clarence during the singing, so I left and went into the girl's bathroom to be by myself and sort out my thoughts and stuff. Laurie could see I was really upset so she followed me into the bathroom, and we sat and talked for about 1/2 an hour, about Clarence and everything. I praise the Lord so much for it ... there we were, rapping like life-long buddies, and a few weeks ago we hated each other SO MUCH! See how He answers prayer - that's why I'm so sure He'll bring Clarence back to me.
Karen was supposed to spend the night after babysitting for the Dennas, but I'm SO TIRED and it's getting awfully late.
Here is a bit of nostalgia -- my diary entry from June 10, 1972, about a year ago -- on the first day I ever saw Clarence:
"... I spent the night at Penny's house last night, and tonight Penny is staying here at my house. We went to the park, were following around these two guys (Blondie and Green Shirt), unobviously of course, ha ha, and were being followed by this sickening little family quartet (‘Gimme an F!') that just moved in, the Japaniers."The next day I wrote:
"This afternoon Karen, Dick and I went to Evergreen Pool ... the Japaniers were there (wunnerful) ..."I didn't go into a great amount of detail in either of those ledger entries, but I can clearly recall my first impression of Clarence and his family (or, as I called them then, the "Japaniers"). The first time I ever saw Clarence was on June 10, 1972. It was a wonderful summer night ... light out until 10, fine clear weather, nothing to do. Penny was spending the night, so we decided to go to the park across the street from my house. We were swinging on the swings, when all of a sudden I saw two elfin little faces spying on us from the bushes near the Recreation Building. I thought it was Glen Hartzog at first, but then I realized it was two younger boys whom I'd never seen before. They started talking to us - said their names were Mike & Steve Japanier and that they'd just moved into the neighborhood. They were really swearing a whole lot and stuff, and Penny and me thought they were pretty gross. They said that they had two older brothers, Bob and Clarence. "Clarence?!?!?" Penny and me cracked up over that name. We could just see him ... crew cut, horn rimmed glasses, buck teeth and all. "What does he look like?" we asked, and they said "Just like us." Now Steve wasn't too bad looking, so we got to thinking "Hmmm ... maybe?" That's when these two older guys came walking across the park, and they started yelling at Mike and Steve. It was Bob and Clarence. I was totally unimpressed with Clarence - I remember thinking "Ick, what a creep." Shows you how much opinions and values can change ...
May 28, 1972
Memorial DayNow *I* am toying with the idea of running away! (Yes! Great idea!)
I'm going to leave. I just can't take it anymore. The world, people, pressures ... it's all piling up. Dad yelling at Dick, irrationally ... the crushing ache in my heart for Clarence ... overdue library books, reports in History ... even dumb things like dirt under the living room chairs. I can't take it. I've got to get away. I envy Clarence - envy him for his freedom, for being strong enough to get away. I don't hate anybody. I like it here. The house is fine, the family is fine. School is fine. Everything is so fine, so damned fine, except the one thing that really counts ... my mind, my spirit. They are the things that feel restricted. I need some time to just get away and leave it all. But not permanently. I need the comfort of knowing that I can come back to security. Just for a little while, though ... long enough to straighten out my head.
This is what I'm going to do about it: first, I'm going to keep this completely to myself. That's going to KILL me, I know - I'm the original Miss Big Mouth. I might tell Karen, to relieve some of the pressure. And I'm going to write to Tom, right now, and tell him. He can probably tell me what to do. Until then, it's my secret and yours, Ledger.
Later before bed:
Talked to Christy on the phone a minute ago, for about 45 minutes. Her and John got back from their camping trip today ... like I told her, I'm glad to hear that somebody had a fun weekend. I've been dying to talk to someone who knew about Clarence, so I'm glad she called. She had a little bit of news, some good, some bad.
ITEM: Clarence and Carl are at a definite place - that is, they aren't just walking around out on the streets, they're staying with somebody. Relief.
ITEM: When school is out, John is planning on going to wherever they are and joining them. When does, Christy and me are going with him!!!! (unless he weasels out, which he probably will, knowing him).
Oh, and one other ITEM: wherever Clarence and Carl are right now, they'll be leaving there on Friday.
May 29, 1973
Tuesday
1 year anniversary (living) with DadSome notes I received & wrote today:
ME: Is John going to go with them after school is out? I asked him this morning and he said yah, he was. Then I go, "I know that I would go if I had the chance," and he said "Oh you'll have the chance when school is over." He also told me that (Carl's girlfriend) Diane went with them!! Did you know that? And then John said, "When Carl's not looking, Clarence will probably come back and get his girl, too." If John goes, are you going? And if you go, what is your opinion - do you think I should go too?
CHRISTY: I think this whole thing is screwed!!!! I didn't know Diane went, and John told me that she hadn't. Clarence loves you and he'll be back for you if you know Clarence. Which of course you do. That letter was so sad it almost made ME cry. If John goes I'm going, but I hope he don't. I don't want to ruin my life, but I will if that's what we have to do. I can see why you're going, but why should John & I? Neither of us have any problems at home, much! I think you should go, but I hope you don't have to. I just wish he would come back. Where did John tell you they went? I'm sorry I wasn't here before school but Deb turned the alarm off and went back to sleep. John said he told you just somewhere they were.
ME: I know - you and John really don't have any reason to go, and when you think about it, neither do I. I'm not having problems at home, either (much). The only reason that I want to go is because I really love him and I want to be with him. But it would ruin my life! I wouldn't want to go permanently ... just for a few days, so I can be with him for a little while. And the reason that I'd want you to go would be for moral support!! 'Cause I'm gonna be scared stiff, especially if I have to go alone ...
Clarence is heading for Oregon! What a shock. Then why did Kniffen drive them 30 miles NORTH? And, it turns out that they took Diane, Carl's slut girlfriend, with them.
John: "Why are you taking her with ya?"
John: "What about Clarence?"
Carl: (laughing) "To keep my bed warm."
Carl: "Oh, he's gonna wait for Terri."
Later:
Tonight Cyndi and me went to Burien, just to look around. We went to ValuMart, where I bought three 45's: "No More Mr. Nice Guy," by Alice Cooper; "Bad Bad Leroy Brown," by Jim Croce; and "Hocus Pocus," by Focus. My feet were killing me ... I was wearing Karen's too-small tennies, and they KILLED my feet. We hitched a ride home, just for the heck of it. This really nice Mexican guy gave us a lift to 132nd & Des Moines. Cyndi and me had a real long talk. She's back with her boyfriend Earl now. She told me that she used to really hate me because I was so straight and beautiful and perfect, or so she thought. But she says I've changed a lot when I started trucking around with Clarence, that I'm not so stuck up anymore. And then when she heard that he'd split to Canada, she knew that I'd probably really be changed. For the better ...?
You ask how much I need you - must I explain?
You ask how long I'll love you - I'll tell ya true
I need you, oh my darling, like roses need the rain
Until the twelfth of never, I'll still be loving you.
Hold me close
Never let me go
Hold me close
Melt my heart like April snow ...
I'll love you till the bluebells forget to bloom
I'll love you till the clover has lost its perfume
I'll love you till the poets run out of rhyme
Until the twelfth of never, and that's a long long time
May 30, 1973
Wednesday before bedI wish I was dead. Or better still, I wish I never would have been born. Then I could have escaped all this. Life is just one big fat bummer. I'm beginning to think there isn't even anything worthwhile to live for. I'm just clinging to yesterday ... to the way things used to be. Something inside of me keeps saying, "Face facts, Terri - Clarence is gone for good. You've lost him." And the more I think this, the more I realize how true it is, and the more I wish I could just end it all. When I see my friends (like Christy & John) together, laughing together, touching, whispering, sharing each other, I feel so worthless. I miss Clarence, I miss him. I have surprised myself - I didn't think I was capable of loving a guy with such ferocity. But I know I am now ... and the burning ache in my heart, the longing, just won't go away. I'm miserable. Life is so damned pointless.
I found some of Clarence's poetry today in his pee chees (which I confiscated from his locker). Here is a sample:
Don't you know I had a dream last night
And you were here with me
Lyin' by my side so soft and warm
And we talked for a while
And then we shared the dawn
But when I woke up
Oh my dream, it was gone(Imagine my chagrin when I later realized my boyfriend's "poetry" was written by Jim Croce.)
Took our Spanish final exam today during 3rd hour -- it wasn't as hard as I was afraid it was going to be. Hard enough, though.
May 31, 1973
Thursday
An otherwise uneventful day. The pain is still there. After school I went home with Christy. John got smashed on his butt during lunch today -- he drank one & a half water glasses of straight vodka -- geez, he's stupid. At Christy's, we just talked about Clarence and John and everything, and then we looked at her sister Debbie's Glacier annual. At home, I made a tamale pie for dinner, watched Star Trek (Harry Mudd and the androids) and made a Boston Cream Pie with whipped chocolate frosting. John and Christy dropped by on their bikes, stood around in the kitchen, John poking into our fridge.I'm starting to realize how completely unrealistic my plans are to go see Clarence. I might as well just face facts - I HAVE lost him for good.
Sad, lonely and depressed. Where will I be one week from now?
June 1, 1973
FridayWhat do you know? Clarence's little brother Steve finally brought me a picture of Clarence, and I love it. It's fairly large -- it's in a frame, and I'm going to keep it on my dresser forever, right next to my school picture.
Thank God it's Friday! And only 5 more days of school left. Praise the Lord!
Today - probably flunked another test in Algebra. Took an easy test in Science, got a +21. After school, found out somebody broke into our house while I was at school. They broke the latch on our back door, took one of the puppies, and broke all the eggs and cartons of milk that were sitting on our porch. Fortunately we got the puppy (Lawnmower) back, but Dad still had to call the police.
Christy invited me to spend the night, but I didn't feel like it. Instead, I went down to Karen's from about 7:00 until 9:00. Kniffen, Clarence's brothers and Jerry Turner were all there, standing out on Karen's front lawn, and we just talked. Not much was said about Clarence.
Bob invited me to his "birthday party" next week. Ha, I can just imagine what THAT would be like. No way, man.
June 2, 1973
SaturdayA very boring Saturday afternoon. Got up late, did a super-good job of cleaning the kitchen, got the mail (no letter from Clarence!! ... only a bulletin from the church, very big deal), sat around and watched "Rockin' the Palace" with the Osmond Brothers. I'll probably go to the Christian music concert tonight downtown, even tho my heart isn't in it.
I used to be a such a sweet sweet thing
Till they got a hold of me
I opened doors for little old ladies
I helped the blind to see
I've got no friends 'cause they read the papers
They can't be seen with me
And I'm feelin real shot-down and I'm gettin mean ...
~ Alice Cooper, "No More Mr. Nice Guy"I've got no friends 'cause they read the papers
Later:Went to the concert - it was pretty cool. Especially afterwards when I talked to these two older guys, one a counselor from Hope Outreach who prayed with me about Clarence ("I can tell by looking in your eyes that something's wrong"). The other guy was this Evangelist who was passing out tracts - we talked for a while, he spoke in tongues. Weird!
Can't even write straight! I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I can't believe it ...
Sunday 10 p.m.
June 3, 1973CLARENCE IS HOME!!!!
I've never been so happy in my entire life. I just PRAISE THE LORD so much for answering my prayers - He really does answer!! ... no way, man, am I ever going to doubt Him again! Not after this! Thank you, Lord Jesus, for hearing my prayer and answering it, by bringing Clarence home!!!!!
He came back today - he got tired of living with Carl up in Canada, he says, and of sleeping in a wet sleeping bag and eating canned beans and cookies every day for breakfast, lunch and dinner. So when Carl wasn't looking he grabbed 21 bucks, ran all the way to the bus station and CAME HOME. He said that he "couldn't stand one more day being away from me."
At 5:00 this afternoon I was sitting in my freshly-cleaned room, eating my dull dull dinner of macaroni & cheese, lettuce, a hard roll and a bottle of root beer, when Dad knocked on my bedroom door. "Terri, you've got company!," he said. So I came out to the front door and there was Jim Abel, sitting on his bike.
"Terri, would ya come out here for a minute, I want to talk to ya?" Jim said.
I looked like a slob -- crusty jeans, T-shirt, barefoot, no makeup -- but I went outside anyway. We were walking along the road, talking, when all of a sudden Clarence leaped out of nowhere, shouting "GERONIMO!!" I was so shocked I couldn't stand it!!
He came to church with me tonight, some movie about something, but who was paying attention?! I got home too late - quarter to 10 - and now Dad's pissed at me, but I absolutely refuse to let it wreck my evening.
June 4, 1973This was a terrific day! When Clarence and me would go walking down the hall, hand in hand, the looks on peoples' faces was something to cherish. "Clarence, you're BACK!" "What HAPPENED!?" etc. He's changed so much since he's come back -- I can't believe it. He's so much sweeter ... talks to me more, puts his arm around me all the time, etc. etc. He swears an awful lot, tho ... but thank the Lord, at least Carl isn't around anymore.
Karen and Sam like each other now, by the way. Sam is one of Clarence's friends from Wilson Creek, who's staying with Clarence's family for a few days. We met him today when he came to school with Clarence. He had his arm around Karen on the way home from school. Personally I think he's just using her - he needs a girlfriend while he's here - but it sure has made Karen happy.
Clarence and Sam are playing basketball at the school right now, but they're supposed to come over tonight after dinner. I hope they do!
Home Ec smock
3 Washington History reports Science notebook
Dr. Winters' certificates
Later:Sam got busted tonight, for running away from home, and I guess he's in juvy. Poor Karen - she doesn't know about it yet. Boy, she really has a lot of luck with the guys. Tim O'B. and Clarence came over, then we 3 went to Boulevard and I watched them shooting baskets. Tim was being a real creep, as usual. When he left, Clarence and me had a really long, super-good talk about anything and everything. It was really cool. Then he walked me home, and I went to bed early! (9:30)
The honeymoon is over already.June 5, 1973
Tuesday
4 days of school left!Today was an OK day, but not as good as yesterday. I think I can feel a bad mood coming on .. ick. Clarence was quiet, more like his old self. I guess the novelty of his being home has worn off. Darn - I liked the way he was acting on Sunday night ... like he'd never let go of me, never stop kissing me, and all that mushy stuff. It was kinda nice. But at least he had his arm around me when we walked home together ... other than that he didn't touch me at all! Hmmm. Maybe I'll be more peppy tomorrow.
Took our Science final exam - yuck-o. I guessed on most of (the questions). We had a fire drill during 5th hour, what a thrill.
Karen went to Lisa's high school graduation tonight. I did all of Dr. Winters' certificates for him and did a Chinese report. But we have to give our reports on Neighbors in Need tomorrow, and I am totally, COMPLETELY unprepared. Help! But I don't want to skip out, 'cause that's just time away from Clarence.
Clarence & Terri
Karen & Sam
John & Christy
June 6, 1973
3 days of school left!This was a pretty good day! Clarence got me into a good mood right off the bat by holding my hand on the way to 1st hour. We had a guest speaker, Joe Witte, a newsman on KING news. In Spanish, Christy, Elrod, Pam and me did our skit, "The Song of the Witches," and we all got a C (we were terrible). During lunch, Kar and me got into another food fight, she got cranberry sauce all over my jeans. In History, I didn't do my report. Shame. Science, found out I got a B on the final exam. Home Ec, we had our playschool day. It was boring, so Amy and me just sat around eating cookies and drinking Kool Aid and talking. Karen and Clarence and me walked home in the pouring down rain, he had his arm around me. How sweet.
Church tonight was really fun. Clarence came, and I actually persuaded him to come into the meeting! We sat in one row like this:
X X X X X
John Phil me Clarence Karen.
Listened to (the minister's son) Bob Wheatley sing a song, then he divided us up into groups. We had to count off by threes ... we thought, "How dumb," so K., C. and me skipped out. It was fun. Thea, Laurie, Clarence, Karen and me stood around on the balconey and talked for a while, mainly about John and school and stuff. Laurie and John have broken up! ... glee, glee. She doesn't like him anymore 'cause he's "too slow." I KNEW it wouldn't last!! Laurie is SO NICE - I don't see how I could've ever hated her. She's really sweet.
Clarence was really friendly - we were holding hands and all that good stuff. He walked me home, kissed me goodnight.
Songs I like:
"Roll Over Beethoven" - The Electric Light Orchestra
"Frankenstein" - Edgar Winters"
"Kodachrome" - Paul Simon
June 7, 1973
ThursdayYa know I wanted to be a spaceman
That's what I wanted to be
But now that I am a spaceman
Nobody cares about me ...~ Nilsson
I finally bought the album that I've been wanting for two months, "Son of Schmilsson" by Nilsson. After school Dad, Dick and me went to ValuMart, and then to Pay N Save. I found my album there, and it cost 5 bucks!! My whole allowance, down the tube! Except for that Canadian one dollar bill Clarence brought me, that says "To Terri Love Always Clarence." But I'm never gonna spend that!!
Today was a neat-o day. All the 9th graders got really dressed up - the girls in long dresses, the guys in suits. Everybody looked cool. We had our 9th grade party from 1:30 until about 4:00, it was OK. We got our annuals, and I had a few people sign it, but I'm planning on getting most of my signatures tomorrow. Clarence and me just sat at one table together, he was really "friendly." He walked me home, we held hands. Oh how sweet.
June 8th, 1973
Friday
Last day of school!This is what Clarence wrote in my annual:
- Terri,
- Well, I don't know what to say, I'll be with you this summer. And I hope we stay together for a long-long time, and that, oh hell I don't know what to say.
- Love always,
- Clarence
How romantic.
I don't believe it ... school is actually over!!! It went by so fast, and here it is summer again. It's hard to believe, 'cause it doesn't feel like summer again. I have a feeling that this summer isn't going to be as good as last summer. Oh well ... anything to get out of school.
My grades are gonna be rotten.
Later:
After a very unconventional dinner of a tomato & bacon sandwich and a bottle of 7-Up, Karen came over just to talk and stuff. She'd only been here for about 10 or 15 minutes when Clarence and Kniffen came over. They were in Mark's car and they wanted to take us for a ride, so we went. We went roaring around the Normandy Park area, around these really wild curves. Karen had to go home at 8:00, but I decided to go for more of a ride. So Clarence and me sat up front with Kniffen, and we drove down around the slaughterhouse and around Allentown. We almost got into a wreck!! Mark went around one corner a little too fast and another car was coming. Just then the car died!! So Clarence and Kniffen had to get out and push the car to get it started again. We went back to Karen's - after Kniffen got a glass of water and left, Clarence, Karen and me stood around in her front yard. She kept trying to get a picture of him & me hugging. No way!! Then Clarence and me went over to Cyndi's, sat around listening to Black Sabbath records. That was fun, but I had to be home at 9:30.
June 9, 1973
SaturdayOh man, what a day! (What a night!!) Went with Karen today to see "Class of '44" at the Southcenter Theater. Man, Gary Grimes is cute! Especially when he smiles. The movie was good, but the co-feature, "Rage" (with George C. Scott) was kind of dragging so we went over to Southcenter and wandered around a little bit. It wasn't any fun without any money, though - although it WAS fun goofing around on the Bon Marché elevator! Got home around 6:00. Karen called to say she couldn't spend the night because she had to babysit, as always, so I went ahead and had my dinner, a raw hamburger and a can of 7-Up.
Clarence called at about 7:00. I told him to come on over since my Dad was going out (Bob's having his kegger tonight). Clarence came around 8:30, stayed till midnight. After Dad left and Dick went to bed, we had the whole place to ourselves. The TV was on, but who was watching? We were laying on the couch, and he was getting so turned on - I swear, I'm not kidding - he was actually shaking. He was pressed against me as close as you can get (right on top of me). He had to leave at 10 to 12 ... how sad.
It is now 12:30 - Dad isn't home yet. I'm gonna go to bed!
Written in my special *secret code*
... thginot rdolc yllufwa emac eW. ytinigriv ym gnisol pu dne I fi ,lliw ylbaborp I hcihw ,remmus lla ecneralC htiw yats I fi ,desirprus eb t'ndluow I.
June 10, 1973Didn't go to church this morning. Dad, Dick and me went over to Grandma and Grandpa Vert's house for most of the day, having a sort of "family reunion." Gim, the family matriarch, was there, herding everybody around as usual. Also there: Aunt Bonnie and Elizabeth (Elizabeth is getting SO BIG now!!), (my cousin) Linda and her two kids, Dawna and Sean, and (my other cousin) Gillie and her husband Bruce with Tawnya. Dawna Jeanne is really cute. She was wearing a little pink dress, with her hair up in a little ponytail. Sean Allen is an absolute darling - he was asleep the whole time, up in my old bedroom, but I snuck upstairs with Linda and took a peak at him (he was born April 2). He's a little angel.
The family get-together
L-to-R: My cousin Elizabeth Ann Criss; brother Dick, age 14; cousin Linda, holding her daughter Dawna;
Grandpa Vert; Great-Grandma Irene Elliott ("Gim"); Grandma Vert; me; Aunt Bonnie
1973
We gave Puff away to Gillie & Bruce. Good!!! That means only 2 more puppies to go.Church tonight was OK - a Billy Graham movie about Judgement. Clarence came with me, but he was unusually subdued and quiet. After church while we were walking home, he didn't do a THING - didn't even put his arm around me!!! We came to my house, but I didn't feel like going in yet, so we walked. He had his arm around me then. We walked down to the park and up Des Moines Way, and then he kissed me goodbye.
June 11, 1973Tone of this day: BORING. Laying around in this deserted house, listening to the radio, wishing Clarence would come over. Karen was over earlier - we ate bologna sandwiches and salad, then we called up Brian Watkins, but she had to go home early. So here I sit. Last night when I was saying goodnight to Clarence, I told him to drop over today and he said OK, he would. But so far, no show.
The Sr. High is going to Lincoln Park tonight for Teen Scene. I'm not sure if I want to go yet ... depends on if I can convince Clarence to go (if I SEE him, that is!)
This is so boring, just sitting around, I can't believe it. I hope the whole summer isn't like this!!!!!
Thrilling Phone Calls I Received Today:
1. Grandma Vert - Asked me if I wanted any watermelon
2. Bob Hanna - Called to tell me all about Teen Scene.I am now in a lousy mood.
That night:
An evening that started out horrible wasn't a total loss, thanks to good timing.
I didn't really want to go to Lincoln Park with the church tonight -- I wanted to be with Clarence, but he'd already called to say he couldn't go (he was semi-drunk - had just finished emptying Bob's keg). But I went to the church anyway, even got on the bus ... and at the last minute, I decided not to go. So I got off the bus just as we were leaving, and started walking around in hopes of catching a glimpse of Clarence. No such luck. I walked clear over to Grandma's to pick up Karen's yellow windbreaker. Everybody there was in a panic - Gim is really sick, and the car is broken down, and they needed to get to the store to buy some Pepto Bismol. Well, you know me, Joe Girl Scout, I offered to walk over to Albertsons to get the medicine for her. Took me 20 minutes, Grandpa gave me 96 cents for doing it. I hope Gim gets well.
After that I decided to go home, so I came home thru Boulevard Park school's playground. Alva and all his little friends (little Sagmo, Early & Owens) were there, and they started swearing at me, calling me a "slut" and all that. I was SO MAD, I went home and told Dad. He got in the car and went over there, started giving 'em hell.
I had just resigned myself to a quiet, boring evening, when Clarence called at 8:30. He invited me to come over and play pool with him, Bob & Kniffen. So I got Dad's OK and went over to his house. It was pretty fun. Most of the time Clarence and me sat on Steve's bed, watching Kniffen beat Bob in pool. Mark is really good! And Bob was cracking me up. He's so funny (and cute, too)! Clarence was acting like his old self, "buying lots of lunch"!!! Which is good. He kissed me 3 times, right there in front of Mark and Bob. Thank goodness they didn't say anything about it. After they were done playing pool, Clarence took me into his bedroom - we just sat there on his bed, talking to his littlest brother Joe, listening to the radio and ? (nothing dirty)
On one of the cabinets in his room, in green paint, I saw written "TERRI" and a heart with an arrow through it. How sweet!
I almost got canned for coming in late - 4 minutes late, big deal - but I managed to escape punishment. Clarence is gonna call tomorrow.
June 12, 1973
Tuesday
What the hell is the matter with (Dad)??? ("Your lack of concern will be remembered payday.") What could I have done with his damned green stamps? I didn't have any idea where they were -- did he expect me to just toss aside everything I'm doing and run out there and worry? I could really care less. (My period) is making me very cranky and irritable. Here I am, working on a "Fun Book" for him for Father's Day ... now I think I'll just bag the whole thing. He's not worth it ...
Exciting day, ha ha. Got up at 11 - Karen and me rode our bikes over to the school (Sunset) to pick up my check from Dr. Winters for doing the calligraphy on the certificates. He paid me EIGHT BUCKS!! I was expecting about 3 ... then we just sat around. Had a pretty nice lunch of warmed-over meatballs w/mashed potatoes and gravy. Watched the Galloping Gourmet chop the guts out of a fish - INSTANT LOSS OF APPETITE. Clarence called but he had practically nothing to say. His phone calls always frustrate me.
Now I'm debating - should I wash my hair? It's dirty, but washing it with Bright Side Shampoo is like washing it in plain water. Does ZILCH to get my hair clean.
Hope I see Clarence - probably won't tho. Clarence just called again, during Star Trek. Again it was a frustrating conversation. I asked him if I should come over, and all he'd say was "If you want to." Nothing about whether he wanted me to or not. Hmmm ... good? bad? I'm just sorta sittin around now, deciding whether I should or not ... it's kind of a pride thing. If he doesn't want me ...
Later:
I went, all right, and I shouldn't have even bothered. He must have been in a rotten mood or something, 'cause while I stood around in their basement and watched Bob play pool, Clarence was in his bedroom listening to his radio!! For about 1/2 an hour!! I was so hurt and lonely I almost started crying. Finally he came out after Bob yelled at him. ("Get out here and take care of your girlfriend!") He acted like nothing had happened - he kissed me twice, acted like his old self. I guess I forgave him, tho I shouldn't have. He walked me to the door and WAVED goodbye. Hoo boy.
Watched "Catherine of Aragon."
June 13, 1973
WednesdayThis day was SO BORING ... absolutely zero happened. Geez, I hope the whole summer isn't like this!! I spilled a bottle of ink in my room all over everything ... Tom Horton and Sue Wieker, youth leaders at church, came to visit ... we just talked, prayed for Clarence & stuff.
What am I gonna do tonight? I wish Clarence would call me! Even tho I'm not even sure I should be talking to him yet, after the crummy way he treated me last night.
Later:
Tonight was really, really fun. Both Clarence and me went to the Seattle Center with the church, and it was a blast! Most of the time we just walked around together, talking and kidding around, or we sat by the huge musical fountain until dark ... how romantic. He walked me home, of course.
June 14, 1973
ThursdayToday I stayed home by myself, and at about 1:00 Clarence came over to keep me company. We just sat on the couch together watching "Marilyn" (a documentary on the life of Marilyn Monroe). Dick bought "Roll Over, Beethoven," which is currently my favorite song, so I've managed to confiscate it.
Tonight I went roller skating with the Sr. Hi -- most of the time I hung around with Phil. Clarence couldn't go, but it was fun anyway. I had this terrible craving for ice cold root beer, so I borrowed money from everybody and bought 5 glasses!!
June 15, 1973
FridayToday I went over and spent most of the day with Grandma and Gim. I used the sewing machine to finish up on my smock -- it's all done now, except Grandma's going to put in the button holes and the buttons. I played the piano, did laundry, all that stuff. When I got home, I cut my hair about 2 inches. I sorta wish I hadn't. I bought some new Alberto Balsam shampoo and some Tame Balsa & Body Creme Rinse.
Grandma had me pose in the backyard, wearing the Home Ec smock she helped me sew.
(That's my dog, "Nellie Belle.")
1973
Then tonight I went to the all-night party at church. It was real fun 'cause Clarence went too and he was in a very affectionate mood. First, at 10:00 at night, we loaded up the bus, went to Tacoma and played putt-putt golf for about an hour. Clarence and me just stood there and watched, he had his arms around me to keep me warm. It was so cold, tho, that we finally went and sat in the bus with Cyndi, waiting for everyone to get done. He kept kissing me then. Then we went and stood around on Tacoma's Skid Row, singing "Jingle Bells" to all the drunks and watching Wayne Dyrness walk his invisible dog. It was so funny! And on the way back to the church we kept having Chinese Fire Drills -- that's where every time we came to a red light, everybody had to pile out, run around the bus and get back to their seats before the light changed. I was having cramps and didn't exactly feel like being jostled around, so I just sat there and watched. When we got back to the church, we went up in the Sr. Hi room and watched some movies. Clarence and me sat on a couch in the very back, I slept on his shoulder. The movies were the Three Stooges, Laurel & Hardy and 2 others. After the movies, we listened to Tom talk and read from the Bible. By this time it was about 4 in the morning, and I was so zonked out I could barely stagger to my feet long enough to once again load the bus. We drove around for about an hour, until it started to get light outside. We were looking for an all-night bowling alley but none were open, so we went to Liberty Park, but nobody felt like going out in the rain to play football. So back to the church. I didn't tell Dad I was going to the party -- I told him I was spending the night at Karen's -- so I couldn't really come walking into the house at six in the morning. So Clarence and me went over to Boulevard Park School for about an hour. It was pouring down rain, so we stood on the wide porchway to the office, where it was nice & dry. We talked about a lot of things - what it was like for him in Wisconsin, etc. And he was talking about us getting married - how we have to wait 3 years until we're both 18, we're gonna have an apartment rather than a house, etc. Oh, I remember how we got on that subject!! He was trying to pick me up, like a man carrying his bride over the threshold, and he said "Oops, can't do that 'till we get married."
When I figured it was safe, about 7:00 a.m., he walked me home and I slipped in thru the front door - thank you, Lord, for leaving it unlocked! - and crawled into bed. Slept until 12 or so.
Saturday - Dad is in a terrific mood, who knows why? Maybe because he has the day off. And so far, I'm not too tired.
Clarence says I'm starting to get heavy. :(
The Lord gave me a song today - He calls it "One More Chance." The words are on the next page.
Clarence came over tonight - typical Saturday night. "Goodbye Mr. Chips," Peter O'Toole and Petula Clark.
God, I never tried to reach You
Never tried to love You Never tried to understand Your ways
Never gave a thought to dying
My mind was fused on living
And thoughts of death seemed strange and far away
Now, God, I'm trapped inside this nightmare
I'm lost without Your Spirit
I didn't even miss You till You were gone
Lord God ... give me one more chance.
Death is a lonely kind of feeling
The emptiness surrounds you
The light of God no longer lights the way
A prisoner without a hope of Ever seeing light again
And knowing God has left me Here in bondage I must stay
If only I'd have listened
Believed in His command and Believed in His story
I'd be free again Lord God ... give me one more chance.
They told me of Your glory
Of all Your power & wisdom
And all I had to do was ask you to live in me
They said You sent Your only son
Here to die for me and You loved me:
like a child I could be born again
I didn't listen
I wanted to run my own life
And now it's too late I'm lost forever
Lord God ... give me one more chance.(Geez, what a happy little ditty!)
June 17, 1973
SundayI didn't go to church this morning - slept in late, and it sure felt good.
Dad, Dick and I went over to Grandma and Grandpa's to take Grandpa a Father's Day present (a steak), but he was working so we had to stay and "visit" for about 1/2 an hour. Greg and Chellaigne were there, eating lunch. They spent the night there last night because Uncle Paul and Aunt Elva were out of town. Boy, talk about OVER-PROTECTION! Greg's older than me -- he's 16 -- and Chellaigne is 14, but they still have to have a babysitter because their parents won't leave them alone overnight.
Came home, everybody did a super thorough job of housecleaning. Grandma finished my smock! Then I washed my hair, just sat around drying it, listening to records, etc. Ate a chicken pie and a package of Twinkies for dinner.
At about 6:30 I went over to Karen's, we got a ride from Darrell Wilson over to church. It was a Body Life service in the parlor, and it was pretty neat, except practically none of my friends were there - they were all on the Jr. Hi retreat to Lilly Dell Dunes. Clarence wasn't there either, so I sat by Karen and her latest boyfriend, Larry Quantz. They started liking each other at the all-night party, and he's really sweet. Mark McClamrock, Roger Cox and Dale sang for us, they were pretty good. After church I went outside in the pouring down rain, Clarence was standing out there on the balconey! So we walked over to my house, and since tomorrow was Dad's day off, he stayed until 12:30. Clarence and me just sat on the couch together, watching TV ("Soul Train") and stuff. We talked a lot, too - about when he started liking me, and where we'd be if we weren't together, and all that. He told me that the first time he ever noticed me was that time he accidentally grabbed me when we were at our lockers, and I looked at him and smiled! I don't remember that at all!
One time last night he was just about to kiss me, but I kept turning away and laughing, just to tease him. Then I said, "Not unless you tell me you love me." Where I got the courage to say that, I'll never know. He looked at me and said, "You say it."
- Me: "What?"
Him: "You say it!"
Me: "I love you."
Him: "I love you too." And then I let him kiss me.A few minutes later, when Dick was gone and we were alone, I looked at him and said, "I really do love you." He said, "I love you too, probably more than you'll ever know." He told me that while he was in Canada, he thought about me constantly. Hmmm ... and here I was, thinking about him constantly, but thinking that he probably was too busy with "other girls" to give me a second thought! He left at 12:30. Hope he didn't get in trouble!
Two virgins. (For now.)
June 18, 1973
MondayI'm starting to realize something awful ... Karen and me are starting to fall away from each other a little bit. I don't spend nearly as much time with her as I used to - all my free time these days is spent with Clarence. She doesn't call me as much anymore, either.
This was a quiet day, nobody came over tho both Karen and Clarence called. Clarence spent the day with Elrod, playing football & baseball; Karen was with Larry. Tonight she's going to go see "The Poseidon Adventure." I'm just spending a quiet evening at home, listening to records and enjoying my nice CLEAN bedroom. Shock - I actually cleaned it up!
Clarence is gonna come over tomorrow. Yay!
Gee - seriously - I pray that Karen and me don't grow apart. In spite of everything, she's still my best friend. I'm not jealous that she went over to Cheri Elmer's today, or that she went to Farrell's last night with a bunch of kids from church - or even that she seems to be developing a new set of friends. I'm happy for her ... I just hope that we stay good friends, and that other friends and other interests don't draw us apart.
June 19, 1973
TuesdayHmm. Am I starting to spend too much time with Clarence? It's starting to seem that way. He came over today, spent the whole day, called me twice after dinner, and then I saw him tonight. It's not healthy!
He came over at about 12:30 - nobody home but just him and me again, so we had the whole house to ourselves. We watched a neat-o terrific movie on Channel 13, "The House of the Seven Gables" with (sigh) Vincent Price. (??????) While we were watching it, Karen and Larry dropped over - they stayed for about 1-1/2 hrs. For a while, Karen and Larry were in my bedroom, laying on my bed!!! It was pretty fun.
Clarence left at about 5:00 - Dad came home late. We had chicken and potato salad for dinner, and lemon pudding cake for dessert.
After dinner Karen called up and asked me to spend the night, so I packed all my stuff and got ready to leave. Just then Clarence called and asked if I could come over. What could I do?? I went and dropped my stuff off at Karen's and told her I had to go stay with Grandma for an hour or so (I'm sorry Karen if you read this - I didn't mean to lie and deceive you, and I didn't want to ... but I didn't think you'd understand.) Roger T. was there at Clarence's house, so I watched him and Clarence play pool for a while. After Roger had to leave, Clarence and me went into his room to talk, listen to the radio, etc. He changed his furniture around AGAIN! That's 3 times now! He had all the lights off, and we were just lying there on his bed ... we weren't doing anything bad. But I was starting to feel uneasy about the whole thing. What if his mom came walking in or something? So I decided to leave. Clarence walked me over to Karen's.
It was fun at Karen's - we stayed up until one in the morning, eating cherries and watching the "American Bandstand" special.
June 20, 1973
WednesdayThis morning I woke up at 10:00, so I decided to leave Karen's right away, in case Clarence had gone over to my house early or something. Just as I was walking home, I ran into Clarence and John Sharick. They had just gone up to my house, woke Dick up trying to find me. They came over, but John had to leave at 11. Clarence stayed all day - we just hung around in my room, watching TV and stuff.
At about 1:00 things started happening faster than I could keep up with. It started out to be just Clarence and me. Then Karen dropped over. Then Roger Turner came over. Then Lucky & Dago (Pat & Sharon O'Brien, CB radio friends of Dad's) drove over and asked me to babysit their 3 kids. Then Dick came home. Then the guy who took one of the puppies called to say he couldn't keep him, and that he was going to drop him off in a few minutes. All within the short space of 15 minutes!
So I had to babysit Cissy, 5 - Danny, 6 - and Kathy, 3. They went into my room and got into everything. Gradually, all my company left. I babysat again tonight at the O'B.'s until 11:30. It was OK but boring. After I finally got the kids in bed, I listened to the stereo, talked to Clarence on the phone and all that. He came by after church for about an hour, from 8:00 to 9:00, but after he went home his mom wouldn't let him come back over. I wonder what his mother has against me? Mothers never liked me.
Should you wander this land to the North
(And few seldom do)
Should you follow the song of the gull
To enchanted western isles
Coax a fisherman to take you out
Where the silky seals are seen
Hear the stories that they tell about
The maiden who is their queen
The maiden who is their queen
Celia of the seals
She knows just how they feel
Celia of the seals.
Seal hunters are not brave and bold
They murder her poor weak seals
And cut off their skins to be sold
Cursed be he who deals
There's no reason for this slaughtery
They're left on the rocks to bleed
He's not a man who does this thing
It's a cruel and heartless deed
A cruel and heartless deed
Celia of the seals
She knows just how they feel Celia of the seals
~ Donovan
June 21, 1973Kind of a bummer of a day, but a pretty good evening. The Sr. High's at church left today for their retreat to Lilly Dell Dunes, so Karen is gone until Sunday. I really wanted to go but I couldn't afford it ($12). So things were very quiet around here. Clarence didn't even call! (until later). I just sat around, cleaned my room, watched Lewis Retrum on Password, and listened to "Celia of the Seals" about 40 million times.
Late in the afternoon, Dad's friend Lucky called, wanting me to babysit, so I said yah, OK. Then Clarence and Roger came over for a while, the two of them just goofed around on my phone. ("Hello, Mr. Apple? Is Mr. Orange there? Sorry, wrong fruit!") while I washed the dishes and finished dashing off letters to Mark, George and Nancy. I sent Mark a picture of me. I'm expecting a letter from Dee Dee any day now. After C & R left, Dad came home, we had a neat-o terrific dinner of tacos and tropical fruit salad. I went to the store and got some QT, some lemon scented fingernail polish remover, and some Vaseline. Then I got ready to go babysit, and Dad drove me over. I watched "The Waltons" with Cissy, Cathy & Danny, then put them to bed early. Right after Dago (their mom) left, Clarence called, wanting to know if it was OK to come over. He came at about 9:15 and stayed for 2 hours. We just layed there on the couch, watching "The Wild Dogs of Africa" and listening to records. He told me he loved me about 3 times ... that's neat, because before he was so afraid to say it.
One thing I'm not so especially proud of is the fact that I let him completely feel me up. I'm not kidding. At first, when we first started making out and stuff, two months ago, all he'd do was fiddle around with my bra strap in the back. And at the time, that was a BIG MOVE! But now he's completely "un-shy" ... at least he's subtle, tho. I mean, he isn't all grabby and everything. He does it so gently, I can't even resist. I KNOW it's wrong, but I don't even feel wrong about it. Or guilty. Or anything. He says he loves me, and during those times when he gets really super-super turned on, when he starts trembling and breathing unevenly, and holds me so close I feel like I'm being pressed into him, I feel like if he said "Terri, let me make love to you," I'd just give in and let him. I have no strength of will! I read somewhere that a relationship changes once a couple has made love, sometimes not for the better. But I know that that fact, and even my own religious beliefs, wouldn't stop me once I gave in ... it'd be too late. But I should realize: feelings change, and sooner or later Clarence and me are bound to break up. And then what would I do, if I'd let Clarence make love to me? How could I ever face him again? And how could I be sure he wasn't "bragging of his conquest" to all his buddies, and I hadn't earned myself one heck of a bad reputation?
Must think about this.
Friday
June 22, 1973Clarence asked me to go with him today!! (in a roundabout way)
Got up late this morning, around 11:30. First thing I did was to don a pair of cut-offs and go lay outside, drinking 7-up, listening to the radio and reading the Bible - resplendent in my new, uneven tan (thanks to QT - got it all over my hands, and now my fingers are half brown, half white. Cool.)
Oh, before I forget: my dream last night was the one where me, Dan Kent and Phil Rehberg were in this weird experiment. We were inside a house, and outside a construction crew was dropping million-ton bombs into the front yard to create an earthquake and study its effects on the house. I was so scared! We listened to the monitor, and Control said "6 seconds to the bombing ... they have now released the bomb." Seconds later the bomb hit, the earthquake ensued, and the house started collapsing. I shouted "GO!" and we escaped out the back door just as the house crashed to the ground.
Clarence came over, so I didn't get to finish any of my work until late. When I finally got around to washing the dishes, I sliced my thumb up royal on a knife. Ouch! We sat outside and played in the grass with Lawnmower, our new puppy.
Clarence is gonna buy a ring for me! Glee, glee.
After dinner (pork chops, mashed potatoes with gravy) I just sat around, waiting for Clarence to call or come over or something.
Saturday
June 23, 1973I feel like an A Number One First Class Creep. I was supposed to babysit tonight for Lucky and Dago - again - and I didn't really want to, 'cause I wanted to be with Clarence (Saturday night and all, you know). So I turned him down, Dick went over and babysat for them instead. But it was worth it. Clarence came over at about 7:45 and stayed until midnight. What fun! We watched TV, including the first hour of one of my all-time favorite movies, "Gemini II" (I'm watching the rest right now).
We are now officially going together!!! Glee, glee.
Me: "Are we going together now?"
Him: (kissing me) "Yep."
Me: "For sure?"
Him: "Yeah ... that is, if you want me."
Me: (nod)
Him: "If you want to go with me?"
Me: (looked right at him and nodded slowly)
Him: "Good. I'll get you a ring, just as soon as I can afford it. Your birthstone, it's December, isn't it?"
Me: "Yeah."And, once again, we came right onto the brink of going all the way ... we had the whole house to ourselves, lying on the couch ... Clarence was getting very turned on. He was pressing against me, closer and closer, and we were losing each other in very long, involved kisses. I have a feeling that he would've gone farther -- he was right on the verge -- when he suddenly got up, said it was time to go, and hastily kissed me goodbye. I guess he was trying to protect me, and I appreciate it. I keep thinking, "What would it hurt?", and I want to give in. I want him to make love to me ... there is something burning inside me, a longing, a hurting desire. It's weird.
Oh by the way - spent the day babysitting at Lucky & Dago's - THRILLS and CHILLS.
Saw some baby pics of Clarence. His baby nickname was "Curly" !!!
I LOVE CLARENCE FOREVER
Sunday
June 24, 1973Today: at the last minute I decided to go to church ... I wore the dress that Mom gave me for Christmas, the one with the low neckline. No one was there except for Jerry, so him and me sat together. When I came home I took a shower, then sat around in the living room reading the funnies. It was pouring down rain outside, so the house was very cozy. Clarence called - I listened to him fiddle around with his radio, yell at his brothers and unscrew the phone for half an hour - then I told him I was gonna go outside and walk in the rain, and if he wanted to come with me he could. He came over a few minutes later. We walked to Albertsons, looked at all the kiddy coloring books ... ran into Pam ... then we walked over to Boulevard Park school, where I looked through the window into my 1st grade classroom. We came back to my house, sat in the living room watching TV and reading the paper. When Dad and Dick went to Pay 'n Save, we had the house to ourselves for a while.
Dinner tonight: Hamburger steak w/onions, mashed potatoes and gravy, spinach. Dessert: Twinkies, ice cream bar, one cream puff
Tonight Clarence came over 'cause his brother was having a pot party and he didn't want to get mixed up in it. Dad went to bed early, so we sat on the couch and talked about a lot of things ...
Late at night:
Woke up at 2:30 in the morning, and I could hear this really, REALLY beautiful music coming from Dick's room. I figured that he'd probably gone to sleep in front of his TV - but the music was so strangely haunting that I had to go see what it was. Sure enough, Dick was asleep in front of the tube ... and the music turned out to be a 15 minute program on Channel 4 called "Note on Faith." All it was was beautiful movies of the ocean, and this gorgeous music all over everything. It touched me so much. (Called the TV station the next day -- a nice lady looked it up for me and said it was Mantovani, "Songs of Praise")
Monday
June 25, 1973Got up at 6:30 a.m. to watch the morning edition of "Notes on Faith" and clean my room. Then I went back to bed and slept for 3 more hours. Clarence came over at 10:30 when I was looking my scroungiest ... hair stringy with oil, dull and lifeless, no makeup, Dad's old sweatshirt, my ripped up jeans, barefoot ... YUCK! But he didn't seem to mind. His mom got really mad that he came over, though. All he did this morning (he says) was get up, eat, take out the garbage and leave. His mom screamed, "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" He said, "Over to Terri's." She got really mad, yelled at him to get out "and never come back." His mom thinks he spends too much time over here, and frankly so do I! Even Clarence thinks so. I mean, wow ... it's neat that he loves me so much, but we're together, usually alone, all day and all night. That's not healthy. Plus it seems like all we do now is make out. There isn't much left for us to do, except for going all the way, which I don't want to do. Now that I have weighed the advantages and the disadvantages, I realize what a HUGE mistake it would be ... I'd be throwing away my whole life. So there's nothing left. There's no mystery left. Whatever happened to the good old days, way back in April, when Clarence & Roger might come over on Friday nights? Only they'd never ring the doorbell - I'd wear my eyes out, scanning the roadside for them. Then we'd stand out by the road for 3 hours, talk, FREEZE, and if I was lucky he'd put his arm around me. What happened to that?
Clarence isn't going to come over tomorrow ... he agrees, we see each other too much. So he said "I think I'll shock the hell out of my old lady and stay home tomorrow." He's supposed to call me tonight, even though he won't come over. I wish he would, but I understand. (Tomorrow is Dad's day off so tonight would be perfect for Clarence to come over - what rotten timing.)
Karen came over today, which for some strange reason put Clarence in a rotten mood. He went outside and stared into space, leaning against the mailbox. When Clarence left, I FINALLY got to wash my hair. Relief!
Tuesday
June 26, 1973This was Dad's day off so I spent a fun four hours doing the laundry. Neat, huh? We went to the laundromat by Gov Ma'rt Bazaar, so while the clothes were washing themselves, Dad and me went and looked around Bazaar. I tried to find Mantovani's "Songs of Praise" in the record dept. but those dufii (plural of "dufus"!) didn't have it. We also went to House of Values, where Dad bought me a pair of navy blue tennies, which I NEEDED DESPERATELY! I looked at bathing suits - most of them are around ten bucks, way too expensive. Hmm. We ate fish and chips for lunch at 2:00, so I'm full now.
Clarence might come over tonight ... wouldn't that be neat.
I had an orthodontist appointment - Dr. Oliver made a plaster impression of my bottom teeth, which are going crooked again. I'm going back in one week to get a plastic retainer. Yay! The Evil Laurie Q. , Stealer of Boyfriends, wore an orthodontic retainer, and it gave her what (I thought) was a charming lisp. So of course *I* wanted one, too.
Later:
Dinner tonight, one bag "Boiling Bag Beef" over bread, THAT'S ALL
After dinner, when Dad and me were sitting in the living room watching "Maude," Clarence came over. What a neat surprise! Him and me walked to the store for Dad, to buy him a couple of candy bars. Then we 3 just sat there watching TV until Dad went to bed. Clarence watched the first half hour of "The Six Wives of Henry VIII" with me, then he had to leave at 10:00.
Dad gave me this really neat makeup kit that was undeliverable (he's a mailman) - it has all kinds of good stuff in it, like eye shadow, skin cleanser, hair conditioner, etc.
Important things Clarence said: "For sure I'll see you tomorrow" AND "I really missed you today."
Wednesday
June 27, 1973Got up early - 'bout 9:30 - washed my hair and took a shower. My great-grandmother came over for a while, while she was out for her morning walk. Then Karen came over, we just sat around and talked about Larry, Clarence, etc. She called up Mark Peterson, just for the heck of it - she said she was Kim (Houk Gilbert) and asked if he had my address. His voice is so deep!! He sounds kind of cool. He told her that he just got a letter from me yesterday. (Yesterday??!)
Now I'm sitting out in the backyard - brilliant sunshine! - listening to the radio.
Later:After Karen left, I had nothing to do, so I washed up the dishes, listened to records, and started typing up lists of stuff I'll need for camp. Dad called at about 3:30 to say he'd be late, and he told me to make him some iced tea and take the hotdogs out of the freezer to thaw. Just as I was starting to do that -- trying to chisel open the ice-encrusted freezer -- Clarence and Tim came running into the living room, tennis rackets in hand. What a surprise! They stayed for about an hour, we just goofed around. Clarence grabbed me, kissed me and said "Mmm, I've been waiting all day for that." It was really fun. Clarence says he'll come back later.
Did he?
Yah (written later), he did, at about 10 minutes to 7. Dad and me were just sitting there in the living room watching TV with the door open when Clarence knocked and said "Avon calling!" We watched TV for a while, then we went for a walk. We went to the park, then to my old house on 18th Avenue (he gave me a boost and lifted me up so I could see into my old bedroom) and to Sunset Jr. Hi.
When we got back to my house at 9:30, we watched "All In The Family" - it was Edith's reunion AGAIN, for the 3rd time this week!! He left at 10:30.
Thursday
June 28, 1973My two main dreams last night:
1. Clarence was going to leave home again, this time for good. I woke up crying.
2. I went to Firwood, but this time a bunch of my friends - Clarence, Christy, John Sharick, Phil, Pam - came with me. One time I was looking out my window and I saw Clarence and Pam walking down the road together, holding hands. Again I woke up crying, after having a violent dream-argument with Christy ("Well, if he likes her, why doesn't he tell me?" "Because he doesn't want to hurt you." "Does he like her better?" "Yah, he does.")
This was a pretty good day! Got up early, cleaned my room, then worked on more lists for camp. Then Clarence came over - we just sat around in my room and talked until about 1:30 when Dago called up, asked if I could babysit her 3 kids. So Clarence and me walked clear over to their house, picked up the kids and brought them here. They were driving me CRAZY - "I wanta glassa water," "I wanta go outside," etc. etc. Plus Cathy (age 3) got into my very best, most expensive eye shadow and wasted about half the tube, getting it all over everything. ANGER!!
Clarence brought over his friend Kenny Durst. Kenny's kinda short and pudgy, but he's REALLY funny.
I went grocery shopping with Dad, and collected my $2.00 babysitting money from Dago.
Dinner: 1 Bonus Jack Hamburger, a small bag of french fries and a Strawberry Honeydew Soda.
After dinner, Clarence, Kenny and me went and spent about 90 minutes at Kim S.'s, just talking and listening to Kenny crack his jokes. After that, when we were walking home, I was acting like I was bombed. (Who knows why.) Clarence came home with me, we watched "Kung Fu" and "The Streets of San Francisco." It was so funny - at 10:30 he had to leave, and he was just walking out the door when he looked back at me, lying on the couch, and I gave him this look that said "Please don't go." He looked at me, then said "Aw, geez," shut the door and came back to me. He said, "I can never leave you."
Oh, and one other thing he said that was real sweet: "I love you more than anything." And I told him about my very disturbing dream last night, about him and Pam liking each other, and how hurt and upset I was when I woke up. He said "No WAY!! I don't see anything in her at all!" That's good.
Expecting letters from: Mark, Dee Dee, Tom, George, Nancy, Cindy, Sam (but not really)
45 days until camp!
12 weeks ago was the first time Clarence ever kissed me!
5 weeks ago Clarence left for Canada!
Clarence has been home for 26 days = 3 weeks + 4 days
Friday
June 29, 1973Oooh. I just called Clarence - it's about 7:00, and I wondered if maybe he could come over. Boy, talk about rotten timing! Here is the conversation:
Mike answers: "Hello?" Clarence's dad also answered on the upstairs phone, he stayed on the line the whole time.
Me: "Hello, is Clarence there?"
Mike: "Just a minute. Clarence, it's for you, it's Terri."
Clarence: (a few seconds later) "Hello!"
Me: "Are you in a bad mood?"
Clarence: "No, I just broke the light switch - I went to turn it off and it jammed."
Clarence's dad (from the upstairs phone): "Clarence, you better get off this phone right now. How come you lied to your mother and told her YOU didn't break it?"
Clarence: "I didn't break it until just now!" (Then they argued for a few minutes)
Clarence's dad: "You better get off this phone before I come down and knock out a few teeth!"
Clarence: "Well, OK, I'll see ya later."Great conversation, huh? I expect he'll probably call back later.
I'm at Grandma Vert's house tonight - I'm spending tonight, all day tomorrow and tomorrow night (I was right: Clarence just called back) while Grandpa is in Oregon, taking Gim home. For my payment she's gonna take me to buy a new bathing suit for camp. Glee!
Today - completely cleaned and rearranged the shelves above the stove and refrigerator. Then Kenny came over, followed soon by Clarence, then Karen. We sat in my room, where I did a painting for Dad, and we just talked and goofed around. (It's a good thing I cleaned my room!) At about 4:30 or something, Clarence and Kenny walked me over to Grandma's. I had to carry all my stuff over there, so they helped. Had dinner - baked chicken and baked potato, yum. Clarence called again, and his mom won't let him come over because "he was out all day." I wonder why (his parents) hate me so much!!
Later: they came over for about 15 minutes (Clarence & Kenny).
5'5" and 120 pounds. Hmm. If I could get myself down to 110 pounds - and then MAINTAIN - I'd be happy. I seriously hate you.
Saturday
June 30, 1973Crum, crum, crum. Grandpa isn't going to be back from Gim's until about 9:30 tonight!! Which means that I'll probably have to stay here at Grandma's tonight again, and I won't get to see Clarence. And even if I do get home at around 10 or so, it'll be too late for Clarence to come over. Shoot! There goes my whole day, right down the drain. It's unfair!! Why can't Grandpa leave NOW, and get here early??? Why does he have to stay and fix Gim's fireplace? Saturday nights are mine - I should be able to go out and do whatever I want!!!! You big shallow self-centered baby!
But poor Grandma - I shouldn't be selfish. She can't be left alone, not with her weak heart. Aww ... it won't be so bad. OK ... you're somewhat redeemed.
My tan is fading! Gasp! But you're still shallow.
Later:
I am very bored. It's 1:30, and I just finished polishing off a huge lunch of ham TV dinner, w/salad and milk. Now I'm just sitting here in the living room, watching some boring movie about the six-day war. How thrilling. So far, no word or show from Clarence. I wonder what he's doing today - probably working. Last night when I told him there was a chance I might be leaving for 4-5 months, he was practically crying. He doesn't want me to go! He was on something, I'm not sure what but Kenny said he was, and he grabbed me, held me as tight as he could and said, "Don't go ... I don't want you to go."
I have no memory of this whatsoever. I think I must have been making up this supposed "trip," just to toy with Clarence's emotions.
I spent the whole day (at Grandma's) nibbling on raisins, talking on the phone, working on Dad's painting and playing the piano. After dinner - a turkey TV dinner - Clarence called. It was such a neat conversation!! 'Cause we TALKED the whole time - no long, empty silences - he sounded like he was in a really terrific mood! And he said, right out of the blue, "You're beautiful. I don't know what I'd do without you." Then he said he was coming over, but Kenny got here first. When Clarence came, Kenny and me were outside looking at Grandpa's rocks. I let him take one piece of petrified wood - he wanted more, but I said NO WAY. After he left, Clarence and me went inside. I introduced him to Grandma, then we went and sat on the couch with Grandma, watching TV and holding hands. If Grandma was at all put off by my wild-looking boyfriend, she didn't show it. Grandpa came home at 9:00 or so, so Clarence and me walked home. Dad & Lucky went out until about 1:30, so we had the place to ourselves - except for my brother, who never left us alone for one minute! We watched "Mission Impossible" - Clarence was in the neatest mood! - He was supposed to be home at 11:00, but thanks to a little persuasion from me he stayed until quarter to 12. Hope he didn't get in trouble!!
After he left, watched Channel 5 movie, "The Innocents," about a governess finding out the two children she is caring for are possessed by ghosts. (Miss Giddons, Flora, Miles.) Then watched last 1/2 hr. of "Last Time I Saw Paris," and Note of Faith (until about 3 a.m.)
Sunday
July 1, 1973Didn't go to church - slept in till 11:30. Grandpa and Grandma came over early, brought over my new rocking chair and a bunch of books from Gim. Around lunchtime I put a chicken pie in the oven to bake for 40 minutes. While it was cooking, I walked over to the store and "got" a few things - my weeks' supply of QT, some Swedish Tanning Secret, some baby powder. Walking home, eating my Baby Ruth ice cream bar, I saw Clarence and Roger playing basketball at the school. They saw me too, and yelled something at me, but I couldn't stop - my pot pie might be burning! About an hour later they came over (I knew they would). We just stood around on the porch and "stuff." After Roger left, Clarence and me walked to the store for Dad, bought corn, 7-Up, frozen vegetables, etc. Delicious dinner tonight - barbecued spareribs, and peas and potatoes in cream sauce. Yum!
Clarence came over again around 7:00, stayed 2 hours. We sat out in the front yard, watching me draw, listening to the countdown Billboard Top 40, grass fights, etc. Then came in the house at 9:00, "watched TV" (ha ha). By this time, 'watching TV' had become a euphemism for making out to the brink of consummation.
Monday
July 2, 1973What a day ... Got up at about 7:00 - EARLY - and did a million things - showered, washed my hair and did my legs - got dressed, ate breakfast, washed the dishes, cleaned my room. All before 11:00. Then I ironed a couple of shirts for Dad, finished his Adam & Eve pictures and sewed 2 buttons on Clarence's Air Force jacket. What energy! Went through the vacant house next door (for fun) with Dick and Gary. Got a neat-o terrific 6 page letter from Mark, which I answered immediately. I sat outside in the front yard sunning, listening to the radio and writing his letter (and drinking Dick's root beer, tee hee). Clarence called at 2:00 or so, didn't have much to say except that he was writing me a poem, and he might be over later. He came over at 2:45, when I was in the living room watching TV. Right before he left at 5:00, Mark Kniffen came over in his car (how wonderful). Dad, Dick and me had to take Lawnmower to the vet to get his shots. While Dad waited in the office for over an hour, Dick and me were suffering in the stifling heat (in the car). We stopped at Jack In The Box for hamburgers.
Clarence came over at about 7:00 - we sat out in the front yard as usual, listening to the radio, watching me eat my dinner, wrestling (?) and drawing. I drew him a picture of me.
When Dad went to bed, we had at it in the usual manner. Only this time Clarence was getting more turned on than ever! The usual necking & petting session but more ... He just about died tonight, moaning and breathing heavily and shaking.
He said he's gonna come over tomorrow at 9 a.m. !!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday
July 3, 1973Dad makes a token attempt at parenting.
I really don't think it's any of his business!!! Geez, he makes me so mad - telling me to "cool the cuddling."
Today: Clarence came over early this morning, at about 9:00, when I was still sleeping. We hung around my room for a couple of hours. Then I got dressed and washed my hair, and we went out in the backyard and laid in the sunshine. I got a letter from Nancy Gayle - she's going to Firwood this year, too. At 1:45 I went shopping with Grandma and Grandpa. We went to Lamont's - they bought me a new bikini, brown and white, and 2 pairs of white knee-highs. Then we stopped off at Sunnydale Food Center, where I bought a jar of strawberries. My orthodontist appointment was at 3:45. Dr. Oliver gave me my retainer. Scott Shearer was there. Got home and sunbathed for a while. Chicken pies for dinner.
At about 7:30 I went over to Clarence's and stayed until quarter to 11. We just sat around in his room, looking through all his records, talking and stuff. I saw this written on his door (I wasn't supposed to see it), "Terri is love, love is Terri." There was more but I didn't catch it all. I talked to his parents briefly - his mother actually acted friendly!! (We talked about braces.) Clarence walked me home, stayed until almost 12:30.
Wednesday
July 4, 1973I'm talking to Clarence right now on the phone - he's in a rotten mood. My sore mouth (from wearing the new retainer) put me in a very lousy mood. I snapped and snarled at everybody - luckily it didn't get me in any trouble. In fact, when Clarence called at about 12:30 (he was at Elrod's party), I hung up on him!
- Clarence: "Well, I'll see ya later."
Me: "I DOUBT it." (click)
I didn't think he'd call back, but he did later in the afternoon. I sunbathed for about an hour.
Dinner: Dad and me had some beef stew for dinner, strawberry shortcake for dessert. Clarence came over at about 7:30, stayed late. We watched TV for 2 hours with Dad. Then when Dad went to bed we were alone together. I kept tickling Clarence's back - that really, really turns him on, especially when I
(entry ends abruptly ... and intriguingly.)
Thursday
July 5, 1973Wasted day. Karen came over for a while, for a change - we just sat around in my room and talked, catching up on all the latest news. I had to listen to all her endless stories about Larry and all her church friends and what a great tan she got and other assorted b.s. trivia. What a thrill. Watched some movie, "It Grows On Trees" starring Irene Dunne, about a lady who discovers two money trees in her backyard. Then, when I was eating my steak and mashed potatoes dinner, Clarence called, wanting me to come over. I got there about 6:30; Clarence and his little brother Joe were the only ones home. We sat in the living room listening to their terrific stereo, talking to Steve and Mike when they came in. His mom and dad got home around 8:30 -- his Dad just sorta glared at me, but his mom was real nice. I talked to her about Tasha's puppies. Then Clarence came over to my house for a couple hours -- we watched "Kung Fu."
Friday late
July 6, 1973
I spent the entire day with Clarence. He came over at 9:30, when I was still asleep in bed. We sat in my room for a couple of hours and talked and "stuff" -- then I got up, got dressed, ate breakfast. We got real energetic, pitched in together and cleaned the living room. (He swept, I dusted and straightened.) Then late in the afternoon I cleaned up the kitchen, ate a chicken pie for lunch, watched "The Dating Game" with Clarence, etc. Clarence left about 4:30 or so. I baked a chocolate pudding cake, and we had pork chops, creamed peas and fried rice for dinner.
At about 7:00 Clarence and Tim came over. They tried to fake me out by making me think they had a ring for me, when it was really a watch Tim bought for his girlfriend. Ha ha. Very funny. We walked to Albertsons, and I got really super pissed off with them because they were talking about drugs. Very impressive. I bought a can of orange pop and a balloon. (?) I was gonna buy a new ledger, but they didn't have what I wanted. Clarence came home with me, we watched "Sanford & Son" and "All In The Family" with Dad. After Dad went to bed we watched "Room 222," "Love Thy Neighbor" and part of "Love American Style." Clarence left early: no amount on cajoling or pouting or pleading could make him stay. I was sorta mad, but then I got to thinking - am I clinging too hard?
Times I feel like breaking up ... like there's no mystery left. Other times - like it's gotta last forever. When will we break up?
Saturday
July 7, 1973I didn't do hardly anything today - nobody called, nobody came over. Dick went swimming at Hick's Lake with the Josephs, so I was stuck at home by myself. I ironed Dad's shirts, sunbathed, etc. Clarence called late in the afternoon but didn't have much to say - just something about him breaking a window with his fist, cutting up his hands and feet. Oh yah, I almost forgot -- I curled my hair in the morning. (Thrill?) When Dad got home, I watched TV to pass away the time, then cooked some Beefaroni for dinner. After dinner, when I was just sitting in the living room listening to my new Nilsson album, Clarence came over unannounced. At first he was in a terrible mood - he went outside in our driveway and just stood there for 45 minutes. Never said a word, never even came inside. I was upset, but I just stayed in (the house), watched "To Rome With Love." Finally Christy rode over on her bike and she got him talking. Then he was in a great mood - after she left, we made up. (Pam and Will broke up, and Pat and Penny did too.) We watched TV - he was in such a terrific mood! Him and Dick kept running outside, throwing rocks at Scott B. and Todd S. I got annoyed with my brother at one point, started crying. He wouldn't leave us alone!!! But he did, finally.
Sunday
July 8, 1973This was a frustrating day. I kept trying to put all the pieces together, but nothing fit. Not that things went bad, really - just a little screwy, falling short of my expectations. Didn't go to church ... went with Dad and Dick over to Top Hat to take back the lawnmower we rented. We stopped off at Triple X and got hamburgers and root beer. Then Dick and me put on our cut-offs, went out in the backyard and washed Dad's car. Cloudy, grey day. Ate a ham TV dinner, curled my hair, got ready for church. Nobody was there!! (except me & Clarence) Not ONE of my friends! So I left. Tim stopped Clarence and me as we were walking by his house, we stood around and talked with him for awhile. Clarence didn't feel very good so he went home. Tim and me talked for a while longer, he's pretty cool (when he wants to be). Went home, drank a 7-Up ... then Clarence came over. He was feeling better by then. We watched "The Taming Of The Shrew" with Eliz Taylor and Richard Burton. Clarence left at almost midnight.
Monday
July 9, 1973Clarence hasn't called or come over or anything all day ... and here it is almost 7:30!!! Sob! Maybe he's out of town, or mad at me - I wish he'd call me! Then at least I'd know what was going on.
Boring day - the usual dish-washing, changing clothes, sunbathing. Amy Roberts called me today, late in the afternoon, and we talked for about 45 minutes. We barbecued for dinner - I had a hamburger, Dad had steak.
One year ago RIGHT NOW (this very minute) I was a miserable girl ... I was at Firwood, lonely and homesick.
Did Clarence call me tonight? Yes
Did I see him tonight? No
He called at about 8:00 - he's been in bed sick all day. I knew it!! I won't get to see him tonight - SHOOT! But, like he said, "Maybe tomorrow, huh?"
Catherine of Aragon (Mary) - divorced
Anne Boleyn (Elizabeth) - beheaded
Jane Seymour (Edward) - died in childbirth
Ann of Cleves - divorced
Catherine Howard - beheaded
Catherine Parr - outlived the old fart
Tuesday
July 10, 1973Very boring day ... what a waste this summer has been. I suppose Clarence probably won't come over tonight, either - I haven't seen him for 2 days!! He called me twice today: once at about 2:30, just to talk, and once right before dinner to find out how to spell Norman. (???) He said that he doubted his parents would let him out tonight -- terrific. I really miss him! Please Lord, let him come over tonight!!
Like I said, boring day.
Later:
He didn't come over - 48 hours since I've seen him. Not even a call. I wonder why?
More later:
SHIT!!! Aggravation!! I just found out that my *!?%#! phone has been off the hook for the past 3-1/2 hours, maybe even longer. No wonder I didn't get any call from Clarence ... gee, that makes me MAD!! Well, maybe I'll see him tomorrow ... I hope so! 'Cause I miss him like crazy ... a couple days ago I was thinking that maybe I should avoid him for a couple of days - that we were seeing too much of each other, and a little break would be helpful. Now it's driving me NUTS!!
Wednesday
July 11, 1973What a day ... after I got up, washed my hair and watched Judy Garland & Van Johnson in "In the Good Old Summertime," I got 2 phone calls - one from Mom, saying she'd be over later, and one from Clarence saying he'd be over in 10 MINUTES!!!
REMINDERS:I owe letters to - Tom, Dee Dee, Mark
Write letter to Mrs. Anderson at The Firs!!
Ask Tom Horton what verse that was (6/13/73, about the Lord caring)
Simplicity Pattern No. 5465 Size 12
Albums to buy:
"Songs of Praise," Mantovani;
"Bridge Over Troubled Waters," Simon & GarfunkleDeadline for all Soft letters to camp: July 9 (Monday)
Orthodontist appointments: July 3, 3:45 Aug 9, 4:30
The story you have just seen is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
WORDS OF WISDOM:
5/20/73 "Hey, man!" Terri Vert
5/23/73 "I'll drink to that." John Sharick
5/27/93 "I wish I were a tiny sparrow And I had wings, and I could fly. I'd fly away, to my own true lover." Peter, Paul & Mary
6/3/73 "You pervert!" Clarence G. T.
6/5/73 "Gee you're swell ..." CGT
6/6/73 "Don't give me chives, man."
6/23/73 Clarence's childhood nickname - "Curly"
6/21/73 Clarence's nickname for me: "Luv" ("Hey, luv, what's the matter?")
6/27/73 Our pup "Lawnmower" - "Great mower of many lawns!"
6/29/73 "AAAA!" (as in cat) Terri Vert
7/5/73 "Hey." Terri Vert
FAVORITE SONGS DURING THIS JOURNAL:
"Bad Bad Leroy Brown" - Jim Croce
"No More Mr. Nice Guy" - Alice Cooper
"Hocus Pocus" - Focus
"12th of Never" - Donny Osmond
"Frankenstein"
"Kodachrome" - Paul Simon
"Roll Over Beethoven" - Electric Light Orchestra
"I'd Rather Be A Cowboy" - John Denver
"Delta Dawn" - Helen Reddy
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