JOURNAL NO. 5
May 1973 - June 1973
it seems like all we do now is make out. There isn't much left
us to do,
except for going all the way, which I don't want to do."
Later that same evening
May 20, 1973
spent the night
last night -- it was really fun. After we got back
Tim's house at about 11:30, we just sat around in the living room,
watching "Night Gallery" and eating pizza.
was so tired this
morning when I woke up, I almost didn't go to church. But at the last
minute I changed my mind and decided to go. I'm glad I did. it was
really neat - The Ambassador Chorale from Multnomah School of the Bible
was there, and they sang for us. I sat upstairs in the balcony, between
Mike and Phil. Neither John or Laurie was there. Darn ... (ha ha)
I'm just sitting
around in my room, listening to Dad's "Peter, Paul & Mary"
I've got a lot of time to kill between now and church tonight. Karen is
babysitting, so I don't have to worry about her coming over. I guess I
should clean my room ... it's a mess. But I don't have any energy!!!
really made pointers
with Dad last night by coming in 15 minutes early. I've got to win his
trust! And more than anything I've got to make him trust and like
Clarence. (An impossible dream?) Or at least get him past this level of
went to church tonight,
and it was really neat ... the polar opposite of two weeks ago right
now. I think I have finally found, within my heart, the capacity to
love Laurie as a Christian sister. I talked to her briefly a couple of
times - once she said "Hi, Terri," and I flashed her my sweetest smile
and said hi. Then another time, down in the basement when the movie was
starting, I asked her if she knew where Mike was. At least it's a step
in the right direction. I'm still completely ignoring John ... I don't
dare start getting friendly with him, in case I wind up with egg all
over my face again. Like the song that Lobo sings: I
love you too much to ever start liking you/So let's just let the story
have an end/I love you too much to ever start liking you/So don't
expect me to be your friend. That fits my feelings exactly.
wants to be "friends," but I just can't do it. I'm not that strong yet,
and the hurt is still there.
Anyway - Clarence
came to church with me tonight! What a shock! We saw a movie about the
Billy Graham Crusade, and the message was really powerful. Dr. Graham
talked about God's judgement on the world, and how no one can escape it
unless they accept Christ as their personal Savior. I'm not sure, but I
think that maybe Clarence got something out of it ... I pray to God
that he did. Christ could make such a big difference in his screwed-up
life. He has so many hassles ... with his step-dad. with his brothers,
with school - the guys he hands around with at school, like
John and Carl, are such a rotten influence on him. He's
to goof around with drugs and all that crap - his older brother Bob
just got busted for grand larceny. So he really needs Christ in his
life, to help straighten him out. I just pray that if there's any way
that I can help him make that decision - to turn to Christ - that the
Lord will give me the grace to do it right.
Karen, Brian Watkins and me all walked home together.
May 21, 1973
a traumatic day.
John and Christy almost broke up today ... matter of fact, there's
still a chance that they might. Personally, I wouldn't blame her a bit
if they do. He treats her like dirt -- yells at her, insults
tells her where to go and what to do and who talk to, spends her money,
etc. etc. I don't even see why she stays with him. Him and Clarence
hang around each other - a LOT - and that's too bad, 'cause they rub
off on each other.
Dad really jumped
onto Dick's back tonight. I won't go into the details, but I will say
that I think Dad was being entirely unreasonable. If I were my brother,
I'd move out of this house, FAST. God, every time Dick even steps out
of his room, Dad starts yelling at him: "You better clean
that pigpen up, Buster!" or "You better bring
that math book home TOMORROW NIGHT or ELSE!"
I feel so sorry for Dick, my heart feels like it's going to
break. Dad doesn't even try to understand Dick. I'm
"little darling" -- I can get away with murder. But
Dick even step out of line one fraction of an inch, and POW!
got my pictures
today!!! (from camp last summer) Almost a year later -- I can't believe
it. Pictures of me, Kerry, George, Tom, Clancy, Karen, etc. etc. I'm so
happy! Kerry's so CUTE in them ...
almost makes me wish I wouldn't have broken up with him!
Tonight we (Dad,
Dick, Kar and me) all went to Herfy's and had hamburgers for dinner.
Then I went to Karen's until 9:00. We walked to the store to buy some
milk for her mom, and on our way back we stopped and talked to Kenny
and Brian. We 4 sat in Karen's yard, talking and drinking root beer.
After they left, we talked to Rick Gookstetter and Aaron Ondracek, who rode
their bikes. At last, about 8:15 or so, Clarence came by. He was in a
sort of sullen mood, "waiting for Kniffen." He looked pretty cute tho.
Made me feel SO UGLY! He walked me home but he kept his hands
entirely to himself. Hmmm ... I luv him lotz.
May 22, 1973
Tuesday 10:10 p.m.
tonight after school, when Kar, Clarence and me were walking
home, Kniffen drove up behind us, wanted to give us a lift. I
didn't want to go, and neither did Kar, so Clarence went with him. They
were driving around, trying to get me to ride with them. They even came
driving over to my house to try and con me into going for a ride, when
I was goofing around in the kitchen with Dick.
I ate dinner at
Karen's - pancakes - and then her parents and Lisa went out so we had
the house to ourselves. Clarence and Kniffen came strolling by
stayed until almost 9. Clarence was in a fairly good mood, but Karen
and me were rolling ... we were
everything. Kniffen was busy being real "cool." (choke
choke) Rick G. was there too. Clarence kissed me
Stayed at Kar's until 10, watched a Connie Stevens movie (about the
house mother). Then her mom drove me home.
an assembly today
at school, a vocal & music concert. Ho hum. Got out of taking a
Science test ... said that my "eyes hurt too much."
School is NEVER gonna end!! (my own personal observation)
When you're lost in a dream.
~ Judy Collins
May 23, 1973
"Wuthering Heights" by Emily Bronte today. I've been meaning to for a
long time, but I never got around to it. It's really good.
Today: finished art
work on the final newspaper. I got to read
parts of it
in advance: I won the "Most Artistic" award !! Math,
day with our sub, a real witch named Mrs. Ringenbach (while
Mr. Bartholick's in the hospital). We had to take a test for the school
district, to see how fast we could do some arithmetic problems to
see if the sound-proofing of our classroom did any
talked to Mike Baxter
a couple of times, once before school and once after lunch. He's real
sweet. Hey, and get this, both him AND Clarence asked me for my picture
today! Weird coincidence, huh?
Home Ec I finished the yoke facing on my smock (I did a crummy job -
the shoulder seams don't match).
school, Mark Kniffen was waiting for us in his car, but again
and me said "No way!" So while we walked home, they kept driving past,
doing about 110 mph, and yelling "CHICKENS!" at us. After I washed the
dishes, we went to Karen's and watched the movie "Shenandoah." It was
so sad, I was sitting there bawling my eyes out.
church we really
had a neat time. Laurie and me are friends now (knock on wood). We got
a little time to go off by ourselves and read out of the books of
Haggai and Jeremiah, and think about "how we've fared" in our Christian
is what I wrote on a scratch paper:
Lord. I realize
what you have been trying to say. By giving me all these problems and
trials, Father, you've been telling me that I've been changing ... and
I haven't been faithful to your commandments. I understand now, and I'm
sorry. I haven't listened to You ... I've been too "busy" trying to
unscrew my life. Boy, what a mess I've made of it, too - I can't do
ANYTHING right without You. That's why I need You so much, and love You
so much ... Thank you.
who - you guessed it - Clarence and Kniffen were waiting for me. They
wanted to give me a ride home, and when I said I didn't want to go home
yet, it's only 8:30, Clarence almost got mad and left. But finally I
broke down - in a moment of sheer stupidity - and said Yah,
OK, I'll go for a ride.
Well ... Clarence and me sat in the back, with the radio full blast
(they played my favorite song, "Roll Over Beethoven" by Electric Light
Orchestra) and we went ripping up the road. We dropped Roger
first, then Kniffen says "Where d'ya wanna go?" and I said back to the
church to get Karen. At first she wouldn't come with us, but with a
little persuasion she did. Brian came with us too -
and Mike sat in front, Bryan, Clarence and me in back. It was fun! We
just drove around Southcenter & stuff. I was holding onto
like I'd never let go!! (so what's new?) One time he was kissing me and
just then Kniffen started to swerve. How embarrassing!! Then they took
drama begins! Wheeeeeeeee!
May 24, 1973
news (for me
at least). I found out today that Clarence is running away
from home tonight, with Carl Hallagin and probably Kniffen. Carl
that they'd be back by Tuesday, but there's a chance that they might be
leaving for good. Neither one of them can get along with their parents,
so it would be no big surprise (if they don't come back). I don't know
very much about it because nobody would tell me anything, but this is
what I do know: they're leaving tonight; Clarence has all his stuff
packed - a bunch of shirts, some pants, etc. (he told John, John told
Christy, Christy told me), so I guess he's all ready to go; Carl says
that they're going up to a cabin in the mountains, by themselves. I
also know that they're taking a whole bunch of wine and beer with them,
probably some grass too. I'll bet you ANYTHING they'll have some girls
up there, too. I don't mean to be the jealous girlfriend, but I can't
should I do, cry
or what? There's nothing I CAN do. It's his life, after all. I just
wish that I could see him before he goes - that he'd come over or call
Karen and me got a
ride home from school from Kniffen, by the way, but Clarence didn't say
a thing about "seeing me later." Terrific. What the heck am I gonna
runs in a circular motion
Thought is like a little boat upon the sea
Everybody is a part of everything anyway
You can have everything if you let yourself be.
one of our
brief conversations today, Clarence told me to "be sure and look in my
mailbox before I go to school tomorrow." Hmmm ... I wonder. Is he going
to write me a note or what? I wish he would ... I've got one million
and one terrible ideas floating around in my head.
is going to sound
weird, and mushy, and probably boring to you (whoever
are), but I feel a real need to express myself on paper. Clarence
probably hasn't even left yet and already I miss him terribly. I'm not
kidding ... I feel like a part of me has been taken away. I can tell
already that this is going to be one BORING weekend.
I first seriously
considered liking Clarence, about two months ago, the idea seemed
strange to me, remote and unheard-of. I didn't even KNOW Clarence,
except as this kinda weird, kinda cute guy in my Home Room. Even so, he
didn't seem like me "type" ... how wrong I was. I thot that by giving
up John and going with Clarence, I was junking my whole life - my
church relationships would slide, I'd start messing around with drugs,
wild parties, et al. I figured Clarence to be a real (quote) "long
haired hippie freak" (unquote). I just can't believe how much my
opinion has changed. It didn't take me long to get to know
-- we went from the
"saying-hello-as-we-passed-in-the-halls" stage, to the "standing-around
-with-a-bunch-of-friends -with-his-arm-around-me" stage, to the serious
stage in a matter of days.
love him ... I think. He's told me he loves me before, too.
May 25, 1973
By the time you
read this, I'll be gone. Not because of you. Because of something else.
I want you to know, I love you very much. I hate to go but I have to.
And I mean what I say. And by the way Mark is a good driver so you can
trust him. Friday I'll be gone, and John will tell you ware I went. But
I want him to. So you know what's happening. I will right you
something, someware. And Terri I hate what I'm doing because I'm
leaving you. It's hard to right, to right this letter. I'll probably
stop by your house and look before I leave. So I can remember you, and
even Karen. But if I can I will see you or I'll try. Just remember that
I love you very much.
remember you always, and I will. Tell everybody good by for me, even
Roger. You have my A.S.B. card so you can remember what I look like,
and I have memories, only. Here are my air forse stripes also. You also
have my wind breaker. What ever you want of mine, get it. Please
you alway, and always,
I say more? He's gone ...
(in a more rational mood):
feel like crawling
up into a hole somewhere and just dying. WHY did this happen?? The Lord
just brought me through one very traumatic period, when John and me
broke up -- I thought things were finally
going to start going smoothly. So why this, out of the clear blue sky?
It just seems so darned unfair. I'm finding it very difficult to
accept, or to even understand. Why did he leave? Will I ever see him
again? Is this the end of our relationship? Or does the Lord have
something good planned between Clarence and me? I never before
realized just how much I loved him until now that he's gone. I say
"loved" - past tense - but I still do love him, and I probably will for
a long time. He means everything to me. He has changed my whole life
... I really love him. I miss him something terrible.
mush and tear-jerking dribble is bound to go on for pages, Dear
wonder where he is
right now ... what he's doing, what he's thinking about. I wonder if he
thinks about me as much as I'm thinking about him -- or if he's missing
me as much as I miss him. I don't think he's left my mind (or heart)
once during the past 24 hours.
State Patrol is
out looking for him right now and they're bound to catch up with him
sooner or later. When they do, and they bring him back to Seattle, one
of three things will happen. He'll be put into "juvy" (juvenile center)
for a long long time. Or he'll be put in a foster home somewhere. OR
he'll be sent back to Wilson Creek, Wisconsin to live with his real
dad. Either way, I probably won't ever see him again, and
will be the end of that. His parents won't want him, and they won't
take him back - at least, that's what Bob says. Why? Why? WHY?? It's
not fair, it's just not fair!!!!
changed my mind at
the last minute and decided I wanted to go to Fort Casey with our
church group after all. I'm glad I went. It gave me a chance to think
about Clarence and me, and to re-evaluate my feelings. Also, it gave me
a chance to get away from everything. Laurie didn't
which cheered me up a lot - even though we're friends now, there's not
as much of a strain when she's not around. Karen found
new boyfriend, some Glendale guy named Steve, so she wasn't
too much. Mostly I hung around with Mike, Phil and
it was really fun. We went crawling around all the old dungeons and
stuff, played on the beach, ran around in the PITCH DARK
"switchboard" ... I'm not kidding, it was
so dark in
there, you couldn't even see your face in front of your hand
(sic). I took Clarence's Air Force jacket with me, and his
letter, and I let a few people read it. Their comfort and prayers are
night I didn't
have anything to do, so I just walked around (the
neighborhood) for a couple of hours. Nothing could have broken
heart more. I went to all of "our" spots
basketball court at Boulevard, where I sat in the middle of the court
with his note and cried ... Sunset Park, where I
him last summer (when I thought his last name was Japanier)
... 20th Avenue, past his street and Tim O'Brien's
... Sunset School -- I looked
cafeteria, where I will be sitting next Tuesday, just like always, and
his place will be vacant ... our homeroom class
was just too much to bear.
May 27, 1973
can't I shake
this?? Every single time I think about him, my heart hits rock bottom
and my eyes start brimming with tears. This has been a nightmare of a
weekend. I took my calendar and put a black ring around the 24th, the
25th, and the 26th. I'll keep doing that, for however long it takes my
heart to heal. Then on the day he returns ...
cold and tired,
and I wish I could crawl into bed and sleep for ten million
years ... and when I wake up, Clarence
would be home,
and school would be over, and it would turn out that it was all one big
dream and he hadn't really left at all.
did absolutely zero
today. Karen came over late in the afternoon. I made a "Clarence Box,"
a little keepsake chest that I keep all my things from him in, like his
A.S.B. card, the two notes he wrote me, his sleeve off his old jacket,
his Air Force stripes, etc.
Body Life. Practically no one was there, 'cept me, Phil, John, Laurie
and Thea. I got to feeling really sad and lonely for Clarence during
the singing, so I left and went into the girl's bathroom to be
myself and sort out my thoughts and stuff. Laurie could see I was
really upset so she followed me into the bathroom, and we sat and
talked for about 1/2 an hour, about Clarence and everything. I praise
the Lord so much for it ... there we were, rapping like life-long
buddies, and a few weeks ago we hated each other SO MUCH! See
He answers prayer - that's why I'm so sure He'll bring Clarence back to
was supposed to spend the night after babysitting for the Dennas, but
I'm SO TIRED and it's getting awfully late.
is a bit of nostalgia -- my diary entry from June 10, 1972, about a
year ago -- on the first day I ever saw Clarence:
spent the night
at Penny's house last night, and tonight
Penny is staying
here at my house. We went to the park, were following around these two
guys (Blondie and Green Shirt), unobviously of course, ha ha, and were
being followed by this sickening little family quartet
F!') that just moved in, the Japaniers."
next day I wrote:
afternoon Karen, Dick and I went to Evergreen Pool ... the Japaniers
were there (wunnerful) ..."
didn't go into a
great amount of detail in either of those ledger entries, but I can
clearly recall my first impression of Clarence and his family (or, as I
called them then, the "Japaniers"). The first time I ever saw Clarence
was on June 10, 1972. It was a wonderful summer night ... light out
until 10, fine clear weather, nothing to do. Penny was spending the
night, so we decided to go to the park across the street from my house.
We were swinging on the swings, when all of a sudden I saw two elfin
little faces spying on us from the bushes near the Recreation Building.
I thought it was Glen Hartzog at first, but then I realized it was two
younger boys whom I'd never seen before. They started talking to us -
said their names were Mike & Steve Japanier and that they'd
moved into the neighborhood. They were really swearing a whole lot and
stuff, and Penny and me thought they were pretty gross. They said that
they had two older brothers, Bob and Clarence. "Clarence?!?!?" Penny
and me cracked up over that name. We could just see him ... crew cut,
horn rimmed glasses, buck teeth and all. "What does he look like?" we
asked, and they said "Just like us." Now Steve wasn't too bad looking,
so we got to thinking "Hmmm ... maybe?" That's when these two older
guys came walking across the park, and they started yelling at Mike and
Steve. It was Bob and Clarence. I was totally unimpressed
Clarence - I remember thinking "Ick, what a creep."
you how much opinions and values can change ...
May 28, 1972
am toying with the idea of running away! (Yes! Great idea!)
leave. I just can't take it anymore. The world, people,
pressures ... it's all piling up. Dad
Dick, irrationally ... the crushing ache in my heart for Clarence ...
overdue library books, reports in History ... even dumb things like
dirt under the living room chairs. I can't take it. I've got to get
away. I envy
Clarence - envy him for
his freedom, for being strong enough to get away. I don't hate anybody.
I like it here. The house is fine, the family is fine. School is fine.
Everything is so fine, so damned fine,
except the one
thing that really counts ... my mind, my spirit. They are the things
that feel restricted. I need some time to just get away and leave it
all. But not permanently. I need the comfort of knowing that
can come back to security. Just for a little while, though
long enough to straighten out my head.
is what I'm
going to do about it: first, I'm going to keep this completely to
myself. That's going to KILL me, I know - I'm the original Miss Big
Mouth. I might tell Karen, to relieve some of the
I'm going to write to Tom, right now, and tell him. He can probably
tell me what to do. Until then, it's my secret and yours,
to Christy on
the phone a minute ago, for about 45 minutes. Her and John got back
from their camping trip today ... like I told her, I'm glad to hear
that somebody had a fun weekend. I've been dying to talk to someone who
knew about Clarence, so I'm glad she called. She had a little bit of
news, some good, some bad.
Carl are at a definite place - that is, they aren't just walking around
out on the streets, they're staying with somebody.
When school is
out, John is planning on going to wherever they are and joining them.
When does, Christy and me are going with him!!!! (unless he weasels
out, which he probably will, knowing him).
and one other ITEM: wherever Clarence and Carl are right now, they'll
be leaving there on Friday.
May 29, 1973
1 year anniversary (living) with Dad
notes I received & wrote today:
Is John going
to go with them after school is out? I asked him this morning and he
said yah, he was. Then I go, "I know that I would go if I had the
chance," and he said "Oh you'll have the chance when school is over."
He also told me that (Carl's girlfriend) Diane went with them!! Did you
know that? And then John said, "When Carl's not looking, Clarence will
probably come back and get his girl, too." If John goes, are you going?
And if you go, what is your opinion - do you think I should go too?
I think this
whole thing is screwed!!!! I didn't know Diane went, and John told me
that she hadn't. Clarence loves you and he'll be back for you if you
know Clarence. Which of course you do. That letter was so sad it almost
made ME cry. If John goes I'm going, but I hope he don't. I don't want
to ruin my life, but I will if that's what we have to do. I can see why
you're going, but why should John & I? Neither of us have any
problems at home, much! I think you should go, but I hope you don't
have to. I just wish he would come back. Where did John tell you they
went? I'm sorry I wasn't here before school but Deb turned the alarm
off and went back to sleep. John said he told you just somewhere they
I know - you
and John really don't have any reason to go, and when you think about
it, neither do I. I'm not having problems at home, either (much). The
only reason that I want to go is because I really love him and I want
to be with him. But it would ruin my life! I wouldn't want to go
permanently ... just for a few days, so I can be with him for a little
while. And the reason that I'd want you to go would be for moral
support!! 'Cause I'm gonna be scared stiff, especially if I have to go
is heading for
Oregon! What a shock. Then why did Kniffen drive them 30 miles
NORTH? And, it turns out that they took Diane, Carl's slut girlfriend,
"Why are you taking her with ya?"
John: "What about Clarence?"
Carl: (laughing) "To keep my bed warm."
Carl: "Oh, he's gonna wait for Terri."
me went to Burien, just to look around. We went to
I bought three 45's: "No More Mr. Nice Guy," by Alice
"Bad Bad Leroy Brown," by Jim Croce; and "Hocus
Focus. My feet were killing me ... I was wearing Karen's
too-small tennies, and they KILLED my feet. We hitched a ride home,
just for the heck of it. This really nice Mexican guy gave us a lift to
132nd & Des Moines. Cyndi and me had a real long talk. She's
with her boyfriend Earl now. She told me that she used to really hate
me because I was so straight and beautiful and perfect, or
thought. But she says I've changed a lot when I started trucking around
with Clarence, that I'm not so stuck up anymore. And then when she
heard that he'd split to Canada, she knew that I'd probably really be
changed. For the better ...?
ask how much I need you - must I explain?
ask how long I'll love you - I'll tell ya true
I need you, oh my darling, like roses need the rain
Until the twelfth of never, I'll still be loving you.
Hold me close
Never let me go
Hold me close
Melt my heart like April snow ...
I'll love you till the bluebells forget to bloom
I'll love you till the clover has lost its perfume
I'll love you till the poets run out of rhyme
Until the twelfth of never, and that's a long long time
Wednesday before bed
wish I was
dead. Or better still, I wish I never would have been born.
I could have escaped all this. Life is just one big fat bummer. I'm
beginning to think there isn't even anything worthwhile to live for.
I'm just clinging to yesterday ... to the way
to be. Something inside of me keeps saying, "Face facts,
Terri - Clarence is gone for good. You've lost him."
And the more I think this, the more I realize how true it is, and the
more I wish I could just end it all. When I see my friends (like
Christy & John) together, laughing together, touching,
sharing each other, I feel so worthless. I miss Clarence, I miss
him. I have surprised myself - I didn't think I was capable of loving a
guy with such ferocity. But I know I am now ... and the burning ache in
my heart, the longing, just won't go away. I'm miserable. Life is so
found some of Clarence's poetry today in his pee chees (which I
confiscated from his locker). Here is a sample:
you know I had a dream last night
And you were here with me
Lyin' by my side so soft and warm
And we talked for a while
And then we shared the dawn
But when I woke up
Oh my dream, it was gone
(Imagine my chagrin
when I later realized my boyfriend's "poetry" was written by Jim Croce.)
our Spanish final
exam today during 3rd hour -- it wasn't as hard as
afraid it was going to be. Hard enough, though.
otherwise uneventful day. The pain is still there. After school I went
home with Christy. John got smashed on his butt during lunch
today -- he drank one & a half water
straight vodka -- geez, he's stupid. At Christy's,
talked about Clarence and John and everything, and then we looked at
her sister Debbie's Glacier annual. At
home, I made a tamale pie for dinner, watched Star Trek (Harry Mudd and
the androids) and made a Boston Cream Pie with whipped chocolate
frosting. John and Christy dropped by on their bikes, stood around in
the kitchen, John poking into our fridge.
realize how completely unrealistic my plans are to go see Clarence. I
might as well just face facts - I HAVE lost him for good.
lonely and depressed. Where will I be one week from now?
June 1, 1973
know? Clarence's little brother Steve finally brought
picture of Clarence, and I love it. It's fairly
-- it's in a frame, and I'm going to keep it on my
forever, right next to my school picture.
God it's Friday! And only 5 more days of school left. Praise
flunked another test in Algebra. Took an easy test in Science, got a
+21. After school, found out somebody broke into our house while I was
at school. They broke the latch on our back door, took one of the
puppies, and broke all the eggs and cartons of milk that were sitting
on our porch. Fortunately we got the puppy (Lawnmower) back, but Dad
still had to call the police.
Christy invited me to spend the night,
but I didn't feel like it. Instead, I went down to Karen's from about
7:00 until 9:00. Kniffen, Clarence's brothers and Jerry Turner were all
there, standing out on Karen's front lawn, and we just talked. Not much
was said about Clarence.
invited me to his "birthday party" next week. Ha, I can just
imagine what THAT would be like. No way, man.
June 2, 1973
very boring Saturday
afternoon. Got up late, did a super-good job of cleaning the kitchen,
got the mail (no letter from Clarence!! ... only a
from the church, very big deal), sat around and watched "Rockin' the
Palace" with the Osmond Brothers. I'll probably go to the Christian
music concert tonight downtown, even tho my heart isn't in it.
used to be a such a sweet sweet thing
Till they got a hold of me
I opened doors for little old ladies
I helped the blind to see
I've got no friends 'cause they read the papers
They can't be seen with me
And I'm feelin real shot-down and I'm gettin mean ...
~ Alice Cooper, "No More Mr. Nice Guy"
I've got no friends 'cause they read the papers
to the concert -
it was pretty cool. Especially afterwards when I talked to these two
older guys, one a counselor from Hope Outreach who prayed with me about
Clarence ("I can tell by looking in your eyes that
something's wrong"). The other guy was this Evangelist who
was passing out tracts - we talked for a while, he spoke in tongues.
even write straight! I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I can't
believe it. I can't believe it ...
June 3, 1973
CLARENCE IS HOME!!!!
never been so
happy in my entire life. I just PRAISE THE LORD so much for answering
my prayers - He really does answer!! ... no way, man, am I ever going
to doubt Him again! Not after this! Thank you, Lord Jesus, for hearing
my prayer and answering it, by bringing Clarence home!!!!!
came back today
- he got tired of living with Carl up in Canada, he
and of sleeping in a wet sleeping bag and eating canned beans and
cookies every day for breakfast, lunch and dinner. So when Carl wasn't
looking he grabbed 21 bucks, ran all the way to the bus station and
CAME HOME. He said that he "couldn't stand one more day being away from
5:00 this afternoon
I was sitting in my freshly-cleaned room, eating my dull dull dinner of
macaroni & cheese, lettuce, a hard roll and a bottle of root
when Dad knocked on my bedroom door. "Terri, you've got
company!," he said. So I came out to the front door and there
Jim Abel, sitting on his bike.
would ya come out here for a minute, I want to talk to ya?" Jim said.
I looked like a slob --
T-shirt, barefoot, no makeup -- but I went outside
We were walking along the road, talking, when all of a sudden Clarence
leaped out of nowhere, shouting "GERONIMO!!" I was so shocked
I couldn't stand it!!
came to church with
me tonight, some movie about something, but who was paying
attention?! I got home too late - quarter to 10 - and now
pissed at me, but I absolutely refuse to let it wreck my evening.
June 4, 1973
was a terrific
day! When Clarence and me would go walking down the hall, hand in hand,
the looks on peoples' faces was something to cherish. "Clarence,
you're BACK!" "What HAPPENED!?"
etc. He's changed so much since he's come back -- I
believe it. He's so much sweeter ... talks to me more, puts his arm
around me all the time, etc. etc. He swears an awful lot,
tho ... but thank the Lord, at
least Carl isn't
and Sam like
each other now, by the way. Sam is one of Clarence's friends from
Wilson Creek, who's staying with Clarence's
family for a few
days. We met him today when he came to school with Clarence. He had his
arm around Karen on the way home from school. Personally I think he's
just using her - he needs a girlfriend while he's here - but it sure
has made Karen happy.
and Sam are
playing basketball at the school right now, but they're supposed to
come over tonight after dinner. I hope they do!
Home Ec smock
3 Washington History reports Science notebook
Dr. Winters' certificates
tonight, for running away from home, and I guess he's in juvy. Poor
Karen - she doesn't know about it yet. Boy, she really has a
of luck with the guys. Tim O'B. and Clarence came over, then we 3 went
to Boulevard and I watched them shooting baskets. Tim was being a real
creep, as usual. When he left, Clarence and me had a really long,
super-good talk about anything and everything. It was really cool. Then
he walked me home, and I went to bed early! (9:30)
The honeymoon is over already.
June 5, 1973
4 days of school left!
was an OK day,
but not as good as yesterday. I think I can feel a bad mood coming on
.. ick. Clarence was quiet, more like his old self.
the novelty of his being home has worn off. Darn - I liked
way he was acting on Sunday night ... like he'd never let go of me,
never stop kissing me, and all that mushy stuff. It was kinda nice. But
at least he had his arm around me when we walked home together ...
other than that he didn't touch me at all! Hmmm. Maybe I'll
more peppy tomorrow.
our Science final exam - yuck-o. I guessed on most of (the questions).
We had a fire drill during 5th hour, what a thrill.
went to Lisa's
high school graduation tonight. I did all of Dr. Winters'
certificates for him and did a Chinese report. But we have to give our
reports on Neighbors in Need tomorrow, and I am totally, COMPLETELY
unprepared. Help! But I don't want to skip out, 'cause that's just time
away from Clarence.
Karen & Sam
John & Christy
June 6, 1973
3 days of school left!
was a pretty good
day! Clarence got me into a good mood right off the bat by holding my
hand on the way to 1st hour. We had a guest speaker, Joe Witte, a
newsman on KING news. In Spanish, Christy, Elrod, Pam and me
our skit, "The Song of the Witches," and we all got a C (we were
terrible). During lunch, Kar and me got into another food fight, she
got cranberry sauce all over my jeans. In History, I didn't do my
report. Shame. Science, found out I got a B on the final
Home Ec, we had our playschool day. It was boring, so Amy and me just
sat around eating cookies and drinking Kool Aid and talking. Karen and
Clarence and me walked home in the pouring down rain, he had his arm
around me. How sweet.
really fun. Clarence came, and I actually persuaded him to come into
the meeting! We sat in one row like this:
X X X X X
John Phil me
Listened to (the minister's son) Bob
Wheatley sing a song, then he divided us up into groups. We had to
count off by threes ... we thought, "How dumb," so K., C. and me
skipped out. It was fun. Thea, Laurie, Clarence, Karen and me stood
around on the balconey and talked for a while, mainly about John and
school and stuff. Laurie and John have broken up! ... glee, glee. She
doesn't like him anymore 'cause he's "too slow." I KNEW it
wouldn't last!! Laurie is SO NICE - I don't see how I
ever hated her. She's really sweet.
was really friendly - we were holding hands and all that good stuff. He
walked me home, kissed me goodnight.
Over Beethoven" - The Electric Light Orchestra
"Frankenstein" - Edgar Winters"
"Kodachrome" - Paul Simon
June 7, 1973
know I wanted to be a spaceman
That's what I wanted to be
But now that I am a spaceman
Nobody cares about me ...
finally bought the
album that I've been wanting for two months, "Son of Schmilsson" by
Nilsson. After school Dad, Dick and me went to ValuMart, and then to
Pay N Save. I found my album there, and it cost 5 bucks!! My whole
allowance, down the tube! Except for that Canadian one dollar bill
Clarence brought me, that says "To Terri Love Always Clarence." But I'm
never gonna spend that!!
was a neat-o
day. All the 9th graders got really dressed up - the girls in long
dresses, the guys in suits. Everybody looked cool. We had our 9th grade
party from 1:30 until about 4:00, it was OK. We got our annuals, and I
had a few people sign it, but I'm planning on getting most of my
signatures tomorrow. Clarence and me just sat at one table together, he
was really "friendly." He walked me home, we held hands. Oh how sweet.
June 8th, 1973
Last day of school!
is what Clarence wrote in my annual:
- Well, I don't
know what to say, I'll be with you this summer. And I hope we stay
together for a long-long time, and that, oh hell I don't know what to
- Love always,
don't believe it ...
school is actually over!!! It went by so fast, and here it is
summer again. It's hard to believe, 'cause it doesn't feel
summer again. I have a feeling that this summer isn't going to be as
good as last summer. Oh well ... anything to get out of school.
grades are gonna be rotten.
unconventional dinner of a tomato & bacon sandwich and a bottle
7-Up, Karen came over just to talk and stuff. She'd only been here for
about 10 or 15 minutes when Clarence and Kniffen came over. They were
in Mark's car and they wanted to take us for a ride, so we went. We
went roaring around the Normandy Park area, around these really wild
curves. Karen had to go home at 8:00, but I decided to go for more of a
ride. So Clarence and me sat up front with Kniffen, and we drove down
around the slaughterhouse and around Allentown. We almost got into a
wreck!! Mark went around one corner a little too fast and
car was coming. Just then the car died!! So Clarence and
Kniffen had to get out and push the car to get it started
We went back to Karen's - after Kniffen got a glass of water
left, Clarence, Karen and me stood around in her front yard. She kept
trying to get a picture of him & me hugging. No way!! Then
and me went over to Cyndi's, sat around listening to Black Sabbath
records. That was fun, but I had to be home at 9:30.
June 9, 1973
man, what a day!
(What a night!!) Went with Karen today to see "Class of '44" at the
Southcenter Theater. Man, Gary Grimes is cute! Especially
smiles. The movie was good, but the co-feature, "Rage" (with George C.
Scott) was kind of dragging so we went over to Southcenter and wandered
around a little bit. It wasn't any fun without any money, though
- although it WAS fun goofing around on the Bon
home around 6:00. Karen
called to say she couldn't spend the night because she had to babysit,
as always, so I went ahead and had my dinner, a raw hamburger and a can
about 7:00. I told him to come on over since my Dad was going out
(Bob's having his kegger tonight). Clarence came around 8:30, stayed
till midnight. After Dad left and Dick went to bed, we had the whole
place to ourselves. The TV was on, but who was watching? We
laying on the couch, and he was getting so turned on - I swear, I'm not
kidding - he was actually shaking. He was pressed against me as close
as you can get (right on top of me). He had to leave at 10 to 12 ...
is now 12:30 - Dad isn't home yet. I'm gonna go to bed!
Written in my special *secret
thginot rdolc yllufwa emac eW. ytinigriv ym gnisol pu dne I
,lliw ylbaborp I hcihw ,remmus lla ecneralC htiw yats I fi ,desirprus
eb t'ndluow I.
June 10, 1973
go to church
this morning. Dad, Dick and me went over to Grandma and Grandpa Vert's
house for most of the day, having a sort of "family reunion." Gim, the
family matriarch, was there, herding everybody around as usual. Also
there: Aunt Bonnie and Elizabeth (Elizabeth is getting SO BIG now!!),
(my cousin) Linda and her two kids, Dawna and Sean, and (my other
cousin) Gillie and her husband Bruce with Tawnya. Dawna Jeanne is
really cute. She was wearing a little pink dress, with her hair up in a
little ponytail. Sean Allen is an absolute darling - he was asleep the
whole time, up in my old bedroom, but I snuck upstairs with Linda and
took a peak at him (he was born April 2). He's a little angel.
The family get-together
L-to-R: My cousin Elizabeth Ann Criss; brother Dick, age 14; cousin Linda, holding her daughter Dawna;
Grandpa Vert; Great-Grandma Irene Elliott ("Gim"); Grandma Vert; me; Aunt Bonnie
gave Puff away to Gillie & Bruce. Good!!! That means only 2
more puppies to go.
tonight was OK
- a Billy Graham movie about Judgement. Clarence came with me, but he
was unusually subdued and quiet. After church while we were walking
home, he didn't do a THING - didn't even put his arm around me!!! We
came to my house, but I didn't feel like going in yet, so we walked. He
had his arm around me then. We walked down to the park and up Des
Moines Way, and then he kissed me goodbye.
June 11, 1973
of this day:
BORING. Laying around in this deserted house, listening to the radio,
wishing Clarence would come over. Karen was over earlier - we ate
bologna sandwiches and salad, then we called up Brian
she had to go home early. So here I sit. Last night when I was
saying goodnight to Clarence, I told him to drop over today and he said
OK, he would. But so far, no show.
Sr. High is going
to Lincoln Park tonight for Teen Scene. I'm not sure if I want to go
yet ... depends on if I can convince Clarence to go (if I SEE him, that
is so boring, just sitting around, I can't believe it. I hope the whole
summer isn't like this!!!!!
Thrilling Phone Calls I Received
Grandma Vert - Asked me if I wanted any watermelon
Bob Hanna - Called to tell me all about Teen Scene.
am now in a lousy mood.
evening that started out horrible wasn't a total loss, thanks to good
didn't really want
to go to Lincoln Park with the church tonight -- I
to be with Clarence, but he'd already called to say he couldn't go (he
was semi-drunk - had just finished emptying Bob's keg). But I
went to the church anyway, even got on the bus ... and at the last
minute, I decided not to go. So I got off the bus just as we were
leaving, and started walking around in hopes of catching a glimpse of
Clarence. No such luck. I walked clear over to Grandma's to pick up
Karen's yellow windbreaker. Everybody there was in a panic -
is really sick, and the car is broken down, and they needed to get to
the store to buy some Pepto Bismol. Well, you know me, Joe Girl Scout,
I offered to walk over to Albertsons to get the medicine for
Took me 20 minutes, Grandpa gave me 96 cents for doing it. I hope Gim
that I decided
to go home, so I came home thru Boulevard Park school's
playground. Alva and all his little friends (little Sagmo, Early
were there, and they started swearing at me, calling me a "slut" and
all that. I was SO MAD, I went home and told Dad. He got in the car and
went over there, started giving 'em hell.
had just resigned
myself to a quiet, boring evening, when Clarence called at 8:30. He
invited me to come over and play pool with him, Bob & Kniffen.
got Dad's OK and went over to his house. It was pretty fun. Most of the
time Clarence and me sat on Steve's bed, watching Kniffen beat Bob in
pool. Mark is really good! And
Bob was cracking
me up. He's so funny (and cute, too)! Clarence was
like his old self, "buying lots of lunch"!!! Which is good.
kissed me 3 times, right there in front of Mark and Bob. Thank goodness
they didn't say anything about it. After they were done playing pool,
Clarence took me into his bedroom - we just sat there on his bed,
talking to his littlest brother Joe, listening to the radio and ?
one of the cabinets in his room, in green paint, I saw written "TERRI"
and a heart with an arrow through it. How sweet!
almost got canned
for coming in late - 4 minutes late, big deal - but I managed to escape
punishment. Clarence is gonna call tomorrow.
June 12, 1973
the hell is the matter with (Dad)??? ("Your lack of concern
will be remembered payday.") What
could I have done with his damned green stamps? I didn't have any idea
where they were -- did he expect me to just toss
everything I'm doing and run out there and worry? I could really care
less. (My period) is making me very cranky and
irritable. Here I am, working on a "Fun Book" for him for
Day ... now I think I'll just bag the
He's not worth it ...
day, ha ha.
Got up at 11 - Karen and me rode our bikes over to the school (Sunset)
to pick up my check from Dr. Winters for doing the calligraphy on the
certificates. He paid me EIGHT BUCKS!! I was expecting about 3 ... then
we just sat around. Had a pretty nice lunch of warmed-over meatballs
w/mashed potatoes and gravy. Watched the Galloping Gourmet chop the
guts out of a fish - INSTANT LOSS OF APPETITE. Clarence called but he
had practically nothing to say. His phone calls always frustrate me.
I'm debating -
should I wash my hair? It's dirty, but washing it with Bright Side
Shampoo is like washing it in plain water. Does ZILCH to get my hair
I see Clarence -
probably won't tho. Clarence just called again, during Star Trek. Again
it was a frustrating conversation. I asked him if I should come over,
and all he'd say was "If you want to." Nothing
about whether he
wanted me to or not. Hmmm ... good? bad? I'm just sorta sittin around
now, deciding whether I should or not ... it's kind of a pride thing.
If he doesn't want me ...
went, all right, and
I shouldn't have even bothered. He must have been in a rotten mood or
something, 'cause while I stood around in their basement and watched
Bob play pool, Clarence was in his bedroom listening to his radio!! For
about 1/2 an hour!! I was so hurt and lonely I almost started crying.
Finally he came out after Bob yelled at him. ("Get out here and take care of
He acted like nothing had happened - he kissed me twice,
like his old self. I guess I forgave him, tho I shouldn't have. He
walked me to the door and WAVED goodbye. Hoo boy.
"Catherine of Aragon."
June 13, 1973
day was SO BORING ... absolutely zero happened. Geez, I hope the whole
summer isn't like this!! I
spilled a bottle of ink in my room all over
Tom Horton and Sue Wieker, youth leaders at church, came to
visit ... we just talked, prayed for
am I gonna do
tonight? I wish Clarence would call me! Even tho I'm not even
sure I should be talking to him yet, after the crummy way he treated me
really fun. Both Clarence and me went to the Seattle Center with the
church, and it was a blast! Most of the time we just walked around
together, talking and kidding around, or we sat by the huge musical
fountain until dark ... how romantic. He
home, of course.
June 14, 1973
I stayed home by
myself, and at about 1:00 Clarence came over to keep me company. We
just sat on the couch together watching "Marilyn" (a documentary on the
life of Marilyn Monroe). Dick bought "Roll Over, Beethoven," which is
currently my favorite song, so I've managed to confiscate it.
I went roller
skating with the Sr. Hi -- most of the time I hung
with Phil. Clarence couldn't go, but it was fun anyway. I had this
terrible craving for ice cold root beer, so I borrowed money from
everybody and bought 5 glasses!!
I went over and
spent most of the day with Grandma and Gim. I used the sewing
machine to finish up on my smock -- it's all done
except Grandma's going to put in the button holes and the buttons. I
played the piano, did laundry, all that stuff. When I got home, I cut
my hair about 2 inches. I sorta wish I hadn't. I bought some new
Alberto Balsam shampoo and some Tame Balsa & Body Creme Rinse.
Grandma had me pose in the backyard, wearing the Home Ec smock she
helped me sew.
(That's my dog, "Nellie Belle.")
tonight I went to
the all-night party at church. It was real fun 'cause Clarence went
too and he was in a very affectionate mood. First, at 10:00 at
night, we loaded up the bus, went to Tacoma and played putt-putt golf
for about an hour. Clarence and me just stood there and watched, he had
his arms around me to keep me warm. It was so cold, tho, that we
finally went and sat in the bus with Cyndi, waiting for everyone to get
done. He kept kissing me then. Then we went and stood around on
Tacoma's Skid Row, singing "Jingle Bells" to all the drunks and
watching Wayne Dyrness walk his invisible dog. It was so funny! And on
the way back to the church we kept having Chinese Fire Drills
that's where every time we came to a red light, everybody had
pile out, run around the bus and get back to their seats before the
light changed. I was having cramps and didn't exactly feel like being
jostled around, so I just sat there and watched. When we got back to
the church, we went up in the Sr. Hi room and watched some movies.
Clarence and me sat on a couch in the very back, I slept on his
shoulder. The movies were the Three Stooges, Laurel & Hardy and
others. After the movies, we listened to Tom talk and read from the
Bible. By this time it was about 4 in the morning, and I was so zonked
out I could barely stagger to my feet long enough to once again load
the bus. We drove around for about an hour, until it started to get
light outside. We were looking for an all-night bowling alley but none
were open, so we went to Liberty Park, but nobody felt like going out
in the rain to play football. So back to the church. I didn't tell Dad
I was going to the party -- I told him I
the night at Karen's -- so I couldn't really come
into the house at six in the morning. So Clarence and me went
to Boulevard Park School for about an hour. It was pouring down rain,
so we stood on the wide porchway to the office, where it was nice
dry. We talked about a lot of things - what it was like for him in
Wisconsin, etc. And he was talking about us getting married - how we
have to wait 3 years until we're both 18, we're gonna have an apartment
rather than a house, etc. Oh, I remember how we got on that subject!!
He was trying to pick me up, like a man carrying his bride over the
threshold, and he said "Oops, can't do that 'till we get married."
I figured it was
safe, about 7:00 a.m., he walked me home and I slipped in thru the
front door - thank you, Lord, for leaving it unlocked! - and crawled
into bed. Slept until 12 or so.
- Dad is in a terrific mood, who knows why? Maybe because he has the
day off. And so far, I'm not too tired.
says I'm starting to get heavy. :(
Lord gave me a song today - He calls it "One More Chance." The words
are on the next page.
came over tonight - typical Saturday night. "Goodbye Mr. Chips," Peter
O'Toole and Petula Clark.
God, I never tried to reach You
Never tried to love You Never tried to understand Your ways
Never gave a thought to dying
My mind was fused on living
And thoughts of death seemed strange and far away
Now, God, I'm trapped inside this nightmare
I'm lost without Your Spirit
I didn't even miss You till You were gone
Lord God ... give me one more chance.
Death is a lonely kind of feeling
The emptiness surrounds you
The light of God no longer lights the way
A prisoner without a hope of Ever seeing light again
And knowing God has left me Here in bondage I must stay
If only I'd have listened
Believed in His command and Believed in His story
I'd be free again Lord God ... give me one more chance.
They told me of Your glory
Of all Your power & wisdom
And all I had to do was ask you to live in me
They said You sent Your only son
Here to die for me and You loved me:
like a child I could be born again
I didn't listen
I wanted to run my own life
And now it's too late I'm
Lord God ... give me one more chance.
(Geez, what a happy little ditty!)
June 17, 1973
didn't go to church
this morning - slept in late, and it sure felt good.
Dad, Dick and I
went over to Grandma and Grandpa's to take Grandpa a Father's Day
present (a steak), but he was working so we had to stay and "visit" for
about 1/2 an hour. Greg and Chellaigne were there, eating lunch. They
spent the night there last night because Uncle Paul and Aunt
Elva were out of town. Boy, talk about
Greg's older than me -- he's 16 -- and Chellaigne
but they still have to have a babysitter because their parents
won't leave them alone overnight.
did a super thorough job of housecleaning. Grandma finished my smock!
Then I washed my hair, just sat around drying it, listening
records, etc. Ate a chicken pie and a package of Twinkies for dinner.
about 6:30 I went
over to Karen's, we got a ride from Darrell Wilson over to church. It was a
Body Life service in the parlor, and it was pretty neat, except
practically none of my friends were there - they were all on the Jr. Hi
retreat to Lilly Dell Dunes. Clarence wasn't there either, so I sat by
Karen and her latest boyfriend, Larry Quantz. They started liking each other
at the all-night party, and he's really sweet. Mark McClamrock,
Cox and Dale sang for us, they were pretty good. After church I went
outside in the pouring down rain, Clarence was standing out there on
the balconey! So we walked over to my house, and since
was Dad's day off, he stayed until 12:30. Clarence and me just sat on
the couch together, watching TV ("Soul Train") and stuff. We talked a
lot, too - about when he started liking me, and where we'd be if we
weren't together, and all that. He told me that the first time he ever
noticed me was that time he accidentally grabbed me when we were at our
lockers, and I looked at him and smiled! I don't
that at all!
night he was just about to kiss me, but I kept turning away
laughing, just to tease him. Then I said, "Not unless you tell me you
love me." Where I got the courage to say that, I'll never know. He
looked at me and said, "You say it."
- Me: "What?"
Him: "You say it!"
Me: "I love you."
Him: "I love you too." And then I let him kiss me.
few minutes later,
when Dick was gone and we were alone, I looked at him and said, "I
really do love you." He said, "I love you too, probably more than
you'll ever know." He told me that while he was in Canada, he thought
about me constantly. Hmmm ... and here I was, thinking about him
constantly, but thinking that he probably was too busy with "other
girls" to give me a second thought! He left at 12:30. Hope he didn't
get in trouble!
Two virgins. (For now.)
June 18, 1973
realize something awful ... Karen and me are starting to fall away from
each other a little bit. I don't spend nearly as much time with her as
I used to - all my free time these days is spent with
She doesn't call me as much anymore, either.
was a quiet day,
nobody came over tho both Karen and Clarence called. Clarence spent the
day with Elrod, playing football & baseball; Karen was with
Tonight she's going to go see "The Poseidon Adventure." I'm just
spending a quiet evening at home, listening to records and enjoying my
nice CLEAN bedroom. Shock - I actually cleaned it up!
is gonna come over tomorrow. Yay!
- seriously - I
pray that Karen and me don't grow apart. In spite of everything, she's
still my best friend. I'm not jealous that she went over to Cheri Elmer's
today, or that she went to Farrell's last night with a bunch of kids
from church - or even that she seems to be developing a new set of
friends. I'm happy for her ... I just hope that we stay good friends,
and that other friends and other interests don't draw us apart.
June 19, 1973
Am I starting to
spend too much time with Clarence? It's starting to seem that way. He
came over today, spent the whole day, called me twice after dinner, and
then I saw him tonight. It's not healthy!
He came over at about 12:30 -
nobody home but just him and me again, so we had the whole house to
ourselves. We watched a neat-o terrific movie on Channel 13, "The House
of the Seven Gables" with (sigh) Vincent Price. (??????) While
we were watching it, Karen and Larry dropped over - they stayed for
about 1-1/2 hrs. For a while, Karen and Larry were in my bedroom,
laying on my bed!!! It was pretty fun.
Clarence left at about 5:00 -
Dad came home late. We had chicken and potato salad for dinner, and
lemon pudding cake for dessert.
called up and asked me to spend the night, so I packed all my stuff and
got ready to leave. Just then Clarence called and asked if I could come
over. What could I do?? I went and dropped my stuff off at Karen's and
told her I had to go stay with Grandma for an hour or so (I'm sorry
Karen if you read this - I didn't mean to lie and deceive you, and I
didn't want to ... but I didn't think you'd understand.)
was there at Clarence's house, so I watched him and
play pool for a while. After Roger had to leave, Clarence and me went
into his room to talk, listen to the radio, etc. He changed his
furniture around AGAIN! That's 3 times now! He had all the lights off,
and we were just lying there on his bed ...
weren't doing anything bad. But I was starting to feel uneasy about the
whole thing. What if his mom came walking in or something? So I decided
to leave. Clarence walked me over to Karen's.
was fun at Karen's - we stayed up until one in the morning, eating
cherries and watching the "American Bandstand" special.
June 20, 1973
morning I woke up
at 10:00, so I decided to leave Karen's right away, in case Clarence
had gone over to my house early or something. Just as I was walking
home, I ran into Clarence and John Sharick. They had just gone up to
house, woke Dick up trying to find me. They came over, but John had to
leave at 11. Clarence stayed all day - we just hung around in my room,
watching TV and stuff.
about 1:00 things
started happening faster than I could keep up with. It started out to
be just Clarence and me. Then Karen dropped over. Then Roger Turner came
over. Then Lucky & Dago (Pat & Sharon O'Brien, CB radio
Dad's) drove over and asked me to babysit their 3 kids. Then Dick came
home. Then the guy who took one of the puppies called to say
couldn't keep him, and that he was going to drop him off in a few
minutes. All within the short space of 15 minutes!
So I had to babysit
Cissy, 5 - Danny, 6 - and Kathy, 3. They went into my room and got into
everything. Gradually, all my
company left. I
babysat again tonight at the O'B.'s until 11:30. It was OK but boring.
After I finally got the kids in bed, I listened to the stereo,
talked to Clarence on the phone and all that. He came by after church
for about an hour, from 8:00 to 9:00, but after he went home his mom
wouldn't let him come back over. I wonder what his mother has against
me? Mothers never liked me.
Should you wander this land to the North
(And few seldom do)
Should you follow the song of the gull
To enchanted western isles
Coax a fisherman to take you out
Where the silky seals are seen
Hear the stories that they tell about
The maiden who is their queen
The maiden who is their queen
Celia of the seals
She knows just how they feel
Celia of the seals.
Seal hunters are not brave and bold
They murder her poor weak seals
And cut off their skins to be sold
Cursed be he who deals
There's no reason for this slaughtery
They're left on the rocks to bleed
He's not a man who does this thing
It's a cruel and heartless deed
A cruel and heartless deed
Celia of the seals
She knows just how they feel Celia of the seals
June 21, 1973
of a bummer of a
day, but a pretty good evening. The Sr. High's at church left today for
their retreat to Lilly Dell Dunes, so Karen is gone until Sunday. I
really wanted to go but I couldn't afford it ($12). So things were very
quiet around here. Clarence didn't even call! (until later). I just sat
around, cleaned my room, watched Lewis Retrum on Password, and listened
to "Celia of the Seals" about 40 million times.
Late in the afternoon,
Dad's friend Lucky called, wanting me to babysit, so I said
OK. Then Clarence and Roger came over for a while, the two of them just
goofed around on my phone. ("Hello, Mr. Apple? Is Mr. Orange
there? Sorry, wrong fruit!") while
I washed the dishes and finished dashing off letters to Mark, George
and Nancy. I sent Mark a picture of me. I'm expecting a letter from Dee
Dee any day now. After C & R left, Dad came home, we had a
terrific dinner of tacos and tropical fruit salad. I went to the store
and got some QT, some lemon scented fingernail polish remover, and some
Vaseline. Then I got ready to go babysit, and Dad drove me over. I
watched "The Waltons" with Cissy, Cathy & Danny, then put them
bed early. Right after Dago (their mom) left, Clarence called, wanting
to know if it was OK to come over. He came at about 9:15 and stayed for
2 hours. We just layed there on the couch, watching "The Wild Dogs of
Africa" and listening to records. He told me he loved me about 3 times
... that's neat, because before he was so afraid to say it.
thing I'm not so
especially proud of is the fact that I let him completely feel me
up. I'm not kidding. At first, when we first started making
and stuff, two months ago, all he'd do was fiddle around with my bra
strap in the back. And at the time, that was a BIG MOVE! But now he's
completely "un-shy" ... at least he's subtle, tho. I mean, he isn't all
grabby and everything. He does it so gently, I can't even resist. I
KNOW it's wrong, but I don't even feel wrong about it. Or guilty. Or
anything. He says he loves me, and during those times when he gets
really super-super turned on, when he starts trembling and breathing
unevenly, and holds me so close I feel like I'm being pressed into
him, I feel like if he said "Terri, let me make
love to you,"
I'd just give in and let him. I have no strength of will! I
somewhere that a relationship changes once a couple has made love,
sometimes not for the better. But I know that that fact, and even my
own religious beliefs, wouldn't stop me once I gave in ... it'd be too
late. But I should realize: feelings change, and sooner or later
Clarence and me are bound to break up. And then what would I do, if I'd
let Clarence make love to me? How could I ever face him again? And how
could I be sure he wasn't "bragging of his conquest" to all his
buddies, and I hadn't earned myself one heck of a bad reputation?
think about this.
June 22, 1973
asked me to go with him today!! (in a roundabout way)
up late this
morning, around 11:30. First thing I did was to don a pair of cut-offs
and go lay outside, drinking 7-up, listening to the radio and reading
the Bible - resplendent in my new, uneven tan (thanks to QT - got it
all over my hands, and now my fingers are half brown, half white.
before I forget:
my dream last night was the one where me, Dan Kent and Phil Rehberg were in
this weird experiment. We were inside a house, and outside a
construction crew was dropping million-ton bombs into the front yard to
create an earthquake and study its effects on the house. I was so
scared! We listened to the monitor, and Control said "6
seconds to the bombing ... they have now released the bomb."
Seconds later the bomb hit, the earthquake ensued, and the house
started collapsing. I shouted "GO!" and we escaped out the back door
just as the house crashed to the ground.
came over, so
I didn't get to finish any of my work until late. When I finally got
around to washing the dishes, I sliced my thumb up royal on a knife.
Ouch! We sat outside and played in the grass with Lawnmower, our new
is gonna buy a ring for me! Glee, glee.
chops, mashed potatoes with gravy) I just sat around, waiting for
Clarence to call or come over or something.
June 23, 1973
feel like an A
Number One First Class Creep. I was supposed to babysit tonight for
Lucky and Dago - again - and I didn't really want to, 'cause I wanted
to be with Clarence (Saturday night and all, you know). So I turned him
down, Dick went over and babysat for them instead.
But it was
worth it. Clarence came over at about 7:45 and stayed until midnight.
What fun! We watched TV, including the first hour of one of my all-time
favorite movies, "Gemini II" (I'm watching the rest right now).
are now officially going together!!! Glee, glee.
"Are we going together now?"
... that is, if you want me."
Him: "If you
want to go with me?"
right at him and nodded slowly)
I'll get you a ring, just as soon as I can afford it. Your birthstone,
it's December, isn't it?"
once again, we
came right onto the brink of going all the way ... we had the whole
house to ourselves, lying on the couch ... Clarence
getting very turned on. He was pressing
closer and closer, and we were losing each other in very long,
involved kisses. I have a feeling that he would've gone
-- he was right on the verge -- when he
up, said it was time to go, and hastily kissed me goodbye. I guess he
was trying to protect me, and I appreciate it. I keep thinking, "What
would it hurt?", and I want
to give in. I want him to make love to me ... there is something
burning inside me, a longing, a hurting desire. It's weird.
by the way - spent the day babysitting at Lucky & Dago's -
THRILLS and CHILLS.
some baby pics of Clarence. His baby nickname was "Curly"
LOVE CLARENCE FOREVER
June 24, 1973
at the last
minute I decided to go to church ... I wore the dress that Mom gave me
for Christmas, the one with the low neckline. No one was there except
for Jerry, so him and me sat together. When I came home I took a
shower, then sat around in the living room reading the funnies. It was
pouring down rain outside, so the house was very cozy. Clarence called
- I listened to him fiddle around with his radio, yell at his brothers
and unscrew the phone for half an hour - then I told him I was gonna go
outside and walk in the rain, and if he wanted to come with me he
could. He came over a few minutes later. We walked to Albertsons,
looked at all the kiddy coloring books ... ran into Pam ... then we
walked over to Boulevard Park school, where I looked through the window
into my 1st grade classroom. We came back to my house, sat in the
living room watching TV and reading the paper. When Dad and Dick went
to Pay 'n Save, we had the house to ourselves for a while.
tonight: Hamburger steak w/onions, mashed potatoes and gravy, spinach.
Dessert: Twinkies, ice cream bar, one cream puff
came over 'cause his brother was having a pot party and he didn't want
to get mixed up in it. Dad went to bed early, so we sat on the couch
and talked about a lot of things ...
up at 2:30 in the
morning, and I could hear this really, REALLY beautiful music coming
from Dick's room. I figured that he'd probably gone to sleep in front
of his TV - but the music was so strangely haunting that I had to go
see what it was. Sure enough, Dick was asleep in front of the tube ...
and the music turned out to be a 15 minute program on Channel 4 called
"Note on Faith." All it was was beautiful movies of the ocean, and this
gorgeous music all over everything. It touched me so much. (Called the
TV station the next day -- a nice lady
looked it up
for me and said it was Mantovani, "Songs of Praise")
June 25, 1973
up at 6:30 a.m. to
watch the morning edition of "Notes on Faith" and clean my room. Then I
went back to bed and slept for 3 more hours. Clarence came over at
10:30 when I was looking my scroungiest ... hair stringy with oil, dull
and lifeless, no makeup, Dad's old sweatshirt, my ripped up jeans,
barefoot ... YUCK! But he didn't seem to
mom got really mad that he came over, though. All he did this
morning (he says) was get up, eat, take out the garbage and leave. His
mom screamed, "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" He said, "Over to Terri's." She
got really mad, yelled at him to get out "and never come back." His mom
thinks he spends too much time over here, and frankly so do I! Even
Clarence thinks so. I mean, wow ... it's neat that he loves me so much,
but we're together, usually alone, all day and all night. That's not
healthy. Plus it seems like all we do now is make out. There
much left for us to do, except for going all the way, which I don't
want to do. Now that I have weighed the advantages and the
disadvantages, I realize what a HUGE mistake it would be ... I'd be
throwing away my whole life. So there's nothing left. There's no
mystery left. Whatever happened to the good old days, way back in
April, when Clarence & Roger might come over on Friday
nights? Only they'd never ring the doorbell - I'd
eyes out, scanning the roadside for them. Then we'd stand out by the
road for 3 hours, talk, FREEZE, and if I was lucky he'd put his arm
around me. What happened to that?
to come over tomorrow ... he agrees, we see each other too much. So he
said "I think I'll shock the hell out of my old lady and stay home
tomorrow." He's supposed to call me tonight, even though he won't come
over. I wish he would, but I understand. (Tomorrow is Dad's day off so
tonight would be perfect for Clarence to come over - what rotten
came over today,
which for some strange reason put Clarence in a rotten mood. He went
outside and stared into space, leaning against the mailbox. When
Clarence left, I FINALLY got to wash my hair. Relief!
June 26, 1973
was Dad's day off
so I spent a fun four hours doing the laundry. Neat, huh? We went to
the laundromat by Gov Ma'rt Bazaar, so while the clothes were washing
themselves, Dad and me went and looked around Bazaar. I tried to find
Mantovani's "Songs of Praise" in the record dept. but those dufii
(plural of "dufus"!) didn't have it.
We also went to House of Values, where Dad bought me a pair of navy
blue tennies, which I NEEDED DESPERATELY! I looked at bathing suits -
most of them are around ten bucks, way too expensive. Hmm. We ate fish
and chips for lunch at 2:00, so I'm full now.
might come over tonight ... wouldn't that be neat.
had an orthodontist appointment - Dr. Oliver made a plaster impression
of my bottom teeth, which are going crooked again. I'm going back
in one week to get a plastic retainer. Yay! The
Evil Laurie Q. , Stealer of Boyfriends, wore an orthodontic retainer,
and it gave her what (I thought) was a charming lisp. So of
course *I* wanted one, too.
tonight, one bag "Boiling Bag Beef" over bread, THAT'S ALL
dinner, when Dad
and me were sitting in the living room watching "Maude," Clarence came
over. What a neat surprise! Him and me walked to the store for Dad, to
buy him a couple of candy bars. Then we 3 just sat there watching TV
until Dad went to bed. Clarence watched the first half hour of "The Six
Wives of Henry VIII" with me, then he had to leave at 10:00.
gave me this
really neat makeup kit that was undeliverable (he's a mailman) - it has
all kinds of good stuff in it, like eye shadow, skin cleanser, hair
things Clarence said: "For sure I'll see you tomorrow" AND "I really
missed you today."
June 27, 1973
early - 'bout 9:30 - washed my hair and took a shower. My
great-grandmother came over for a while, while she was out for
morning walk. Then Karen came over, we just sat around and talked about
Larry, Clarence, etc. She called up Mark Peterson, just for the heck of it -
she said she was Kim (Houk Gilbert) and asked if he had my address. His
voice is so deep!! He sounds kind of cool. He told her that he just got
a letter from me yesterday. (Yesterday??!)
I'm sitting out in the backyard - brilliant sunshine! - listening to
My great-grandmother ("Gim") took this picture of me during one of her "walks"
Karen left, I
had nothing to do, so I washed up the dishes, listened to records, and
started typing up lists of stuff I'll need for camp. Dad called at
about 3:30 to say he'd be late, and he told me to make him some iced
tea and take the hotdogs out of the freezer to thaw. Just as I was
starting to do that -- trying to chisel
ice-encrusted freezer -- Clarence and Tim came
the living room, tennis rackets in hand. What a surprise! They stayed
for about an hour, we just goofed around. Clarence grabbed me, kissed
me and said "Mmm, I've been waiting all day for that." It was really
fun. Clarence says he'll come back later.
he did, at about 10 minutes to 7. Dad and me were just sitting there in
the living room watching TV with the door open when Clarence knocked
and said "Avon calling!" We watched TV for a while, then we went for a
walk. We went to the park, then to my old house on 18th
gave me a boost and lifted me up so I could see into my old bedroom)
and to Sunset Jr. Hi.
When we got back to my house at 9:30, we watched
"All In The Family" - it was Edith's reunion AGAIN, for the 3rd time
this week!! He left at 10:30.
June 28, 1973
two main dreams last night:
Clarence was going to leave home again, this time for good. I woke up
I went to Firwood,
but this time a bunch of my friends - Clarence, Christy,
Phil, Pam - came with me. One time I was looking out my
and I saw Clarence and Pam walking down the road together,
hands. Again I woke up crying, after having a violent dream-argument
with Christy ("Well, if he likes her, why doesn't he tell me?" "Because
he doesn't want to hurt you." "Does he like her better?" "Yah, he
was a pretty good
day! Got up early, cleaned my room, then worked on more lists for camp.
Then Clarence came over - we just sat around in my room and talked
until about 1:30 when Dago called up, asked if I could babysit her 3
kids. So Clarence and me walked clear over to their house, picked up
the kids and brought them here. They were driving me CRAZY - "I wanta
glassa water," "I wanta go outside," etc. etc. Plus Cathy (age 3) got
into my very best, most expensive eye shadow and wasted about half the
tube, getting it all over everything. ANGER!!
brought over his friend Kenny Durst. Kenny's kinda short and pudgy, but
he's REALLY funny.
went grocery shopping with Dad, and collected my $2.00 babysitting
money from Dago.
1 Bonus Jack Hamburger, a small bag of french fries and a Strawberry
Clarence, Kenny and me went and spent about 90 minutes at Kim S.'s,
just talking and listening to Kenny crack his jokes. After that, when
we were walking home, I was acting like I was bombed. (Who knows why.)
Clarence came home with me, we watched "Kung Fu" and "The Streets of
San Francisco." It was so funny - at 10:30 he had to leave, and he was
just walking out the door when he looked back at me, lying on the
couch, and I gave him this look that said "Please don't go." He looked
at me, then said "Aw, geez," shut the door and came back to me. He
said, "I can never leave you."
and one other
thing he said that was real sweet: "I love you more than anything." And
I told him about my very disturbing dream last night, about him and Pam
liking each other, and how hurt and upset I was when I woke up. He said
"No WAY!! I don't see anything in her at all!" That's good.
letters from: Mark, Dee Dee, Tom, George, Nancy, Cindy, Sam (but not
days until camp!
weeks ago was the first time Clarence ever kissed me!
weeks ago Clarence left for Canada!
has been home for 26 days = 3 weeks + 4 days
June 29, 1973
I just called
Clarence - it's about 7:00, and I wondered if maybe he could come over.
Boy, talk about rotten timing! Here is the conversation:
answers: "Hello?" Clarence's
dad also answered on the upstairs phone, he stayed on the line the
is Clarence there?"
a minute. Clarence, it's for you, it's Terri."
few seconds later) "Hello!"
Me: "Are you
in a bad mood?"
"No, I just broke the light switch - I went to turn it off and it
dad (from the upstairs
phone): "Clarence, you better get off this phone right now. How come
you lied to your mother and told her YOU didn't break it?"
didn't break it until just now!" (Then they argued for a few minutes)
dad: "You better get off this phone before I come down and knock out a
"Well, OK, I'll see ya later."
conversation, huh? I expect he'll probably call back later.
at Grandma Vert's
house tonight - I'm spending tonight, all day tomorrow and tomorrow
night (I was right: Clarence just called back) while Grandpa is in
Oregon, taking Gim home. For my payment she's gonna take me to buy a
new bathing suit for camp. Glee!
cleaned and rearranged the shelves above the stove and refrigerator.
Then Kenny came over, followed soon by Clarence, then Karen. We sat in
my room, where I did a painting for Dad, and we just talked and goofed
around. (It's a good thing I cleaned my room!) At about 4:30 or
something, Clarence and Kenny walked me over to Grandma's. I had to
carry all my stuff over there, so they helped. Had dinner - baked
chicken and baked potato, yum. Clarence called again, and his mom won't
let him come over because "he was out all day." I wonder why (his
parents) hate me so much!!
they came over for about 15 minutes (Clarence & Kenny).
and 120 pounds. Hmm. If I could get myself down to 110 pounds - and
then MAINTAIN - I'd be happy. I seriously hate you.
June 30, 1973
Grandpa isn't going to be back from Gim's until about 9:30 tonight!!
Which means that I'll probably have to stay here at Grandma's tonight again, and I
won't get to see Clarence. And even if I do get home at around 10 or
so, it'll be too late for Clarence to come over. Shoot! There goes my
whole day, right down the drain. It's unfair!! Why can't Grandpa leave
NOW, and get here early??? Why does he have to stay and fix Gim's
fireplace? Saturday nights are mine - I
should be able to go out and do whatever I want!!!! You big
shallow self-centered baby!
poor Grandma - I shouldn't be selfish. She can't be left alone, not
with her weak heart. Aww ... it won't be so bad. OK
... you're somewhat redeemed.
tan is fading! Gasp! But
you're still shallow.
am very bored. It's
1:30, and I just finished polishing off a huge lunch of ham TV dinner,
w/salad and milk. Now I'm just sitting here in the living room,
watching some boring movie about the six-day war. How thrilling. So
far, no word or show from Clarence. I wonder what he's doing today -
probably working. Last night when I told him there was a chance I might
be leaving for 4-5 months, he was practically crying. He doesn't want
me to go! He was on something, I'm not sure what but Kenny said he was,
and he grabbed me, held me as tight as he could and said, "Don't go ...
I don't want you to go."
have no memory of this whatsoever. I think I must have been making up
this supposed "trip," just to toy with Clarence's emotions.
spent the whole day
(at Grandma's) nibbling on raisins, talking on the phone, working on
Dad's painting and playing the piano. After dinner - a turkey TV dinner
- Clarence called. It was such a neat conversation!! 'Cause
TALKED the whole time - no long, empty silences - he sounded like he
was in a really terrific mood! And he said, right out of the blue,
"You're beautiful. I don't know what I'd do without you." Then he said
he was coming over, but Kenny got here first. When Clarence came, Kenny
and me were outside looking at Grandpa's rocks. I let him take one
piece of petrified wood - he wanted more, but I said NO WAY. After he
left, Clarence and me went inside. I introduced him to Grandma, then we
went and sat on the couch with Grandma, watching TV and holding hands. If Grandma was at all put off by
my wild-looking boyfriend, she didn't show it.
Grandpa came home at 9:00 or so, so Clarence and me walked home. Dad
& Lucky went out until about 1:30, so we had the place to
- except for my brother, who never left us alone for one minute! We
watched "Mission Impossible" - Clarence was in the neatest mood! - He
was supposed to be home at 11:00, but thanks to a little persuasion
from me he stayed until quarter to 12. Hope he didn't get in trouble!!
he left, watched
Channel 5 movie, "The Innocents," about a governess finding out the two
children she is caring for are possessed by ghosts. (Miss Giddons,
Flora, Miles.) Then watched last 1/2 hr. of "Last Time I Saw Paris,"
and Note of Faith (until about 3 a.m.)
July 1, 1973
go to church -
slept in till 11:30. Grandpa and Grandma came over early, brought over
my new rocking chair and a bunch of books from Gim. Around
lunchtime I put a chicken pie in the oven to bake for 40 minutes. While
it was cooking, I walked over to the store and "got" a few things - my
weeks' supply of QT, some Swedish Tanning Secret, some baby powder.
Walking home, eating my Baby Ruth ice cream bar, I saw Clarence and
Roger playing basketball at the school. They saw me too, and yelled
something at me, but I couldn't stop - my pot pie might be burning!
About an hour later they came over (I knew they would). We just stood
around on the porch and "stuff." After Roger left, Clarence and me
walked to the store for Dad, bought corn, 7-Up, frozen vegetables, etc.
Delicious dinner tonight - barbecued spareribs, and peas and potatoes
in cream sauce. Yum!
again around 7:00, stayed 2 hours. We sat out in the front yard,
watching me draw, listening to the countdown Billboard Top 40, grass
fights, etc. Then came in the house at 9:00, "watched TV" (ha ha).
By this time, 'watching TV' had
become a euphemism for making out to the brink of consummation.
July 2, 1973
a day ... Got up
at about 7:00 - EARLY - and did a million things - showered, washed my
hair and did my legs - got dressed, ate breakfast, washed the dishes,
cleaned my room. All before 11:00. Then I ironed a couple of shirts for
Dad, finished his Adam & Eve pictures and sewed 2 buttons on
Clarence's Air Force jacket. What energy! Went through the vacant house
next door (for fun) with Dick and Gary. Got a neat-o terrific 6 page
letter from Mark, which I answered immediately. I sat outside in the
front yard sunning, listening to the radio and writing his letter (and
drinking Dick's root beer, tee hee). Clarence called at 2:00 or so,
didn't have much to say except that he was writing me a poem, and he
might be over later. He came over at 2:45, when I was in the living
room watching TV. Right before he left at 5:00, Mark Kniffen came over
in his car (how wonderful). Dad, Dick and me had to take Lawnmower to
the vet to get his shots. While Dad waited in the office for over an
hour, Dick and me were suffering in the stifling heat (in the car). We
stopped at Jack In The Box for hamburgers.
came over at
about 7:00 - we sat out in the front yard as usual, listening to the
radio, watching me eat my dinner, wrestling (?) and drawing. I drew him
a picture of me.
Dad went to bed,
we had at it in the usual manner. Only this time Clarence was getting
more turned on than ever! The usual necking & petting
but more ... He just about died tonight, moaning and breathing heavily
said he's gonna come over tomorrow at 9 a.m. !!!!!!!!!!!
July 3, 1973
Dad makes a token attempt at parenting.
really don't think it's any of his business!!! Geez, he makes me so mad
- telling me to "cool the cuddling."
over early this morning, at about 9:00, when I was still sleeping. We
hung around my room for a couple of hours. Then I got dressed and
washed my hair, and we went out in the backyard and laid in the
sunshine. I got a letter from Nancy Gayle - she's going to
Firwood this year, too. At 1:45 I went shopping with Grandma and
Grandpa. We went to Lamont's - they bought me a new bikini, brown and
white, and 2 pairs of white knee-highs. Then we stopped off at
Sunnydale Food Center, where I bought a jar of strawberries. My
orthodontist appointment was at 3:45. Dr. Oliver gave me my retainer.
Scott Shearer was there. Got home and sunbathed for a while. Chicken pies
about 7:30 I went
over to Clarence's and stayed until quarter to 11. We just sat around
in his room, looking through all his records, talking and stuff. I saw
this written on his door (I wasn't supposed to see it), "Terri
is love, love is Terri."
There was more but I didn't catch it all. I talked to his parents
briefly - his mother actually acted friendly!! (We talked about
braces.) Clarence walked me home, stayed until almost 12:30.
talking to Clarence
right now on the phone - he's in a rotten mood. My sore mouth (from
wearing the new retainer) put me in a very lousy mood. I snapped and
snarled at everybody - luckily it didn't get me in any trouble. In
fact, when Clarence called at about 12:30 (he was at Elrod's party), I
hung up on him!
- Clarence: "Well, I'll see ya later."
DOUBT it." (click)
didn't think he'd call back, but he did later in the afternoon. I
sunbathed for about an hour.
Dad and me had
some beef stew for dinner, strawberry shortcake for dessert. Clarence
came over at about 7:30, stayed late. We watched TV for 2 hours with
Dad. Then when Dad went to bed we were alone together. I kept tickling
Clarence's back - that really, really turns him on, especially when I
ends abruptly ... and intriguingly.)
July 5, 1973
day. Karen came
over for a while, for a change - we just sat around in my room and
talked, catching up on all the latest news. I had to listen to all her
endless stories about Larry and all her church friends and what a great
tan she got and other assorted b.s. trivia. What a thrill.
Watched some movie, "It Grows On Trees" starring Irene Dunne, about a
lady who discovers two money trees in her backyard. Then, when I was
eating my steak and mashed potatoes dinner, Clarence called, wanting me
to come over. I got there about 6:30; Clarence and his little brother
Joe were the only ones home. We sat in the living room listening to
their terrific stereo, talking to Steve and Mike when they came in. His
mom and dad got home around 8:30 -- his Dad just
glared at me, but his mom was real nice. I talked to her about Tasha's
puppies. Then Clarence came over to my house for a couple
-- we watched "Kung Fu."
July 6, 1973
spent the entire day
with Clarence. He came over at 9:30, when I was still asleep in bed. We
sat in my room for a couple of hours and talked and "stuff"
then I got up, got dressed, ate breakfast. We got real
pitched in together and cleaned the living room. (He swept, I dusted
and straightened.) Then late in the afternoon I cleaned up the kitchen,
ate a chicken pie for lunch, watched "The Dating Game" with Clarence,
etc. Clarence left about 4:30 or so. I baked a chocolate pudding cake,
and we had pork chops, creamed peas and fried rice for dinner.
7:00 Clarence and Tim came over. They tried to fake me out by
making me think they had a ring for me, when it was really a watch Tim
bought for his girlfriend. Ha ha. Very funny. We walked to Albertsons,
and I got really super pissed off with them because they were talking
about drugs. Very impressive. I bought a can of
and a balloon. (?) I was gonna buy a new ledger, but they didn't have
what I wanted. Clarence came home with me, we watched "Sanford
Son" and "All In The Family" with Dad. After Dad went
we watched "Room 222," "Love Thy Neighbor" and part of "Love American
Style." Clarence left early: no amount on cajoling
pouting or pleading could make him stay. I was sorta mad, but then I
got to thinking - am I clinging too hard?
I feel like breaking up ... like there's no mystery left. Other times -
like it's gotta last forever. When
will we break up?
July 7, 1973
didn't do hardly
anything today - nobody called, nobody came over. Dick went swimming at
Hick's Lake with the Josephs, so I was stuck at home by myself. I
ironed Dad's shirts, sunbathed, etc. Clarence called late in the
afternoon but didn't have much to say - just something about him
breaking a window with his fist, cutting up his hands and feet. Oh yah,
I almost forgot -- I curled my hair in the morning.
(Thrill?) When Dad got home, I watched TV to pass away the time, then
cooked some Beefaroni for dinner. After dinner, when I was just sitting
in the living room listening to my new Nilsson album, Clarence came
over unannounced. At first he was in a terrible mood - he went outside
in our driveway and just stood there for 45 minutes. Never said a word,
never even came inside. I was upset, but I just stayed in (the house),
watched "To Rome With Love." Finally Christy rode over on her bike and
she got him talking. Then he was in a great mood - after she left, we
made up. (Pam and Will broke up, and Pat and Penny did too.) We watched
TV - he was in such a terrific mood! Him and Dick kept running outside,
throwing rocks at Scott B. and Todd S. I got annoyed with my
brother at one point, started crying. He wouldn't leave us alone!!!
But he did, finally.
July 8, 1973
was a frustrating day. I kept trying to put all the pieces together,
but nothing fit. Not that things went bad,
really - just a little screwy, falling short of my expectations. Didn't
go to church ... went with Dad and Dick over to Top Hat to take back
the lawnmower we rented. We stopped off at Triple X and got hamburgers
and root beer. Then Dick and me put on our cut-offs, went out in the
backyard and washed Dad's car. Cloudy, grey day. Ate a ham TV dinner,
curled my hair, got ready for church. Nobody was there!! (except me
& Clarence) Not ONE of my friends! So I left. Tim stopped
and me as we were walking by his house, we stood around and talked with
him for awhile. Clarence didn't feel very good so he went home. Tim and
me talked for a while longer, he's pretty cool (when he wants to be).
Went home, drank a 7-Up ... then Clarence came over. He was feeling
better by then. We watched "The Taming Of The Shrew" with Eliz Taylor
and Richard Burton. Clarence left at almost midnight.
July 9, 1973
or come over or anything all day ... and here it is almost 7:30!!!
Sob! Maybe he's out of town, or mad at me - I wish
call me! Then at least I'd know what was going on.
day - the usual
dish-washing, changing clothes, sunbathing. Amy Roberts called me today, late
in the afternoon, and we talked for about 45 minutes. We barbecued for
dinner - I had a hamburger, Dad had steak.
year ago RIGHT NOW (this very minute) I was a miserable girl ... I was
at Firwood, lonely and homesick.
Clarence call me tonight? Yes
Did I see him tonight? No
called at about
8:00 - he's been in bed sick all day. I knew it!! I won't get to see
him tonight - SHOOT! But, like he said, "Maybe tomorrow,
of Aragon (Mary) - divorced
Anne Boleyn (Elizabeth) - beheaded
Jane Seymour (Edward) - died in childbirth
Ann of Cleves - divorced
Catherine Howard - beheaded
Catherine Parr - outlived the old fart
July 10, 1973
boring day ...
what a waste this summer has been. I suppose Clarence probably won't
come over tonight, either - I haven't seen him for 2 days!! He called
me twice today: once at about 2:30, just to talk, and once right before
dinner to find out how to spell Norman. (???) He said that he doubted
his parents would let him out tonight -- terrific.
miss him! Please Lord, let him come over tonight!!
I said, boring day.
didn't come over - 48 hours since I've seen him. Not even a call. I
Aggravation!! I just found out that my *!?%#! phone has been off
for the past 3-1/2 hours, maybe even longer. No wonder I didn't get any
call from Clarence ... gee, that makes me MAD!! Well, maybe I'll see
him tomorrow ... I hope so! 'Cause I miss him like crazy ... a couple
days ago I was thinking that maybe I should avoid him for a couple of
days - that we were seeing too much of each other, and a little break
would be helpful. Now it's driving me NUTS!!
July 11, 1973
a day ... after I
got up, washed my hair and watched Judy Garland & Van Johnson
"In the Good Old Summertime," I got 2 phone calls - one from Mom,
saying she'd be over later, and one from Clarence saying he'd
over in 10 MINUTES!!!
owe letters to - Tom, Dee Dee, Mark
letter to Mrs. Anderson at The Firs!!
Tom Horton what verse that was (6/13/73, about the Lord caring)
Pattern No. 5465 Size 12
of Praise," Mantovani;
"Bridge Over Troubled Waters," Simon & Garfunkle
for all Soft letters to camp: July 9 (Monday)
appointments: July 3, 3:45 Aug 9, 4:30
story you have just seen is true. The names have been changed to
protect the innocent.
"Hey, man!" Terri Vert
5/23/73 "I'll drink to that." John Sharick
5/27/93 "I wish I were a tiny sparrow And I had wings, and I could fly.
I'd fly away, to my own true lover." Peter, Paul & Mary
6/3/73 "You pervert!" Clarence G. T.
6/5/73 "Gee you're swell ..." CGT
6/6/73 "Don't give me chives, man."
6/23/73 Clarence's childhood nickname - "Curly"
6/21/73 Clarence's nickname for me: "Luv" ("Hey, luv, what's the
6/27/73 Our pup "Lawnmower" - "Great mower of many lawns!"
6/29/73 "AAAA!" (as in cat) Terri Vert
7/5/73 "Hey." Terri Vert
SONGS DURING THIS JOURNAL:
Bad Leroy Brown" - Jim Croce
"No More Mr. Nice Guy" - Alice Cooper
"Hocus Pocus" - Focus
"12th of Never" - Donny Osmond
"Kodachrome" - Paul Simon
"Roll Over Beethoven" - Electric Light Orchestra
"I'd Rather Be A Cowboy" - John Denver
"Delta Dawn" - Helen Reddy
to throw a rock?