young bike shop technician is horrified.
am NOT putting THIS SEAT on THAT
bike!" he sputters indignantly. In his hands he holds a plump,
overstuffed bike saddle roughly the size of a small Sealy Posturepedic.
Nearby, my fresh-off-the-showroom-floor Trek 7500FX stands propped
against a wall, waiting for this minor bit of cosmetic surgery. From
the young technician's aggrieved tone, you'd think we'd just asked da
Vinci to put a red rubber clown nose on the Mona Lisa.
yes you are," I reply. My tone is pleasant ... but firm.
the sound of my voice, the young technician whirls around in alarm.
Obviously he didn't realize that The Paying Customer was still within
earshot. (Why isn't she off on the other side of the store,
measuring herself for a sports bra or something?) He at least
has the good manners to look embarrassed.
Lady," he says
sheepishly, and he picks up his wrench and gets to work swapping out
the Ultra-Snooty Avocet *Your Comfort Is None Of Our Business!*
2002XXXS for the huge, old-fashioned Butt-D-Luxe I dug out of the
discount bin. While we're at it, we're also going to have him attach
end grips to the handlebars and mount a water bottle cage to the frame.
got to tell you: I'm really liking this 'The
always right' stuff.
the meantime, the calculatedly earnest sales guy who sold us the bike,
moments earlier, sidles up to me and shrugs apologetically. "Kevin
built this bike himself," he says in a low, soothing voice. (Subtext: So
who could blame him for not wanting to deface his masterpiece with this
ridiculous obscenity of a saddle?) "Don't take it
personally," he adds, as much out of concern for his commission, I'm
sure, as for my feelings.
I'm not offended. I understand that *my* idea of the perfect bike
saddle and a nineteen-year-old bike shop technician's idea of the
perfect bike saddle aren't likely to mesh. As a matter of fact, the
earnest young sales guy himself tried to talk me into one of those
skinny little bazillion-dollar bike seats, not twenty minutes
terms of physiogeometry," he said -- showing me a saddle shaped
like a turkey wishbone, only not as roomy -- "it makes sense to create
a balance of sit-bone support and parallel flange indicator
brain glazed over the instant he began to speak. It's
essentially the same schpiel I heard at the groovy Berkeley bike store
... the same schpiel I've read on every cycling website I've visited in
the past year ... the same schpiel I find in my mailbox every time I
write about bike saddles.
don't care about physiogeometry," I told
him. "I care about 1500 miles' worth of comfort." And I handed him the
was a moment of triumph for this reformed Easy Sell.
matter of fact, the whole replacement-bike-shopping process was a
triumph, from start to finish. I walked into the bike store, less than
an hour ago, with a clear, precisely-formulated idea of what I wanted
in my new bicycle ... and, more importantly, what I didn't
want in my new bicycle. God knows I've had plenty of time and
opportunity to think about it lately, as I've dragged forty pounds'
worth of Schwinn over (Moraga) hill and (Iron Horse) dale.
instance, I knew that I didn't want a mountain bike, or a standard road
bike, or another bazillion-pound cruiser. I wanted a hybrid or "sport
comfort" bike, preferably one I could lift with one finger. I wanted a
more relaxed frame geometry, this time around: no more thigh-high top
tubes, threatening to derail my romantic Saturday night. I wanted
comfortable, one-click index shifting, with a maximum of 20-25 gear
combinations. Any more than that and I need a calculator just to get
over the fudking bike bridge. Toe clips were negotiable -- I'm actually
beginning to *get* them, believe it or not -- but only as long as
they're adjustable, and as long as they're easy to slip in and out of,
and as long as they fit comfortably all the way across ingrowns and
bunions and assorted other middle-aged podiatric deformities. Cleated
pedals, on the other hand, were definitely out. Locking me into place
at this stage of my cycling development is just asking for a Saturday
afternoon Emergency Room run. I wanted straight handlebars, rather than
those curvy ram-horn handlebars like David has. I wanted end grips
added to the handlebars, so I can change my wrist position whenever my
hand starts going numb. I wanted a slightly upright posture: none of
this laying down across the handlebars stuff. (Unless I'm posing for
the cover of Bay Area BOOBS Magazine.) And I wanted Shimano
components ... mainly because it makes me feel like I'm riding the hip
curve to say "Shimano components."
wanted a pretty color: something to match my varicose veins, maybe.
more than anything else, I wanted to find a bike that fits:
one that fits my lifestyle, fits my apartment, fits
my budget, fits my very special riding needs. I figured it
have to be the most expensive bike in the store ... or the trendiest,
or the prettiest, or the most aerodynamically-advanced.
just had to be a good *fit.*
few minutes later, as we're wheeling my brand-new bike outside to the
car, I ask David if I sounded snooty or high-handed or rude when we
were inside the bicycle store. I wouldn't want the young technician to
lose his job, just because we overheard him making an
impolite remark. (Giving us the $20 bargain-bin saddle for free would
been a nice gesture, though.)
David says. "You sounded like a customer who knows what she
look at my sleek, elegant new bike, as we carefully lay it in the trunk
of the Subaru for the drive home. I love it. I love everything about
it. I love the fact that it's a Trek, a slightly lower-end (but far
formidable) model than the one that got stolen. I love the fact that it
weighs half as much as the Schwinn: I was able to lift it into the
trunk of the car myself, with only minimal help from David. I love the
more relaxed top tube, the 24 different gear combinations, the straight
handlebars (with the added end grips), the nice wide toe clips, the
Shimano components. I love the pretty blue color. I love the fact that
I marched into the bike store, pointed to the bike I wanted and said
"I'll take it."
love the modifications that *I* specified.
fact, I love it all so much that I can't wait to get back on the trail
and start chipping away at those last 1,500 miles in earnest. I'm
jazzed! I'm equipped! I'm rested!
so is my Butt-D-Luxe.
~ the little bike that
*footnotes* bought ~
in 2002 index